7:15 a.m. Slept late! Darn it all. Lettin' the day get away! Scrub-a-dub, Rand-o-saurus! Let's get that beast clean before a day in the jungle. Rowr!
7: 17 a.m. Bumble and Bumble 'till I die.
7:40 a.m. Out of Chocolate Cheerios. That's a shame. Maybe too rich for a Tuesday anyways. Guess it's time for some Rice Krispies, no milk, add a spoonful of sugar. Okay, okay: splenda it is. Gotta watch that waistline Randy-bear!
8:15 a.m. Little Matt Lauer never hurt anyone. He's America's tall cup of coffee. Ann Curry must be the hazelnut creamer. Seems brittle. Now thinking about my defensive line! No idea why.
8:18 a.m. USA Today. America's paper. There's a reason we're the number one country in the world — and it's documented in a pie chart right here! No bad news blues when you're reading color coded sections. You know, I've always dreamed of one day being on the cover.
9:15 a.m. There's so much tension in the Trader Joe's parking lot this morning! Parking lots are the most dangerous places in the world. 85% of accidents occur in them. Real statistic. Got that one from my last driver, who also served as my last offensive coordinator, Gary Crowton. Bless his heart, he got us in a wreck 9 out of every 10 times we went somewhere. Great guy though. Wish him the best in Canada when he's driving on the other side of the road up there.
9:50 a.m. Bought a few bars of dark chocolate on the way out. Who's running a zone blitz on heart disease? Randy Griffith Edsall, that's who.
10:15 a.m. Few laps at the pool. Lady next to me think's i'm checking her out! I keep these eyes on the Missus alone. That Julianna Margulies would be a five star recruit in Randy's class of kissable ladies---
10:16 a.m. That nagging feeling--
10:16:05 a.m. --of missing something jeez what could it be---
10:16:18 a.m. --no I swear I remembered almond butter and vitamins---
10:16:22 a.m. OH GOD IT'S SIGNING DAY.
10: 17 a.m. [RUNS OUT OF POOL AND STEALS THE FIRST CELLPHONE HE CAN FIND AND STARTS RUNNING TO THE HORIZON]
10:22 a.m. Let's just check this public computer at the gym to see if I'm crazy okay calm down Randy breathe breathe do I want to stay logged in well sure what could happen OH GOD---
[grabs first vehicle he can find]