(As always, these are the coaches who were on bye LAST week, so yes they're all playing today or have played already shut up.)
We open on A Grasscutter - LSU COACH LES MILES - and A Priest - VIRGINIA TECH COACH FRANK BEAMER - sitting under Byeshomon Gate during a storm. A Commoner, TULSA COACH BILL BLANKENSHIP, joins them in shelter from the rain.
MILES: Hard to believe it was only thirteen days ago I stumbled upon the body of that poor, dead coach. I was off in the fields, gathering grass for my family's dinner, and there he was, bloody and cold, a man cut down before the offseason of his life. The terror I felt! Straight away I fled to Mark Emmert to report this heinous deed.
BEAMER: And I had just seen Akey traveling to Ruston! He seemed his usual self, full of mustache vigor despite the wearisome losses life piled upon his shoulders. To think that he now lies dead, the Kibbie Dome without its honored king. Curse the Brigand for this heinous deed.
BLANKENSHIP: Grasscutter, Priest - has the Brigand been punished for his crime?
MILES: He has, and we shall tell you more of what transpired at his trial...
(This is your first open thread. Remember, perception is not as reliable as you might think. One man says Auburn is 1-7, but another says they have not lost to any Big Ten teams!)