Former Kansas State head coach Ron Prince may not know a lot about anything, but he knows a little about a little. He would love to have just five minutes of your time to talk about how a few simple ideas could change the course of your family's financial fortunes forever.
Our long national nightmare is over, fellow patriots: Ron Prince is ready, willing, and able to chase nickels around dollar bills for you. Camouflage compensation will chase this market out of its funk, after all, cash is king. The Prince is pleased to introduce his new Prince Bonds, based around what I perceive as the core strengths of the U.S. economy: brand equity, Kansas, North Dakota, biodiesel, and baptism by fire.
Worry not America, the fuzzy logic will go no further. Funemployment is a term the Prince, while certainly able to sympathize with, does not take lightly. In order to stabilize the economy, the Prince is even willing to put this burden on his back (and his back alone) and take a 20 year furlough from being a head coach at the collegiate level. All this for you, America. This self imposed one-man hiring freeze will create a halo effect sure to kickstart the economy in ways those braniacs at the Federal Reserve have never envisioned. The Rule of Prince is as follows: rumortrage is never in the playbook; the Prince Index bubble will be permanent and long lasting and even though you may not acknowledge exactly why there's ever so slightly more money in your checking accounts, in your heart of hearts, you'll know why.
Some people ask me, "Coach Prince? What makes you qualified to take on the greatest crisis of confidence in the history of the American economy?" I tell them, "Sir or madam, what made me qualified to continue the greatest era of success in Kansas State football history?" Without fail there never seems to be any hard follow ups.
Another popular question I sometimes field is, "Coach Prince, what makes you qualified to discuss credit crises and would you move your car because you're not allowed to park there?" I laugh and smile because a positive attitude is key and is certainly a character trait lacking in many of today's most "reputable" financial analysts and experts. Sometimes the best answers are things left unsaid. Warren Buffett said that.
"So how do I get in at the ground floor and whom do I make this check out to?," you're probably asking yourself. Trick question: I only accept payments via USPS money order or Western Union. But if you are going to invest in the future stability of this fine nation and ensure that your great grandchildren attend but the highest caliber land grant institutions, the choice is simple: Invest in a Princely manner, or be the first hoping for another gold rush, and I'm afraid I've got bad news, friends: we're out of coasts to leave "sooner" to get to. It's Prince Memorial Toll Road or the actual highway. The choice is yours.