THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN THE UNIVERSITY OF AKRON
Dear Applicant,
Thank you for submitting your application for the position of ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN, MAIN CAMPUS. We received a great deal of interest for this position, and, while we found your credentials to be extremely impressive, ultimately we decided to go with a different candidate. Our new assistant librarian will bring a fresh perspective and energy to the department and has promised to try very hard not to ask students "which one of these books tells you how your parents never really loved you."
As always, we will keep your information on file.
Go Zips!
- University of Akron Human Resources
Dear Applicant,
We have concluded our hiring for this year's class of On-Campus Drug Interdiction Agents. This was an extremely competitive applicant pool, reflecting a wealth of experience in law enforcement, military service, and private security. Opportunities like Detective Franchione do not come along often, and we feel privileged to have him join our team. His ability to blend in with the student body is almost chameleon-like, and will be an essential asset in our fight against marihuana cigarettes.
While we regret that we were unable to offer you a position, we encourage you to apply again in the future should new positions fitting your background become available.
Cordially,
University of Akron Campus Police
Dear Applicant,
It was a pleasure meeting with you last week to discuss the open position in the University's Cafeteria Services Department, Prospective Student-Athletes division. As you may have heard, we recently filled this position, unfortunately. Please know that we found your culinary skills to be of the highest caliber.
His Joe was simply the sloppiest.
Best Regards,
Bruce Pearl, Vice President for Student Services
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Mangino was a bad fit at Akron.
A Firestone town isn’t going to hire the Michelin man.
College sports are to college what genital warts are to genitals. -- Fake Dan Beebe
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Feb 2, 2012 12:10 PM EST reply actions 17 recs
The only good fit for Mangino
is one he throws.
He doesn’t fit into much because he isn’t very fit.
You can never pay back, but you can always pay forward. - W. W. Hayes
by Crabapple Buck on Feb 2, 2012 1:03 PM EST up reply actions
They'd soon grow tired of him.
I am in favor of no sport which puts a stick in the hands of an Irishman - K.K.R.
by saxattack29 on Feb 2, 2012 2:13 PM EST up reply actions 3 recs
Ron Prince for head of janitorial services The Ohio State University at Akron

/pointsonefingerbecause#2ishardtocleanup
Fran uses the alias Porter Hall
“I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes….. reefers.”
by Michael J Pigott on Feb 2, 2012 12:27 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
Franchione liked Akron better when it was called Buchtel College.
¡El Hipopótamo!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 2, 2012 12:36 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
possibly the funniest part of this very funny post
is the Kent State ad at the bottom
all I ask is for the chance to prove that money can't buy happiness
Brought to you by.....
Kent State alum Nick Saban (70-73)
by Michael J Pigott on Feb 2, 2012 12:56 PM EST up reply actions
The picture says it all
Mel Kiper says the most important thing with a DB is “swivelling hips”. Nick swivelled like a flamenco dancer. The Browns set themselves back a decade in failing to draft him. Dare I say Deion Sanders was the Nick Saban of the 90’s?
by Michael J Pigott on Feb 2, 2012 1:19 PM EST up reply actions
recently hired as Akron's new head of plumbing and sewerage
the University’s confident that he’ll clear out all of the shit it no longer has time for
all I ask is for the chance to prove that money can't buy happiness
by Tike the Miger on Feb 2, 2012 1:31 PM EST up reply actions
they trollin' devidee
"I have accrued 228 personal days. Starting right now, I am using all of them." -- Ron Swanson
Hustle Belt -- for all your MACtion needs.
by thechuck_2112 on Feb 2, 2012 1:08 PM EST up reply actions
FUCK AKRON
1974 Division II National Champions
1979, 1980, 1990, 1994, 2006, 2007, 2009 MAC Champions
Half of our recruits had offers from Akron...
… and this was an improvement :(
RonP4AssistantLabTech
Vandy Fan. Yankee by birth, Southern by choice.
The Twitterz Tag
Remember the 5!
by VUfanInNJ on Feb 2, 2012 12:57 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Strategic Engagement?
I guess that means Akron’s point-shaving partners in coming will include several Cayman Consortia, the Emriati of Ras al-Kahmina, China Central Wagering Information Agency and the Duke of Kent.
Well played, definitively articulate Ohio state university system, well played.
Mike McQueary was up for the campus police job as well.
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room." - President Merkin Muffley
by I_Call_The_Big_One_Bitey on Feb 2, 2012 2:07 PM EST reply actions
Not to be "that guy", but Fran has a FBS coaching job
Texas State moves up this fall, to the WAC.
They even got the 118th ranked recruiting class. Bested Larry Coker and his #124 classs down the road at UTSA.
/yikes, they’re both going to get killed this fall.
obligatory
<img src=“”http://s1062.photobucket.com/albums/t498/davefowlervt/?action=view¤t=frantastic.jpg" target="_blank">
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by BroccoliD on Feb 2, 2012 2:16 PM EST up reply actions 3 recs
"Fran-tically" Looking for Better Puns
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Feb 2, 2012 2:40 PM EST up reply actions 4 recs
SUCK IT COKER
Look, if I must change me ways, at least let me do it my way, with technology.
by Burrito Electrico on Feb 2, 2012 2:26 PM EST up reply actions
Just means no one wants to live in San Antonio
I wanna have a good time and enjoy my Jack.
The twitterz, not for the weak.
by Chloe Denmark on Feb 2, 2012 2:42 PM EST up reply actions
the only thing ranking it about KC right now is that it's warm
I wanna have a good time and enjoy my Jack.
The twitterz, not for the weak.
by Chloe Denmark on Feb 2, 2012 2:49 PM EST up reply actions
I can see the recruiting pitch
“We play at the Alamodome. it’s only 18 miles from campus
by BroccoliD on Feb 2, 2012 2:55 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

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