THE CURIOUS INDEX, 1/12/2011

DO THE SABAN. Sure the be the hottest craze on the dancefloor at Innisfree in Birmingham, the official EDSBS WORST BAR IN THE WORLD.

The court would like to note that this is not the first time Nick Saban's nimble feet and sense of rhythm have been on public display. The public trolling over the BCSCG has begun, and will cease only when Alabama is turned into an official penal debtor's colony in 2034 by the federal government.

A FEW MORE THINGS TO NOTE BEFORE THE SUNSET ON THESE THINGS ARRIVE. Two different and extremely intelligent Brians have two very similar reactions to the title game, and you should read them even though they're a bit aged in internet years at this point. (Sorry: New Orleans is in its own time zone, and that is "Central Time three days ago.) This argument is over, however, and decided by anecdotal evidence.

BREATHE DEEP. The press conference for today at 2 p.m. CT in Tuscaloosa is likely an announcement of which players are leaving Alabama to turn pro. (Unless Saban decides to declare himself in this, and then take a job coaching Miami for a return to THE JOB HE NEVER FINISHED LOLOLOL. No seriously, he could never do this to Alabama. Or could he? No. NO. No.) #SEEDSOFINSANEDOUBT

By the way, Jeff MacGregor has a wonderful article on the draft, and how fleeting the moment of pro potential is for some.

PEASE WILL NOT BE COACHING THE FLORIDA OFFENSE IN THE MANNER . We have no idea what Will Muschamp means when he says they'll be playing the same offense they played under Charlie Weis, since there is no way in red hell Brent Pease will be happy running a motion-free, points-averse punt machine. For future reference, it would sound way better to say, "We're going to run the same playbook, but this time run someone over 180 lbs on run plays, and protect the passer from certain doom on pass plays."

IN FURTHER ALABAMA NEWS. Brian Schottenheimer did meet with Bama to discuss the open OC position, a position that would be perfect for him since he excels at not scoring points and twiddling away clock. Another possibility is more tempting: Washington's Doug Nussmeier, whose scoring-friendly attack has been a success overshadowed by the Huskies' horrendous defense. One final not-horrible candidate: Dirk Koetter, whose attacks at Arizona State were productive, and who hopefully hasn't lost all of that to NFLAIDSness.

AND SO GOES ANOTHER BOLD EXPERIMENT WITH SHOCKING RESULTS. After working his magic on the Oklahoma secondary and insuring they generated absolutely no turnovers, the inimitable Wilie Martinez will be leaving to weave his magical butterfly net approach somewhere other than Norman. The magical part is that he actually sends out butterfly nets to the receivers, and then tells them they can use them to snag balls in games. But not the hands! Under the Martinez system, you must never use the hands.

MORE COACH-SHUFFLING. Red Rover, send Joe DeForest over from Stillwater to Morgantown to be WVU's new defensive coordinator, replacing the departed Jeff Casteel. Bowden's finished his staff at Akron, but we're really just wanting you to look at Terry Bowden and the enormous inflamed gland of a man he has become. Mike Locksley's new contract is fascinating, and not in the good way. Former ND and Michigan coach Corwin Brown, meanwhile, isn't coaching anywhere for very weird and troubling reasons.

ETC, ERRATA, EXTRA. Stride Nation is up for you runners, and it's already full of fun testimonials to fat man running and the stark map of miles actually run. Steve Perry, you fucking liar. Daniel Rodriguez seems like someone you'd like to root for, and so does this kid.

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