MAYBE THEY WERE ALL BEING USED FOR PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES. A lot of what's coming out of Colorado in the wake of Jon Embree's firing suggests that facilities and expenditures may be, um, somewhat lacking. Lacking how?

"We didn't even have enough chairs for our OLine to watch tape, we asked, finally got them Week 9" - Jon Embree on #CU facilities on ESPN

— Peter Burns (@PeterBurnsRadio) November 26, 2012

Meanwhile, Oregon's secondary meets in a ball pit that is refreshed with new, pee-free balls EVERY DAY.

THIS GRUDEN IS DENTED SO IT'S HALF PRICE! Bill C. turns the nationwide coaching search into an orderly grocery store-like experience, and the best part is John Chavis listed under "HOT COORDINATORS." Do you want the mustache on or off? Too bad.

(TOWEL SPIN) (TOWEL SPIN) (TOWEL SPIN). You don't actually have to click this link, but you do need to know that Trooper Taylor is not a quitter and will continue to recruit for Auburn. This is true no matter what the scenario, and in our post-nuclear apocalypse hellscape, Trooper will wander the Earth, waving his towel and trying to convince mutant biker gangs that Auburn is their ticket to the NFL and/or abundant gasoline.

NICK SABAN IS NOT A MASTER OF SHADE-THROWING. He's actually just a miserable human being who can find no joy in anything, not even the unfortunate circumstances of others. This is why dentists hate Nick Saban, because you give him nitrous oxide and he just scowls and starts telling you how the Dust Bowl was overrated.

ETC. PO. PO. POPOZAO.