This offseason was terrible for fans of The Ohio State
with our coach falling on his sword in the midst of tattoo-gate.
So after hearing about Miami, please forgive my attitude,
but there is nothing better for an Ohioan, then South Beach Schadenfreude.
To be sure, almost all football programs are known to cheat a bit,
you may let a recruit borrow a car, or sign a guy who might be a convict.
So when I heard of violations, I assumed it was something lame,
but breaking basic NCAA bylaws wasn't enough for the Hurricanes.
The illegal benefits provided were truly of epic proportions
from providing illegal yacht parties, to paying for abortions.
Some were so outlandish, you might not believe them it I told ya,
like Kellen Winslow crashing an illegal jetski into a boat (LIKE A SOLIDJA)
Lets not forget the booster illegally generated all this green
and used the funds from his 950 million dollar Ponzi Scheme.
So while the initial violations are bad enough to throw the program to the fire,
its even worse when you add the bonus felony multiplier.
Now as the sporting nation looks on aghast at Miami's crimes,
the NCAA will have to ponder what punishment to levy this time.
This buckeye fan hopes the "Death Penalty" Grim Reaper is who they decide to teach
a lesson to the Hurricanes, as he takes his talents...to South Beach.