JOHN BRANTLEY IMPRESSES TINY WORRIED BEAR AT EAST/WEST SHRINE GAME

John Brantley's sad, misdirected career at Florida is over, and to everyone's benefit, really. Brantley could not step onto a field in a Florida uniform without something bad happening: a short-side option for no gain, a brutal interception, a fumble, or the inevitable helmet to the teeth resulting in more injuries than one human being should be able to sustain in one season without dying. This was supposed to change with the arrival of Charlie Weis for his senior year, thus setting a script for Carson Palmer-esque redemption.

His senior year was most notable for throwing into quadruple coverage, an achievement we can honestly say we have never seen anywhere outside of Hail Mary situations.

Brantley is now working the East/West Shrine game in what is his last chance to impress pro scouts. Tiny, worried bear Bobby Ross is impressed, at least.

East coach Bobby Ross has been impressed.

"He picked up the system very well," Ross said. "He appears to be very smart, and we just have to get through the rest of the practices to see how he's doing. But up to this point, I'm pleased."

Bobby Ross is famous both for winning half a national title at Georgia Tech, and also for a 9-25 run at Army. He has no idea what a quarterback looks like, and did not get along with the best running back we have ever seen. This might have some bearing on what you think of his opinions.

People who don't have to use their names when they talk are more candid, saying that Brantley looks like he didn't even know where the weight room was. Of course he did, stupid: you have to walk past it to get to the room where they fasten your body together with happy thoughts and tape. It's got heavy stuff and stuff in it, guy!

The worst part of this whole story, of course: agreeing with Todd McShay.

"He's a little late with his reads, and if you can punch him in the mouth early and knock him down a few times he doesn't recover all that well. There are questions out there if he has the ability to handle the toughness of the game, both physical and mental."

Damn you, slim-shouldered broken clock of an analyst. Seriously, we saw him on a flight last week, and he's positively waifish, just like Brantley from the waist to the shoulders.

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