THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/10/2011

THIS IS ROB IANELLO FOR YOUTUBE SPORTS Bless his heart. Akron coach Rob Ianello's been (with respect to what we're accustomed to in these United BCS States of Americas) providing a surprisingly candid look into his program in a daily vlog of late. While as roughly substantive as you can imagine, all you dreamers in America's heartland holding out on a wing and a prayer for a 100% win increase from 2010 (ergo a 2-10 for the non-math majors like yours truly out there) season can get your daily fill with the man who once inspired such confidence in Notre Dame succeeding Charlie Weis that his players voted to turn down a bowl bid. And 'sgo Zips!

 

GEORGIA SYNDROME Consensus #1 team in the land? Worry not, Oklahoma; before the season even starts you'll have impact maker after impact maker injured, arrested/suspended, or otherwise until three or so seasons from now Coach Stoops is handing out motivational pamphlets about some kind of Positivity Train. Losing leading tackler Travis Lewis leaves the Sooners somewhat hampered with a date with fellow top 5 playmate Florida State looming ominously a little more than a month away. If recent pop culture's taught me anything, however, the answer is clearly Dr. James Franco turning your entire team into blood thirsty chimpanzees. And even if we're not willing, ready, or able, Oklahoma's student paper asks the important question: is Oklahoma's high profile senior class cursed? The answer: yes with a yes no with a maybe? While they may not be cursed, infection is still very much on the table. Let's give it 28 days and see if Norman has gone from mere run-of-the-mill hell hole to post-apocalyptic free for all.

NOT RUN OUT WITH PITCHFORKS (BUT STILL WORTHY OF A PITCHFORK SCORE AKIN TO GHOSTLAND OBSERVATORY TO SOME) SI media observer Richard Deitsch has an interview with Kirk Herbstreit not unlike the one Eleven Warriors had a year ago at this same time. Time and change do surely show, however, that, fairly or unfairly, being critical of Ohio State when the going gets tough means even some of your own will stop being receptive to what you're selling. Despite attempting to set the record straight that the majority of Ohio State backers he and his family have encountered have been openly apologetic for the way he was received in the latter portions of his tenure in C-Bus (and that he wasn't run out of town or cut and run as the narrative continues to insist), Herbstreit will have miles to go to clear the air with some Buckeye devotees. Like it or not, Herbstreit was and will continue to be a diplomat of the university. And as reasonable or absurdly far fetched as some of the over analysis of every word and action he makes goes, the staunchest haters will never accomplish anything more than further negative stereotypes about their fan base as ol Kirk continues to grade out highly with most casual football fans and Smart Football'ish types alike.

(ANTI)SCIENCE! Bill C continues to preach with the sort of fervor and genius we've come to expect from him, but in detailing 2011 LSU, he points out that the 2010 edition serves as a staunch reminder that Les Miles serves no nature and no god:

The 2010 season was Les Miles' masterpiece, not from the standpoint of wins and losses (though an 11-2 record in the SEC West is outstanding) but of flair, chaos, and a general embrace of the absurd.

...

There were no true trends in LSU's season -- each game was a piece of art and flair all to itself. The worse the defense played, the better the offense performed, and vice versa.

Pure chaos, man. Science, luck, and even logic have no place where we're going. And much like chaostician Dr. Ian Malcolm in the novel "Jurassic Park", randomness plus velociraptors existing in the 1990's = intestines will be spilled in bulk.

THE HUMANS ARE DEAD Sagarin's initial 2011 ELO Chess rankings, you know the one that has a direct impact on who plays for our arbitrary crystal football award, have seen the light of day. The computers love them some... Florida? Kiffykins? Auburn? While a decent number of the top flight schools parallel, seeing Ohio State third proves the computers have a far great sense of humor than we'll ever be capable of. As it says in the letters from the apostle "10101101100101" in the Robot scriptures, "In the year of our Baus, the rules of robotics go out the window."

AUBURN IS A VIDEO GAME Auburn's practice field shot at twilight looks like something from an EA Sports wet dream. Unfortunately 2011 Auburn is "Black Ops" to 2010's "Modern Warfare 2". But even if Cam Newton's noob tube efficacy is no more, at least it looks pretty.

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