KYLE WHITTINGHAM DEMOLISHES BUILDINGS, IS STILL ON LOOSE

MY GOD GOSH, CITIZENS OF UTAH, RUN----

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And that is the last time someone parks in Kyle Whittingham's personal space, Mr. Athletic Director. He doesn't care if it's closer to the door. He doesn't care if you have plantar fasciitis and have serious pain when you're walking. That space says "UTAH FOOTBALL: HEAD COACH." Park there again and he'll tear down the Chemistry building. You can use a dugout in the softball field for your office today. No, you can't use the stadium. The stadium's for people who stay onside. As in within the confines of their own parking space, jackhole.

P.S. My agent will be calling to extend my contract. He'll do this with the excavator around noon. Literally. Hope you like skylights because you're getting the mother of all of them.

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