THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/14/11

PLEASE RESERVE THIS MOMENT FOR A BRIEF VISUAL HISTORY OF TENNESSEE FOOTBALL SINCE THE YEAR 2000.

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Actual news you may have not already known, after the jump. (That last one from last year's orphanage fire of an offense is the worst one, really. Adjusted for Addazio, that's like allowing 700 yards and 12 TDs to a quarterback.)

HATE WEEK, SORT OF CONTINUED. Remember, the University of Florida advises against drinking alcohol on Gamedays because it compounds the effects of heat. Simply inhale the fumes coming off those around you,  and that should be more than enough to satisfy your drinking needs. Rocky Top Talk predicts Tennessee 21, Florida 20. We endorse this, because we don't stand a chance! Nope! Charlie talks for a long time about nothing in particular, and my yes it is gusty in here.

MORE ALIGNMENT NON-NEWS: Florida State is preparing a realignment committee just in case it has to move conferences. The most pleasing outcome from this blog's perspective would be a move to the Big 12 they alternate humiliations of SMU and other small Texas satellite schools with the daily pain of serving as the Longhorns' filthy Gulf Coast mistress.

WORK IT HUNTLEY JOHNSON. Dee Finley's third-degree resisting arrest felony has been reduced to a misdemeanor. UNDEFEATED IN COURT, BABY.

IN SOVIET WASHINGTON STATE POLE WORKS YOU. Toni Pole likes throwing around 300 pound men for fun, and you'll like watching Toni Pole throw around those hapless 300 pound men. The novelty of writing nice things about Washington State football has not worn off, and probably will persist for some time.

MICHIGAN FANS ARE STILL DRUNK. And given the game against Notre Dame, plan to stay drunk for some time. On a similar theme, TWIS went up yesterday afternoon, and is beyond spectacular:

Tonight I let the small bluegill and two other panfish that were in my aquirium into the creek down the street. I figured I can't have anymore pussies in my man cave. I will catch some fish that will be a f---ing asshole ( like a bass) where every time I feed it it will dominate, and then s--- out the remains. call me wierd but I got nothing left.

OHHHHH BOY. Someone does care about Boston College football, though it's really more of a mourning session at this point in the season.

GOOOO TWITTER. The rightfully suspended an account set up as "Austin Box's Zombie," and the person who did this deserves a tumor of the greatest severity and aggression. We also don't assume the entire Florida State fanbase is this horrible because a.) that would be unfair to Florida State fans, who are people after all, and b.) Because this person knew how to use a computer, and was therefore likely an Oklahoma fan reverse-trolling his own fanbase as a double agent for the Sooners.

ETC. If Kirk Ferentz coached like a terrified adolescent in squatting on the ball at the end of the Iowa/ISU game on Saturday, it could be because of the terrifying cock-art exhibit (SFW article) and John Holmes Prick Parade (not as much SFW, no) underway on Iowa's campus. That's enough to make any man shrink inside a shell of conservative thinking.

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