Servers melted. Servers reconstituted by loyal IT staff. Proceeding somewhat normally now, but no one sneeze or anything.
THE MOST AVANT-GARDE ART OF OUR TIME IS PRODUCED SOMEWHERE DEEP IN KANSAS. Well, who actually knows where Catlab is besides "everywhere in your subconscious at once." They transcend geography, sense, or the petty framework of this world.
WORST THREESOME EVER.
MEMPIS. That's who the Big East is down to, a move met with both cautious optimism by Big East types and with horror by individual conference members. Memphis has been ranked in the AP Top 25 for one week in its football history, has been one of the worst football programs in the nation for the past three years, and once made the MagicJack Bowl. They will be one of the eleven or so members of the Big East once this shakes out, and we have only this as commentary: Memphis versus UConn on a Wednesday night. Think about that. You think about that long and hard.
ELVIS RE-ENTERS THE BUILDING NO WE'RE NOT SORRY. The NCAA normally would have approved MIzzou LT Elvis Fisher's request for a sixth year of eligibility with some speed--since most other cases like this are moved along fairly quickly--but this is the NCAA, and making stuff up as you go takes a while sometimes. They did approve it, though, and for that we pat them on the head in the most condescending manner possible.
PENN STATE GETS SQUATTY. The new conditioning program at Penn State passes the squat test (i.e., they actually do them,) but take another inspiration from the Penn State players doing relatively low weights to get their form right, just as you should do in becoming a stronger, meaner internet commenter.
RESEARCH. It can mean a lot of things, man. Sending phone research after the answer to "Do you like this thing or not" is insanely outdated in almost every field unless you want the answer you started with, and that's what the Big Ten wanted all along. Still, it's like sending dogs after pythons and who would be stupid/insane enough to do that--
AND THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WATCH. Daniel Rodriguez is on the long path to playing college football, and you will hope he makes it after you watch this.
GREAT MOMENTS IN BEING RICKY WILLIAMS. With an awesome cameo by the Wannstache!