The Breakfast of Champions 1/20/12

Welcome to The Breakfast of Champions, a commentariat response to the absence and loss of the Digital Viking. Coming up every Friday in the offseason, TBoC is a guide to restoring and maintaining sanity in a worlds without football. We do this by looking at the essentials to having fun:

• Places to go or how to get there (In Hong Kong, Dallas, or at home...)
• Food to gorge yourself on from a football induced depression (The food factor should always be massive...)
• Fun ways to liquor yourself up (four Bloody Marys...)
• Something completely different to liven yourself up (for random seasoning six lines of the best cocaine for dessert…)
• Words for the weekend (there should also be two or three newspapers...)
• What to do for the weekend (a notebook for planning the next twenty-four hours...)
• The soundtrack to do all of these things to (at least one source of good music…)

In Hong Kong, Dallas, or at home...

KC (Spartan D): One of this author's dreams is to ride a motorcycle from San Diego to Cabo, along the route of the Baja 1000 race. If you're not familiar with the Baja 1000, go rent the documentary "Dust to Glory." It is awesome and you won't regret it. When we eventually get around to making that trip, the bike beneath our ass will be the KTM 990 Adventure.

This 200kg piece of brutishness is, for our money, the best enduro bike in the world. It has a sterling record in the grueling Paris to Dakar rally, the ultimate test of an offroad vehicle, carrying riders to victory numerous times. It's rare that you find a bike this powerful that also has the agility to compete offroad with smaller, more nimble rides, but the 990 Adventure makes it happen.

KTM 990 Adventure goes off-road! (via motorcyclenewsdotcom)

NP: Continuing our bike theme, I think we all need to stop today, and remember that, if you are ever going to try and jump a 10 foot high barbed wire fence on a motorcycle from Nazi occupied Germany to Switzerland, you should do so in a Triumph TR6 Trophy 1962.

With a seal of approval from the coolest man to ever walk the Earth, Steve McQueen, AND the baddest stunt driver to ever walk the Earth, Bud Ekins, you know that this is the bike you want to be riding in any high speed chase. Specifically designed for California desert racing, only a little over 1200 of this particular model were ever made, undoubtedly half of them were wrecked by Mr. McQueen and Mr. Ekins. If you're rich enough and powerful enough to find one of these 62 models, you too can pretend to be as cool as Steve McQueen. However, if you're too practical and cheap for that, you can look for the 2012 Bonneville Steve McQueen edition.

The Great Escape - McQueen - Triumph TR6 Motorcycle Jump (via Transgarp)

The food factor should always be massive...

NP: I'm keeping the local thing going, and I'm going to lecture you all on the awesomeness of spiedies again.

Spiedie consists of cubes of chicken, pork, lamb, veal, venison or beef. The meat cubes are marinated overnight or longer in a special marinade, then grilled on spits. The bread is used as an oven glove to grip the meat while the skewer is removed. Spiedie meat cubes can also be eaten straight off the skewer or can be served in salads, stir fries, and a number of other dishes. The marinade recipe varies, usually involving olive oil, vinegar, and a variety of Italian spices and fresh mint. Commercial marinades are available regionally and can be ordered from various internet websites for shipment throughout the world.

four Bloody Marys...

NP: Today folks, I'm just going to go ahead and tell y'all what my last drink would be if I were to be executed tomorrow for spitting on a sidewalk in Singapore. That drink, ladies and gentlemen, is the Suck, Bang, & Blow. Why would I want such a lewd, crude drink when I could have a nice dignified scotch? That would be because I want to be as fucked up as possible and have more alcohol than blood in my system before the execution. Why not just drink Everclear, you might ask. That would be because if I wanted to get drunk that way I'd ask for rubbing alcohol.

1 oz Jacquin's® orange flavored gin
1 oz Rumple Minze® peppermint liqueur
2 oz Goldschlager® cinnamon schnapps
1 oz Jagermeister® herbal liqueur
3 oz Jose Cuervo® Especial gold tequila
1 oz Hpnotiq® liqueur
1 oz Smirnoff® vodka
1 oz Absolut® Citron vodka
1 oz Aristocrat® triple sec
1 peeled, whole lime
5 oz strawberry daiquiri mix
2 cups cranberry juice
1 cup sugar

Add all ingredients to a blender with ice, and blend until smooth. Pour into a hurricane glass, and serve.

for random seasoning, six lines of the best cocaine for dessert…

KC: Occasionally on BoC, we will be highlighting an obscure sport or activity that the reader may consider watching or trying to pass away the shitty and listless days of the football offseason. Today, we take you to the dusty plains of central Asia to witness a sport that goes back to the days of Genghis Khan. The Khan and his warriors were best known for their skill on horseback, and when not besieging cities, raining terror down on entire continents, and impregnating every female within arms reach, the horsemen liked to unwind with a totally chill and potentially murderous game of Buzkashi.

Buzkashi: The Most Dangerous Sport (via Astrolux777)

The word Buzkashi roughly translates to "goat-grab," and that phrase pretty well sums up the object of this game. Teams of riders compete to see who can drag a headless goat carcass across the playing field and deliver it into the scoring circle. Sources differ on specific rules of play for this game, but the generally agreed upon rules are:

1. A player should not intentionally pull an opponent from his horse
2. A player should not intentionally hit an opponent with his whip

Of course, enforcement of these rules is pretty much left to the players on the field, as there don't appear to be any referees. So, if you want to lasso an opponent with your whip and pull him from his mount, go right ahead. Just expect payback from the other team in one form of escalating violence or another. Severe injuries and even deaths are fairly common in buzkashi, as one might expect when you have dozens of fast moving ponies in limited space, all converging on a small target. The game was banned during the Taliban rule in Afghanistan, as they called it "dangerous and impure." But, since the Taliban's reign has ended, Buzkashi has made a comeback.

We'd love to see this sport make it's way to the US, and Kentucky seems like a natural landing spot. There are thousands of rejected thoroughbreds that could avoid a trip to the glue factory by being trained as Buzkashi ponies, and who wouldn't watch this over some NASCAR boringness?

there should also be two or three newspapers...

NP: A very excellent essay about the changing world of journalism and how it is affecting the way it is both consumed and produced. However, if you're looking for something a little lighter, this piece from Nathan Rabin a little while ago provides an excellent breakdown on the failure of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Of course, if you just want to stick to sports right now, here is an excellent Classical piece by Ian Cohen about the fatalism and fanaticism of Philadelphia sports fans.

a notebook for planning the next twenty-four hours...

NP: What else should you be watching this weekend besides the NFL playoffs? Sunday at 3PM on CBS will see the AFC Championship team, as the Fightin' Harbaugh's East take on the greatest collection of midgets, Scrappy-doo's, and Tom Brady's ever assembled. 6:30PM on FOX will see The New York Football Giants against the Fightin' Harbaugh's West. It is recommended you consume a lot of alcohol to get through the shitty first game, lest you expose your sober eyes to Flacco. Wanting something to watch Saturday too? How about Baylor vs. Missouri at 2PM on ESPN in a Top 5 college basketball game?

at least one source of good music…

NP: Buoyed by the announcement of his new album, coming out in March and featuring many songs that have been live staples for years as well as a return to his older sound compared to his previous two albums, I implore you to go ahead and listen to some classic Bruce Springsteen this weekend. His new album, Wrecking Ball, comes out on March 6th, and he's released one song from the album already.

We Take Care Of Our Own (With Lyrics) - Bruce Springsteen (via BruceSpringsteen)

That's all for today folks. Sports Movie Tournament returns tomorrow. If you wish to contribute, nominate something to be in here, or have questions, email nicholaspetrilli at gmail dot com.

...all of which should be done outside, in the warmth of a hot sun, and preferably stone naked.