(jazzed up instrumental version of John Fogerty's "Centerfield")
From Hollywood, the new head coach capital of the world - here come the NEWLYHEADS! And now let's meet our new head coaches for today's game:
Couple number 1: all the way from Lawrence Kansas, it's Charlie Weis and a recent Maryland transfer who finally understands the whole frying pan/fire metaphor!
Making their journey from College Station, Texas, it's Couple number two: Kevin Sumlin and one of the famed Aggie Plague Doctors!
And finally, from aromatic Columbus Ohio, please welcome Couple number three - Gene Smith and Urban Meyer!
And here's your host, the star of the Newlyhead Game, Bob Eubanks!
BOB EUBANKS: Well, we've got three fine coaches here, all just starting out in new relationships, and for one lucky pair, there's a customized prize package waiting for them thanks to our sponsors at Dimetapp and Scotchgard - grip and sip, and it's ok to drip! Before the show, we asked each coach's partner a series of personal questions, and now we'll see how well the coaches know their new programs! First up, our lovely couple from Ohio State!
Urban, for five points: what's Gene's favorite dinner on a rainy night?
URBAN MEYER: Oh, that's a tough one. His favorite dinner is probably a steak with a sweet potato and some garlic bread. But on a rainy night, I think I'd have to go with a hot bowl of chicken corn chowder.
EUBANKS: Well, Urban, let's see if Gene said the same...
MEYER: (visibly nauseated) Good lord, Gene, you said it was just that one time because there wasn't any other food in the house? How can you possibly admit that in public?
EUBANKS: Not a great start, Coach, but you can still come back. Question number two! Of all the bills your athletic department gets, which one does Gene hate to pay the most?
MEYER: That's an easy one. It's the charter plane - he just complains for HOURS about the price of jet fuel and how he can't understand why we can't just recruit wherever Greyhound travels like Coach Tressel did.
EUBANKS: Ah, the bus depot! The draw play on third and long of American travel! Well, let's see if you and Gene are on the right page. Gene, show us the bill you hate most!
MEYER: Please tell me you're kidding.
EUBANKS: Oh, he's not the first murderer I've apprehended in my career, and I doubt he'll be the last. Did you know Card Sharks was just a long sting operation to nab John Gotti?
Anyways, we're down to the last question. Urban, this one's worth triple points, so really focus here. When we asked Gene to name the person he'd want to make whoopee with if he could pick anyone in the world?
MEYER: I can't tell you how much I don't want to answer this question. It's his wife, right? Please say it's his wife.
EUBANKS: Gene, show us your answer, you beautiful oversharer you!