Hi, I'm noted Hollywood actor Don Cheadle. Have you or a loved one ever thought about playing for the University of Texas? I know I have. You see, Texas is home to one of the most prestigious and storied college football programs in this great country of ours. And have you seen the local wild life? *wink*
Some people ask me, "Don, what are you doing shilling a college football program to eighteen year olds when you could be shooting your TV show or staring in another 'Hotel Rwanda'?" Don Cheadle's gotta eat too, folks.
Perhaps you remember my stirring performance in "Jason's Lyric?" That wasn't me. God, you are so racist.
Texas brings so much to the table, recruits. A fine academic institution. A community of caring people. The finest facilities in the world. A great distance between you and casinos with blackjack tables with $10K minimums. Laura, my family…I'm so sorry. Go 'Horns.
The great Walter Cronkite once said about the state's flagship university, 'We're Texas.' You know, even if you have to travel 3000 miles by bus after sleeping in Greyhound Stations for the better part of two weeks, he's not wrong; it's still Texas, and that's a good thing.
You may be wondering aloud, "Why isn't Mack Brown saying all this?" That's a good question. A very good question, in fact. Maybe the University of Texas Pom Squad has the answer. Girls?
Well, I think that's a fine answer, ladies. Texans always know how to respond to a real challenge.
Now Coach Brown may be stretched a bit thin and need some help here and there getting out his message, but haven't we all faced times of great hardship? Personally, professionally, financially, spiritually, financially. Life's hard. But you know what's not hard? Deciding to spend the next four years of your life at the University of Texas in Austin.
Don't be like Don Cheadle and gamble away your future. There are casinos that are comedically easy to rob, sure, but I've found its easier to make an honest buck the old fashioned way. Now you may got a shot in any city in America, but I feel comfortable saying you'll get shot in Baton Rouge. Potentially more than once. There are no stats supporting this statement, but I just said it in my horrible accent from "Ocean's 11". That makes it sound so much better, doesn't it?