FanPost

Craig James' spokeswoman denies killing five hookers

Source: D Magazine

Excerpts after the jump.

“There’s been a lot of stuff on the internet about Craig James killing the five hookers at SMU. I feel like I know what’s going on, but I haven’t seen, interestingly enough, anywhere a categorical denial that Craig James didn’t kill five hookers at SMU. And so I thought it was important to nail that down.”

“Wow. Um. Actually, we did address that issue. Very early in the campaign, we sent a tweet out letting people know that we’d been Google bombed.”

“I must have missed this tweet.”

“We mentioned in passing that Craig had been the victim of a Google bomb.”

“If you had killed five hookers, then the Google bomb excuse is the perfect cover. Hypothetically, you see what I’m saying.”

“Yeah, no, I can categorically, definitively say that is absolutely untrue."

“Has Craig James ever enlisted the help of a gang of criminals to take over a skyscraper at the top of which is a vault containing $640 million in untraceable bearer bonds?”

“Are you referring to the movie Tower Heist or something?”

“You’re close. You’re looking for a Bruce Willis vehicle.”

“Has Craig James ever bred a pegasus for the sole purpose of using it as quarry in a hunt?”

“Is that anything like the thing from Napoleon Dynamite? A liger?”

“All right. I just have a couple more here. Has Craig James ever built a house atop an Indian burial ground?”

“No, I don’t think that has ever happened.”

“One final question: can Craig James speak five languages?”

“No. He can’t. Unless Texan is included.”

All in all, a brilliant read.

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