LOVE, MIZZOU FOOTBALL, AND OTHER DRUGS

LEGION FIELD AWAITS

It's been a strange year for Gary Pinkel: personal issues with a capital PERSONAL ISSUES, a switch to a new conference, and a team afflicted by an injury bug the CDC would describe as "buck-nasty." They have already experienced the agony and ecstasy of being a proper SEC East member in their first year, losing to Vanderbilt, but still falling back on the comfort food of beating the division's most reliably pummelable team, Kentucky.

They made a t-shirt to commemorate this victory. In any other year we might mock them, but given the stressing of Berks and run on ACLs in their depth chart, shit, go ahead. It says W on the board, and Kentucky's going to be taking it out of your ass later this year in an indoor sport only you and Kentucky really care about, so go ahead. Make a shirt. Order an ice cream cake, and then wonder why you did because ice cream cakes are really just fascist ice cream sculptures when all you really wanted was a big, drunkenly scooped bowl of late night ice cream.*

*As with the Dan Rubenstein Rule vis-a-vis pancakes: let someone else order ice cream cakes. Also, food is imaginary after 10 p.m., and does not count towards total calories consumed.

The Tigers play Florida in Gainesville this weekend, and the depth chart comparison alone gives advantages at size, speed, and experience at every position. They also face a Florida team fresh off their first loss of the season, meaning guess who gets to taste the wrath yes that's you, Mizzou. It might suck, and it might suck deeply, but know this: sometimes, you meet one person, and then your world changes completely.

That beautiful lady is the BBVA Compass Bowl, and waking up to her will be more magical than imagined. She sleeps in Legion Field, so know you definitely are getting bed bugs. Be ready to throw out all your clothes afterward.

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