THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/5/2012

HEYYYY BUDDAYYY. Smiles, everybody. SMIIIIIIIIILES.

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It's a gentler, kinder Will Muschamp for year two on the Florida media guide. It would be a great disappointment after last year's hallucinating sky-Gator death stare cover, but seeing Muschamp "happy" and "smiling" is just as surreal, actually, if not more so. Playing through those headphones to induce such a tranquil expression? "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. It never fails to move because really, Will, you are beautiful no matter what they say.

A FITTER, HAPPIER MUSCHAMP, PART TWO. The coordinated Muschamp media tour continues with an interview with Tony Barnhart, and a general sense that Muschamp is happier now that he has all his dudes in place and not others. Like most Barnhart columns, you have to read backward to get the real gist of "Jeremy Foley made me hire Charlie Weis" and "I agreed with my strength coach on nothing whatsoever."

Add in the usual implied criticism (and an entirely valid one) of Urban Meyer's last recruiting classes, and it is pretty much what you expect from a piece by a head coach attempting to flesh out his own kind of team. Whether that team is going to be a good or smart kind of football team, who the hell knows. It'll be his, though, and that's where people start claiming/disavowing you depending on results.) This sounds like really hesitant equivocation on Will Muschamp, Head Coach, and should. We have no idea what he's really capable of yet in the negative or positive.

HE'S GONNA BE HERE FOREVER. Nick Saban says he'll never go back to the NFL, so we suppose he never will because why would he do that when he could make $6 million a year. Unless....unless "lacking control over your roster" is him openly begging for an offer to do just that at the NFL level? Just take that paranoia and run with it, everyone else. Let it run around the rafters of a few Alabama message boards. Look at it go! Man, that insane implication can run. When will it stop? in an argument, probably after 20 or so comments. In their heads? Never.

NOT ONE, BUT TWO FEATURES ON AMERICA'S SPICIEST TEAM. Bill C. gives the Cajuns the critical but adoring eye, and Holly just adores them and that's fantastic enough for us. Duck blind DJ? DUCK BLIND DJ.

YOU MAY NOT WANT RECRUITS WHO DON'T KNOW EAST FROM WEST. Then again, finding the needle of Lubbock in the haystack of empty Texasness is pretty difficult, most especially when you're pointed to Nagodoches in the first place.

A GODDAMN BEAR WE TELL YOU. Mock Georgia Tech all you like, but courtesy of Kleph we all know they once had an actual bear living on campus. RIP, Stumpy.

ETC: The Macho Man was familiar with the Danger Zone long before Archer even knew what it was. Seriously, use the other door, please. The only exciting thing about baseball can be seen in this GIF.

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