A WORD FROM THE FAILED SLUT PARTY

LET'S KEEP IT FAIR AND BALANCED.

It is perfectly fine to note something like this because it is deeply unusual, and thus by definition "noteworthy."

"When he was 14, Collin Klein promised himself he would not kiss a girl until his wedding day. He kept his promise, and first kissed his wife at the altar at their wedding on July 21, 2012."

Collin Klein, you go ahead and do that. In discussing this very topic, Pat Forde got in a quick bout of trouble for giving Klein his "chump of the week" (and apologized rapidly) for not test-driving his spouse in any way. Rightfully so: the word "chump" is strictly in the "clownfraud" school of sportswriting, and its use is far less excusable than thinking someone's way of boots-knocking is weird.

As for thinking it's weird or not, that's not foul--go right ahead. If you think it's great to wait until marriage to have sex, much less kiss, that is your free, weirdass American right to do whatever the hell you like. As a member of the influential "Failed Slut Voting Bloc" we can't understand how anyone lives that way, but at least he's not actively forcing it on anyone (as far as we know.) Storywise, we don't care how you have sex within the constraints of the law unless you're a.) doing something that will affect a football team, b.) doing something really spectacular worth noting as a bizarre phenomenon of human sexuality, or c.) both.*

*See Bobby Petrino, that time Tommy Frazier had his way with Florida in front of a horrified national television audience in 1996, or that time Knute Rockne totally didn't buy whores to get George Gipp out of the pool hall he spent most of his time in as an "undergraduate" at Notre Dame. One part of that last example is unverifiable, but the rest is totally true. The year 1919 RULED.

We do think it's weird, but Collin Klein and his wife don't give a shit and shouldn't. Your beliefs are your beliefs, and we have to respect your right to have them be they good, bad, or utterly insane. What you do matters, which is kind of the point of the Collin Klein story. You can bother him about it all you like, but he'll just be over there playing mandolin (which he can, along with the violin and piano) and driving up mountainsides on his parents' ranch when he's done leading K-State to their greatest season ever.*

*Collin Klein would make a terrible Gawker commenter.

What we would pay to see is the counterpoint presented utterly seriously in a profile of a player. Like this, which was not written in 2001 and could have been so magical:

At the age of fifteen, lesser men would have panicked. The disco district of Rio de Janeiro was no place for the innocent, much less an Indiana teenager on his first trip to the Marvelous City.

To wake up naked and alone in a brothel, forced to work his way through a full schedule of demanding heiresses as a gigolo? For a week, no less, all for an inability to pay for services he requested--and received--without having a dime to his name?

Well, that was a challenge for the most desperate pirate to tackle. For a teenager, it should have been disaster.

It was no ordinary challenge.

But Rex Grossman was no ordinary teenager.

To paraphrase Charlie Wilson: someone's got to represent the drinkers and fornicators of this world, and not just in our elected bodies.<----hey girlllllll let's caucus

#teamfailedslutparty

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