THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/9/2011

YOU DON'T PULL ON THE DRAGON'S TAIL UNLESS YOU'RE WEARING A FLAMEPROOF JOCKSTRAP SON.

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Will Muschamp engaged his rhetorical zone-dog blitz of the NCAA regarding DT Sharrif Floyd and his two game suspension. The results were devastating, and you might look away if you don't want to read between the lines and watch Will Muschamp beat Mark Emmert to death with a whiteboard and his bare fists:

Sharrif is what is good about college athletics – his life is about survival, struggle, disappointment and adversity. I have recruited kids that did not know where they would sleep that night or what they would eat. Growing up, Sharrif was one these kids. Sharrif’s life is also about triumph, honesty, integrity, determination, perseverance and character. The NCAA stated that he received preferential treatment; there is nothing preferential about his life.

He grew up with only his great grandmother and still sends her Pell Grant money so she can pay her bills. How many kids do you know that would do that? I know one – Sharrif Floyd....

The toughest day that I have had as a head football coach at Florida was the day that I had to tell Sharrif that he could not play in our game vs. FAU last week. I took away part of his family.

He had tears in his eyes and said "What have I done wrong?" I told him he did nothing wrong. It wasn’t any easier to tell him today that he would be missing Saturday’s game.

I have two sons at home- if they end up like Sharrif I will consider myself a successful father."

It's a little hard to tell exactly where Muschamp just starts banging what's left of Emmert's head on the floor and screaming incoherently, but we believe it to be somewhere in the paragraph about Floyd sending his Pell Grant money to his great-grandmother. Floyd will have to sit out the next game versus UAB on Saturday, and also repay $2700 in benefits he received sometime during his recruitment. NCAA investigators will have to sleep with doors locked and their cellphones pre-programmed for one-touch 911 dialing for the next four years, minimum.

HEY! THAT WAS FUN WATCHING NICK FOLES AND HIS LEGS GOING WRONG. Nick Foles is getting bionic legs today if Arizona's offensive line has any conscience and pitched in to replace his normal legs, the ones mangled last night as he scrambled and ran for his life for four quarters against Oklahoma State. When is a 23 point margin deceptively generous to a team? When it was last night's Oklahoma State team going comatose for two quarters before crackling to life in the fourth quarter and piling on a few more scores after going up 21-0. Justin Blackmon is open, and we don't care what he's doing right now: he's open.

HYDRATION IS NECESSARY EVEN FOR KILLING MACHINES. Arizona State is working on fluid intake today due to 102 degree temperatures at kickoff tonight for the Missouri game. As for forecasts, the game is a bit of a tossup, but we should mention again that Mizzou will be playing a game in dry 102 degree heat in Arizona, and we're sorry our brain can't get past that number, especially after watching Baylor and TCU alternate cramping timeouts in last week's Friday night game. Good seats still available!

THIS MIGHT MAKE YOU WANT TO FIRE JOKER PHILLIPS.  The barrel roll made both New Orleans Saints fans and Kentucky partisans nauseated, because seriously what the hell were you doing with him, Joker Phillips.

UGLY COULD MEAN A NUMBER OF VARIOUS THINGS. The FO forecast for Bama/Penn State is ugliness, but that really covers a multitude of scenarios when we're talking about a Penn State/Alabama game in 2011, doesn't it? The rest of the non-conference SEC schedule is cupcakey, but everyone's just getting these out of the way so we can watch the undoubtedly sloppy South Carolina/Georgia game and Auburn's ongoing dumpster fire of a defense go up against Costco Tebow and Mississippi State. 

LET'S BE FRIENDS AND THEN SET EACH OTHER ON FIRE. Maize and Brew and One Foot Down get convivial. You know...before annihilation in the ND/Michigan game this weekend.

IMPORTANT BOSTON COLLEGE NEWS. Montel Harris is still out, thus making their matchup against UCF even more dicey than it looked prior to confirmation of the ACC's current leading rusher absence. #MarkRichtUCFjokegoeshere

DID YOU KNOW THE MAC HAS HATERS? They are truly everywhere we or you go.

STILL THE MOST DECEPTIVELY TITLED SERIES ON THE INTERNET. Not saying facts about UNLV and nude photos of Paul Wulff aren't hot, but still, game respect game on the titles there.

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