After the revelations that Will Muschamp buttdialed his way into some minor NCAA recruiting violations, you knew it was only a matter of moments before Mushchamp’s Butt joined Jolie’s Leg in tweeting their true thoughts to the world. Which, of course, begs the question, what SEC coaching appendages are next and what’s their story?
Gene Chizik’s jaw – Chewed through the teeth 9 years ago and been friends with the same piece of Bubble Yum ever since.
Nick Saban’s extend-o-grab – Dares you to say it’s not a part of the body. Those top shelf recruits aren’t going to reach themselves.
Les Miles’ last 6 feet of lower intestine – Actually hasn’t been with Miles since 2003. Emails and follows on Facebook when he’s got time.
Derek Dooley’s hair – Had to take over and coach a few games this year. 5 to be exact.
Bobby Petrino’s prihinsile tail – A man’s got to have something to turn, don’t he.
Mark Richt’s mid ray duplicative finger – Your pimp hand must be strong, and it helps if you bring something a little extra.
Dan Mullen’s left clavicle – Last seen walking the earth from place to place, getting in adventures, meeting people.
Joker Phillip’s invisible knee machine – Some people just need a shot to the junk they never see coming.
Hugh Freeze’s chest hair – Making a comeback, thicker and stronger.
Kevin Sumlin’s calf – Found true love at A&M. Actually a young cow, not lower part of leg.
James Franklin’s brain – THIS is the one you want to put into your 7 and a half foot, 54 inch wide, gorilla.
Steve Spurrier’s hip replacement – Golf, NASCAR, and occasionally football. Living the life, brah. Misses his drinking buddy.
And of course