Hello. Congratulations, sailor: the seagulls of Thursday squawking around the mainsail and pooping all over your foredeck indicated the presence of land. Last night, we passed this insane island where TCU didn't play defense, and where Baylor was not only able to score points, but also able to win close games with a defensive play. And now, we reach the shore, where Les Miles sits wearing a speedo, an old diving helmet, a pair of cowboy boots, and is holding a cattle prod he insists you call "Herbert." Never argue with college football, and never argue with a grass-eating lunatic with a cattle prod.