THEFTS OF TIDE DETERGENT ONLY CONFIRM THE OBVIOUS, PAWWWLL

Preschool multiple national championship national championship, PAWWWWLLLLL.

They didn't believe us, Paul. First the birds of the sea and fish of the and and bears of the sky knew it, because when red hits the sky it's time to bow down and sleep. Why? Because the sunset's red and THE CRIMSON IS YOUR SUPERIOR. What we're followin' is just the natural order.

But like a virus we didn't stop there. You can hate the Commies, but they can't be blamed for red. It's a winning color. Heart attacks turn people red. Why? BECAUSE HEART ATTACKS LIKE WINNIN', PAUL. Red underwear's sexy because it makes you think of Andrew Zow, and Red Bull works because THE ALABAMA'S INSIDE, Paul. The Alabama in there is the secret ingredient. Always has been, Paul. Always will be.

So you might wanna blame people for stealin' Tide, but it ain't their fault. It's naturally magnetic. Tide cleans up everything. It's a universal solvent. If you had Nick Saban spit on a rag and wipe it across your car, it'd take the paint right off it, if you were lucky enough to get Coach Saban's blessed bodily fluids anywhere on your person. I got a whole jar of it. wrung out of a linesman's shirt from the 2009 SEC Championship Game. When I die, they're gonna pour it on my grave, and I'll pop right back up like a turbocharged daffodil. Only paid $45,000 for it, and worth every penny.

They callin' it liquid gold? WE CALL IT FOOTBALL, Y'ALL. The detergent's just a vehicle for the excellence the name brings with it. It's like if you named a tractor Jordan Jefferson, and the danged thing just stopped halfway across a field. Things only live up to their names, Paul. That's why I nicknamed my man's business Bear Hydrant. Should have named my first husband's business Rodd Graham, but that's another story and we on a family show where I cain't say the words "stripper houndin' he-slut roustabout ass-mastiff."

I'll hang up and listen.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker