THE CURIOUS INDEX, 11/8/2012

THE CURIOUS INDEX WANTS LIFE EXPLAINED ON A WHITEBOARD

MARK RICHT IS A VISUAL THINKER. A coach would use a whiteboard to explain anything, even a twenty year old anecdote about damaging his hip on a swing.

Mark Richt has his moments, like when he does this, or does swan dives off the high platform during spring practice swim breaks.

LANE KIFFIN AND DEFLATED BALLS AND GO INTERNET GO. The Trojans fired a student manager for deflating balls used in USC's game against Oregon on Saturday. The manager did this without the knowledge of the coaching staff, and given Lane Kiffin's history of creatively interpreting rules at the margins, um, no, sure, no one on the Trojan staff knew anything about this, and you should believe them when they say they don't.

THE SAGA HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN. Robert Nkemdiche is going to kill so many sad obsessed rednecks from stressby the time this is over.

KLIFFY. The man behind the Aggies' offense is our most bro-ish coach, per a totally uncredible and unreliable source in the Feldman piece on Kliff Kingsbury. Not included in this article: Kingsbury graduated from New Braunfels High School, the only high school in the nation to use the unicorn as the mascot. Motto: "Unicorn Pride Is Justified." None of this is surprising or not awesome.

THIS SHOULD QUALIFY AS AN EXCUSED ABSENCE. The doctor's note says "torn blood vessel in your heart," and we'll accept that as a very real and understandable reason for missing the rest of the season, Houston cornerback D.J. Hayden. By the way, D.J. Hayden was hit so hard in practice that IT TORE SOMETHING IN HIS FREAKING HEART and he DIDN'T DIE. Get better, and please don't be involved in any further hobbies or activities where heart-tearing might occur, dude.

OH HO HO HO HO HOHO HO HO HO HO OMG. Bobby Petrino is interested in the Kentucky job, which is especially fun given the anecdotes detailing Petrino's gleeful torture of the Wildcats during his time at Louisville. To wit:

This thing was heavy and I am holding it up and waiting. Paul comes in and they stand at his desk where Bobby reads the score out loud: "Louisville 28, Slapdicks nothing. I f*&$ing love it, those little smurfs didn't even score a point." They looked at me and said, "that is what winners do, kick their ass." He told me to set it down where he could look at it and as I was leaving he grabbed me and said "get used to it, we are going to kick their ass every year."

"Little smurfs."

ETC: This is an astonishing piece of journalism.

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