THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/7/2012

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. This Arizona players' brawl at a house did not look like this. But let's assume it looked exactly like this.

The fight unfolded early Friday morning when one football player brought uninvited football players to a party at a house in Tucson. They were asked to leave, some shoving ensued, and then the players obliged, only to return and demonstrate how bad people's math skills are when a.) estimating crowds, and b.) when drunk.

The players left after the brawl, but before leaving said, "We will be back with our homies." A short time later, the players returned "in a group of between 10 and 30," and a man later identified as sophomore offensive tackle Fabbians Ebbele forcibly entered the home and "began punching everybody he could reach," according to the report, including the resident who was initially assaulted and her brother.

We will award points for this in a separate entry, but Arizona has a real chance of competing in the Fulmer Cup even if TCU is still way, way ahead of the pack. We are certain Rich Rodriguez will, like all first-year coaches, use this as a team-building opportunity to illustrate how to deal with a crisis. He will do this by kicking all but the most necessary and valuable players involved off the team. Timing is everything, angry young athletes of the world.

THIS IS WILL MUSCHAMP'S INTENSE LEFT BUTTOCK CALLING. Florida self-reported 12 secondary violations from the last recruiting year, including two butt-dials by the coaching staff. We have no doubt that as terrifying as getting a call from Will Muschamp may be, the call from his ass has to be worse.

This, however, is no laughing matter.

-- Football's third violation was for a color design mailed to a recruit that was not on UF letterhead. NCAA rules strictly regulate size, color and design of recruiting materials.

DEATH PENALTY WHY NOT PAWWLLL NCAAA CONSPIRACAAAAIIIIH. A program that has lost the concern for proper stationery cannot be allowed to pollute our fair sport, dear reader. in happier news, Brent Pease signed his contract, marking the first time in over three years that Florida has had an offensive coordinator under contract.

THE ANSWER IS NO, BUT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO. Dennis Dodd's piece on Mizzou is long on Pinkel and short on definitive answers about what Mizzou is getting into, exactly, but that's appropriate since no one has any clue right now besides "a degree of hostility they are underestimating in prevalence and overestimating in intensity." In other words, Mizzou: no one's going to punch you in the face in a game, but may cut you off in traffic six months later simply because you have a Tigers sticker on the back of your car. It's that deep and weird.

THE MOST TERRIFYING GO FISH EVER. Click. Put on Captain Beefheart. Grind peyote into eyeballs. Call "Mesh" Call "Four Vert." Repeat.

BRYN RENNER WILL PILE UP YARDAGE LIKE THE SAVINGS AT A CRATE AND BARREL SALE. The arcane world of college fantasy football legality is still beyond our feeble understanding--way to go, player #84!--but if you are playing, and you do want to get a dark horse production fiend, go ahead and line up Bryn Renner for North Carolina. As Chris explains here, he's going to be massively productive and produce massive things in Larry Fedora's offense, especially given how good he was at times in the Run 'n Shoop last year.

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