THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/30/2012

Crystal Logiudice-US PRESSWIRE

THE LSU VIDEO STAFF INCLUDES NO PUNTS AND THAT'S DEEPLY INACCURATE

HE'S GOT A LOT OF APOLOGIES TO MAKE.

Les Miles cannot let Pepper Potts die. He just won't. LSU's video people are amazing week-to-week, but casting Nick Saban as The Mandarin is beyond brilliant (even if they don't know if they're doing it.) By the way, we just imagined the Big Ten version of this and laughed for a solid fifteen seconds at this thought.

In just a few moments, the sun will drive its sensibly priced American sedan to its split-level ranch home in the sky, and it will be really dark in Michigan Stadium because we don't have fixed lights, and no one remembered to rent them.

GUHHHH IT SUCKS WHEN YOU LET SOMEONE AS DUMB AND HORRIBLE AS TODD GRANTHAM BEAT YOU. And yet, you let him get close with a knife, didn't you? And that's like, rule one of surviving a knife fight, man.

SPURRIER WASN'T BEING THAT MUCH OF A DICK. Just the usual amount of dick, since he did say that Dabo's usually full of shit when talking about South Carolina, but then turned around in the next sentence and said that Dabo was right in saying Marcus Lattimore was everything right about college football. But sure, it's Tuesday and you need a column, and Steve Spurrier remains utterly unchanged from the dude who once called a flea-flicker to go over the fifty mark in Athens. He's a gift that way, really.

OH, HEY. It was Marcus Lattimore's birthday, and life gave him the news that a dislocation is slightly less horrible than what many thought initially after his gruesome injury Saturday.

OTHER HORRIBLE INJURIES. The very talented Walter Stewart of Cincy has to end his football career due to a congenital spine defect discovered after he injured his spine in a game against Fordham.

DAD VENGEANCE. "Still got it," he said, walking off the field before waking up the next morning and realizing he had a torn ACL and dislocated shoulder.

ETC: Have you ever really looked at Jimmy Clausen's neck? We mean, really looked at it? Stuntmen used to be stuntmen. Two Dudes and a Bunk Bed is going to be amazing. If you were a wizard, this would be your patronus.

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