Let me start out with a few words about myself.
I've been a reader of the site since week two of last season. I'm a big Auburn fan. This site made last year even more of a fun season. I've learned to incorporate humor into watching and following football. I've learned how funny memes are. I've learned just how insane college football fans really are. Sick, deranged, disturbed creatures we are. And this site accepts us all. I've learned quotes that I now use daily such as "I feel your rage" and "I see what you did there." Due to my slow interwebs, I am unable to participate in live threads on gameday, but nothing is more enjoyable than reading all the comments on Saturday evening as I hear Doctor Lou and Marc May argue about who is more of a fucktard. I've never made a fanpost, I have only posted a few angry comments last year (my apologies to CoastalCowbell for seeming like a troll)[you mad bro?]. This here is my first fanpost. I learned on this site how everyone enjoys the rage of fans, and now, I would like to bring you my rage.
HEY TED ROOF HOW BOUT WE JUST PLAY THE CORNERS BACK ABOUT FIVE MORE YARDS BECAUSE I JUST THINK THAT GIVING SOME SHITTY MAC PLAYERS A FUCKING TEN YARD CUSHION JUST ISN'T ENOUGH. SHOW THEM THE BLITZ SHOW THEM THE BLITZ OH SHIT ANOTHER SCREEN PASS HOW DID THEY KNOW WE WERE GONNA BLITZ? MAYBE BECAUSE YOU WALK THE MOTHERFUCKING LINEBACKERS UP AND COULDN'T DISGUISE A SCHEME IF CHIZIK AND GUS BOTH GRABBED YOU BY YOUR DISGUSTINGLY MINUSCULE BALLBAG AND TOLD YOU TO. OH AND CHIZIK. YOU'RE ALRIGHT. YOU'RE A DECENT COACH. BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE TAKE TED'S HEADSET AWAY BEFORE HE DECIDES TO.... HOLY SHIT HE JUST PLAYED ANOTHER COVER 2. FUCK. NO WONDER PEOPLE ON EDSBS MAKE A MEME OF YOU LOOKING LIKE YOU JUST FARTED BECAUSE ALL YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW TO DO IS SHIT THE BED. YOU ARE A DISGUSTINGLY STUPID MAN AND I HOPE #FIRETEDROOF IS TRENDING ON TWITTER BY WEEK 3 BECAUSE I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO WANTS YOUR STUPID ASS OUT OF AUBURN. FUCKING BAMA FANS SAYING SHIT LIKE "NEW YEAR, NEW HEISMAN" IS ABOUT AS USELESS AS A VELVET PAINTING OF A WHALE AND A DOLPHIN GETTING IT ON. ITS WEEK ONE AND RICHARDSON HAD LESS THEN 100 YARDS. I HATE BAMA. I HATE CRIMSON AND WHITE. I HATE BEAR BRYANT. FOR GOD SAKE'S AT LEAST I CONGRATULATED YOU IN 2009 FOR YOUR NASHHHUNALL CHAMMPEENSHIP PAWWWWWWL BUT ALL YOU SONZABITCHEZ DO IS TALK SHIT AND ACT LIKE OUR'S WAS NOT LEGIT WHEN I'VE SEEN JULIO WALK AROUND TUSCALOOSA IN A TAILORED SUIT AND DRIVE AWAY IN A HUMMER. TELL ME WE CHEATED. SAY IT AGAIN YOU DIRTY BASTARD. HOW IN THE HOLY DOG SHIT FUCKING ASS KICKING OBLIVION IS GETTING AN ONSIDE KICK JUST LUCK. WE HAVE DONE IT NUMEROUS TIMES. CAN ANYONE STAND TO GIVE CREDIT TO ONE OF THE ONLY FUCKING THINGS WE DID WELL THE ENTIRE GAME? ITS SO DANGEROUS FOR ME TO HAVE A TWITTER AND FACEBOOK DURING FOOTBALL BECAUSE I SWEAR ON ALL THAT IS GOOD AND SACRED AND HOLY AND ENJOYABLE THAT I WILL BREAK INTERNATIONAL VERBAL ABUSE LAWS ON THESE IGNORANT STUPID ASS PEOPLE WHO CLAIM THAT THEY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL JUST BECAUSE THEY ORDERED A T-SHIRT OFF OF SUCKSABANSPENIS.COM. I MEAN HOLY DONKEY TITTIES YOU PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID THAT I HONESTLY FEEL SORRY THAT WHOEVER TAUGHT YOU IN SCHOOL HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF TRYING TO TEACH YOU HOW TO PUNCTUATE A MOTHERFUCKING SENTENCE LIKE A HUMAN BEING. ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD YOU TWATWAD. WHO THE HELL LEAVES A GAME WITH FIVE MINUTES LEFT WHEN YOUR TEAM HAS PROVEN IT CAN COME BACK LATE IN A GAME? FUCKING SPINELESS ASSHATS DO YOU KNOW HOW RETARDED YOU LOOKED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION STANDING IN THE TURNSTYLES WATCHING YOUR TEAM COME BACK IN GLORIOUS FASHION? WERE YOU NOT THE PEOPLE WHO THRIVED ON BEING "ALL IN" LAST SEASON? YOU ARE ASSHOLES AND I HOPE YOU NEVER GET THE PRIVILEGE OF WATCHING A GAME IN JORDAN-HARE EVER AGAIN. AND SPEAKING OF THE TELEVISION, WHO PUT A KITCHEN IN THE PRESSBOX? SERIOUSLY. A WOMAN CALLING A FOOTBALL GAME IS LIKE PUTTING THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD ON A TAMPON COMMERCIAL AND PUTTING FLO FROM THOSE GOD AWFUL INSURANCE COMMERCIALS IN A CHEVY TRUCKS AD. I HATE YOU ESPN2. I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO VERNE STUTTER THROUGH EVERY NAME ON THE DAMN ROSTER THAN HEAR A WOMAN FUCK UP STATS AND SAY THAT OBAMA IS A FORMER PRESIDENT. IT FELT LIKE I WAS SITTING NEXT TO THE LADY WHO DOES MY MOM'S NAILS AT A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WHEN SHE HAD A STUPID COMMENT ABOUT EVERYTHING GOING ON.
Thank you all for listening to the anger that has filled my head all day. And fuck clemson.