THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/2/2012

SHOOOORRRRRYUKEN.

Now the recruiters on staff can be returned to their real jobs as Schwan's salesmen, and the business of scratching balls and mumbling during press conferences can resume on college campuses around our fair nation. The vast expanse of signing day is too much to cover in the span of a single Index of Curiosity, so let's just review the basics, and then wave our hands over the whole matter like Tony Randall waving a vermouth bottle over a cold vodka martini like a boozy priest.

OMG THE SHOCKERS. Our favorite flip from yesterday among many? Aziz Shittu tweeting out "Revenge of the Nerds" in committing to Stanford's ridiculous class of offensive linemen, mostly, thought Torshiro Davis claiming LSU was "unhappy" was also funny because he probably had Jordan Jefferson as a recruiting guide, and we get to imagine Jordan Jefferson running facefirst into lampposts and then yelling out "WHO PUT THAT SHIT THERE I HATE THIS PLACE."

SUMMARY OF UNSURPRISING FACTS. The usual aristocracies dominate the top ten, but please note Michigan and Stanford sitting in the top ten. (Michigan, though silent on signing day, is back hauling in the recruits they should, and that's a really good thing since Dothraki chief Meyer is on the loose and running on the plains of Ohio.) Florida did just fine, and may still be in the running for Stefon Diggs. Notre Dame! We just felt like they needed an exclamation point, since they got none on Signing Day, something Brian Kelly might be totally fine with, actually.

DGB HAD QUITE A SCENE. Bill C was there, and recorded the entire weird scene. Thayer Evans gets his usual quote you suspect might have been off the record, but whatever, and captures the intense love of Lane Kiffin, suitor, in one phrase:

"He was kind of like the girlfriend that’s just like, ‘This is just a phase you’re going through, you really don’t want to break up with me,’" Tracy Beckham said.

You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape his love, DGB. Unless you commit to Mizzou, and then later, buttwad. He then peels out in the parking lot and hits a fence.

ON-SCENE, ETC. Pat Forde hung out with Derek Dooley, who surprisingly did NOT talk about how much Clay Travis wants him fired once during signing day. Andy Staples was with the Vandy staff, who balled out in six limos after pulling in the best recruiting class in Vandy history. (Data sets, low points, etc, but still.) The F in Franklin stands for flossy.

YES JIM TRESSEL HAS A JOB. We know, he's working for Akron now, overseeing Terry Bowden. We've had this fever dream before, except that in ours they were running contraband through Algiers during the Vichy regime, and there was this lady, and never, ever eat half a pint of Creme Brulee ice cream before bed, because this all ended with a horrendous love scene.

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