THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/15/2011

GOLDY THE GOPHER JUST PUTTING ILLEGAL BENEFITS ALL OVER THE PLACE. At 2:20 or so he turns the Mall of America golden, and if that isn't a violation of some kind of NCAA bylaw, then dammit it needs to be written in along with all those important rules governing bagel spreads.

 

That suit the lead singer of Midnight Star is wearing must be ours, and it must be worn to the SEC Championship Game this year.

TODAY'S MENU. We will be headed to Starkville for the evening's serving of SEC FOOTBALL WOOOOO COWBELL. Bill C. previews the whole game and says that Mississippi State is either a poor man's Oregon or the Dinosaur, Jr. of football teams. Either one might not be very good for their prospects tonight, but we'll be there to see if a road game played in the din of cowbell hell can even out some of the inequalities between the two teams. (EA Sports says that's not happening in very definitive fashion.)

MARYLAND WILL BE WEARING BLACK. Maryland will wear a slightly less disturbing version of their uniforms for this weekend, though as we lamented on Twitter, until they add the Watley-style crab claw gloves they are totally half-assing this Maryland tribute thing.

OOHHHHH THE PREVIEWNESS. Liking this glut of Solid Verbal podcasts.

WHY THERE WON'T BE A SUSPENSION FOR DEE FINLEY. Probably because Will Muschamp knows that while Finley was wrong, he also knows that UPD is the clownshoesiest of clownshoes police departments, and keeps themselves busy handcuffing students to stop signs and shooting exchange students. (Via) We were pulled over and searched on campus once for an hour and a half with six cops reporting in before being told "We can't charge you with anything, but know that we're watching you." Suck it, assholes. Ain't no law against turning donuts in a parking garage at three in the morning in a 1981 Toyota Corolla station wagon. Never will be, because this is AMERICA.  

TEXAS TECH'S INTESTINES HAVE BEEN RUNNING BUBBLE SCREENS ALL WEEK. The Red Raiders play New Mexico this week, so even at half-strength they should be fine, but be advised that the postgame handshake is probably just a bad idea all around, Mike Locksley.

BIG DADDY LIKE. The name Alameda "Big Daddy" Ta'amu might not roll out of your memory easily, but if we say "The big dude who demolished Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl last year," that does become a little clearer, yes? He's looking forward to playing them again, but will have a splint on his hand after breaking it in camp. If the Washington trainers have any sense of humor, they will give him a conical splint with screw lines drawn on it.

OH YEAH YOU BET HE'S EXCITED. ROBB AKEY IS JUST REAL EXCITED ABOUT THE OPPORTUNITY. YOU BETCHA. REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I HIT A BUFFALO WITH MY TRUCK AND I RODE HOME ON THE BUFFALO AND TOLD THE TRUCK TO GO TO HELL. NEVER REGRETTED THE DECISION FOR A DAY. REAL EXCITED ABOUT THIS GAME AND MY COMMUTER BUFFALO. WATCH THOSE GODDAMN INDIANS, THOUGH.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA. No, Oklahoma won't be motivated by this at all. Nope.

TWO CHARITY IDEAS OF NOTE. First, TNIAAM is all about ticket donation. Second, the Bourbon Chase Hounds could use your help, should you feel like giving it for a very good cause.

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