THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/12/2012

NO WE ARE SORRY IT IS STILL PETRINO O'CLOCK.

Oh my, the links. Arkansas players are twitter-stunned. Bomani has turned this into an exciting commercial opportunity, while the real Bobby Petrino is still happy to take your money for inspirational speaking engagements. The entire 2013 recruiting class is goooooone. Hey, why not Boston College, if we're really into forgiveness and really wacky ideas. Garrick McGee really would be perfect if you forget about that DUI charge back in 2007.

THIS WOULD BE DARING. If bandito Jeff Long can poach Patterson from TCU, then Arkansas is officially riding with the devil and suffering no accidents. (Bo Pelini, as he does with every other job on the planet, says he is not a candidate.) Otherwise, obvious hire is obvious.

AND YES LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT. The phone records are public, and reveal Bobby Petrino to be a giddy teenage girl when it comes to frequency of texts to his significant other who was not his significant other.

The great excitement over video and images may be nothing, since only Clay Travis has publicly suggested this, which then becomes the Huffington Post saying IT'S HAPPENING. Peyton Manning, Tennessee Titans quarterback, thinks this is sketchy at best. We will have the "real pictures" later today, and they contain nothing of the sort.*

THIS IS EXCITING. Florida is recruiting well and ahead of schedule. The key is so obviously embracing the zombie swamp people image and running with it. Urban Meyer defends his time as swamp zombie wrangler, even if no one associated with the article seems to be denying the veracity of anything in it.

THIS IS ALSO EXCITING FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. Auburn isn't just about pioneering techniques in exploding dog tech. It's also about embracing the narcotics of tomorrow, and then testifying about how it makes you do things with girls you normally wouldn't try.

THE CRADLE OF COACHES BECKONS. Of course you wanted to read about Miami University football, which Bill C. says could be sneaky-good this year with the requisite luck and ghostly coaching karma kicking in a bit.

STANFORD TO PREDICTABLY USE "BEST PLAYERS" IN "SMARTEST FASHION." David Shaw ain't dumb.

TODD MCSHAY IS THE WORST PERSON AT HIS JOB EVER. It's not even hard to do this anymore to him. It's like this with almost every word that comes out of his mouth. He's the person buying Chris Brown records; he is the man who DVRs Big Bang Theory. All of the bad decisions in our society are made by him, and we blame him for every one of them.

ETC: Ron Swanson himself came to Florida, and it looked like this. Alcohol, the genius enhancer.

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