FULMER CUPDATE: SYRACUSE FOOTBALL HUSTLES URRDAY
by Spencer Hall on Aug 1, 2011 12:30 PM EDT
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PrintBrian the Boardmaster filed this from space, where he and his member are being used as an interstellar space elevator. He and Reggie Nelson take shifts for you, for freedom, and for our future as a species.
SYRACUSE. We had a discussion with a woman who went to Syracuse once about some recently released academic rankings. These are fun, because no matter where you are on the list the invocation of said list will invoke some form of deep insecurity. In this case, we said, "Yeah, Syracuse was ranked somewhere in the mid fifties alongside the University of Florida." Her response: "Wow, we've slipped." To conclude, the school you went to sucks, and you should always remember this.
There is something to be said about Syracuse grads, and that is most of them we've known have been very hard workers who coincidentally move the hell away from Syracuse at the first drop of "opportunity anywhere but Syracuse." Maybe the thought of lake-effect snows and moldering industrial plants is enough motivation all by itself, but there has to be a branded fondness for work and ingenuity at play here, too.
Just look at the diligence of senior starting wide receiver Marcus Sales, for instance. He wasn't going to be caught with the usual half-gram of loose shake weed rolling around his glove compartment. No: this is no slovenly Greg Robinson operation here. If things were going to go sideways, they were going to do so with Doug Marrone-like attention to detail, and a real care for the little things.
Police found three knotted pieces of plastic containing a green plant-like substance that tested positive for marijuana, a plastic baggie containing 180 Lortab (hydrocodone and acetaminophen) tablets, three digital scales, a plastic cup with gin and other baggies with devil, superman and pit bull insignias on them.
Does the Lortab jump out to you as the sketchiest part of this whole package to you? Weed is so collegiate, but we see pill and think "Appalachian pharmaceutical-steeze," a term which for the uninitiated is NOT good. Kudos on the digital scales, though. A wideout lives and dies by his precision, and in this case Sales appears to take his cuts very seriously on and off the field.
There's four points in misdemeanors alone, and then three different felony charges, and if you get caught with three different digital scales and are drinking in the car, we give you the bonus point for "The Most Blatant Attempt To Live Out A Clipse Song" Award for 2011. That is 14 points for Syracuse in the Fulmer Cup, and a definite edge to Mr. Sales for the individual achievement award, the Ellis T. Jones III Award.
(Oh, and Syracuse running back Prince-Tyson Gulley was stabbed in a brawl this weekend, but he's fine because of medical science and because his last name is already "Gulley," son. YOU GOT TO BRING A BROADSWORD TO TAKE THIS DOWN GAME OF THRONES SHIT UP IN THIS.)
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"Brian the Boardmaster filed this from space, where he and his member are being used as an interstellar space elevator."
So that’s why we canceled the shuttle program.
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by She Blinded Me With Violence on Aug 1, 2011 12:34 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Pusha-T there is having a serious party with 180 Loratab.
#enoughtokill2horses
by jerry.bail.bonds on Aug 1, 2011 12:36 PM EDT reply actions
I have so much pride right now
/Most revelant thing Syracuse has done in 10 years is 4th place in the Fulmer Cup.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 12:37 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Woooh UGA only 3 points behind Florida in US News
(Ignore that 25 other schools approx. are ranked at 56)
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Aug 1, 2011 12:38 PM EDT reply actions
That's a lot, but that's not the scary part
other baggies with devil, superman and pit bull insignias on them
Stamped bags is a longstanding tradition in the heroin dealer community.
1950 NCAA Co-National Champions
by Old South on Aug 1, 2011 12:45 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
it's a longstanding tradition
in every dealer community
by Emerszi on Aug 1, 2011 12:50 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Samson gets me lifted!
...I never had a shortage of people tryin' to warn me about the dangers I pose to myself...
by Boozy McHound on Aug 1, 2011 12:51 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
The ones with RichRod raise me up!
Snake eyes cry
Boxcars sigh
Seven's stuck in the middle
Just wonderin' why.
by Sasquatch Love on Aug 1, 2011 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions
WMDs, getcha WMDs here!
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
I was also thinking X,
but then I noticed it was bags stamped, not pills stamped
Spiders are Satan's basket weavers
Yeah... They put insignia on the baggies for windowpanes of acid, too.
It isn’t just a heroin thing.
(may, or may not, have seen this exact baggie before)
by Cocky Scar on Aug 1, 2011 3:44 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
180 Lortab is a lot, but it won't get you high enough in Starkville
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Aug 1, 2011 1:53 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Lortab is some evil sh*t
Everyone I know that has been given that stuff has had some major hallucinations. They actually won’t give me codeine at all because I basically went off the reservation when I took the Lortab. Even the name seems evil to me.
So is "Gulley" the surname given to bastards born in Akron, OH?
Sounds about right.
For God and country—Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo
by LoneStarHoosier on Aug 1, 2011 12:42 PM EDT reply actions 7 recs
Anyone else fascinated by the irony that his last name is Sales?
Hallucinogenic love drugs, sir. The pagans were taking them. We were trying to fit in.
by Cali Dawg on Aug 1, 2011 12:45 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
'Twas the first thing I noted and guffawed at.....
The second was the reporters apparent “paid-by-the word” style. To wit:
Police found three knotted pieces of plastic containing a green plant-like substance that tested positive for marijuana….instead of “Police found marijauna, etc.”
The voices in my head sound just like Hope Solo. No wonder I do all these crazy things
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 1, 2011 12:49 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Beware all green plant-like substance!
"Disco?" He shakes his head. "What a dark time for our country."
by Burrito Electrico on Aug 1, 2011 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions
Green Plant like substance Madness!
Snake eyes cry
Boxcars sigh
Seven's stuck in the middle
Just wonderin' why.
by Sasquatch Love on Aug 1, 2011 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Plus, everyone knows that "knotted pieces of plastic" full of pot
are called “rathearts.”
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Aug 1, 2011 3:15 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Mr. Sales is a moron.
That’s not against the law.
by Lucas Jackson on Aug 1, 2011 11:50 PM EDT up reply actions
Nine schools at 12 or higher with a month to go?
Auburn’s performance is masking one of the deepest overall Fulmer seasons we’ve ever seen.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Aug 1, 2011 12:48 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
and UGA hasn't even made their obligatory late season run
/scootered
Snake eyes cry
Boxcars sigh
Seven's stuck in the middle
Just wonderin' why.
by Sasquatch Love on Aug 1, 2011 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Yeah
Auburn ruined what could have been a suspenseful final month.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Auburn is why we can't have nice things.
Snake eyes cry
Boxcars sigh
Seven's stuck in the middle
Just wonderin' why.
by Sasquatch Love on Aug 1, 2011 12:54 PM EDT up reply actions
Should we make 2nd place the prize to get this year?
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Aug 1, 2011 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions
the switzer can?
Snake eyes cry
Boxcars sigh
Seven's stuck in the middle
Just wonderin' why.
by Sasquatch Love on Aug 1, 2011 1:03 PM EDT up reply actions
Still.
He is a Bootlegger’s Boy.
/still surprised his book didn’t come with complementary crayons
by Albino Tornado on Aug 1, 2011 1:51 PM EDT up reply actions
I thought about that
But it would serve no purpose outside of this year unless there was consistently worthy 2nd place teams.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions
Make it some sort of special achievement award.
Only to be distributed in case of an absurd year
by T-Jax, Field General on Aug 1, 2011 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Auburn outbid us for all the nice things.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Aug 1, 2011 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions 6 recs
Syracuse: Your 2011 Big East champion
…
…
in the Fulmer Cup.
/ominous music
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 1, 2011 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
We could pull off the double and get both
Though incidentally us getting the Big East Fulmer Cup Championship hindered our chances on the field.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Do we have any volunteers to dispose of these menacing substances?
by The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You on Aug 1, 2011 1:01 PM EDT reply actions 5 recs
8 Ball doesn't do Heroin or Painkillers
He’s all about uppers man.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions
haha w/e u say bro
sometimes i like to get down and chill like today i hooked up with my friend carlos and now i’m just chillin on this girls back and i’m gonna stay here til i get my dreamstate back and i need to sleep but sleep costs money like $100 an hour or at least thats what my chiropractor said but i don’t trust him cause he is a banana
I regret that I have but one computer to troll this website.
by Nick Fairleys Hitlist on Aug 1, 2011 1:08 PM EDT up reply actions 9 recs
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
8 Ball, you’re full of surprises.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 1:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Don't knock it till ya try it, man
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Aug 1, 2011 1:58 PM EDT up reply actions 5 recs
Wow
That has to have been one of the best parties in the history of the world
A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance
HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boilermaker Blog
Rec'd hard!
Skibbidity wee bob shee bob skibbity dibbity bop!
by Lucas Jackson on Aug 1, 2011 11:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Also always hustling:
84-year-old former Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards, who married this nice 32-year-old lady this weekend. He just finished a 10-year stint in federal prison over corruption charges.
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
by Billy Gomila on Aug 1, 2011 1:07 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Never change, Louisiana.
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
Everyday
I’m Shufflin’
...I never had a shortage of people tryin' to warn me about the dangers I pose to myself...
by Boozy McHound on Aug 1, 2011 1:13 PM EDT up reply actions 8 recs
All his peers are dead or incarcerated, I imagine.
by Albino Tornado on Aug 1, 2011 1:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Not quite
By hilarious coincidence, one of his old rivals Buddy Romer is running for president this year. You want political humor, look up the ’83 race between Edwards and Treen.
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook THE LSU Tigers Blog of the Week for 52,136 Weeks in a Row and Counting
Better yet, just watch this and bask in our legacy of corruption
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook THE LSU Tigers Blog of the Week for 52,136 Weeks in a Row and Counting
"Yeah, I may be a crook, but at least I'm not boring!"
Best. Campaign slogan. Ever.
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
Thanks for the lesson
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Aug 1, 2011 1:21 PM EDT up reply actions 7 recs
Diffusion, not osmosis
Osmosis is diffusion of water through a membrane.
And we were singing, hymns and arias...
He was even let out of prison early...
Peace through Speeches
by My real name is Dick Whitman on Aug 1, 2011 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Is that the girl from the Certain-Dri commercials?
"Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Maybe some of us drink because we're not poets." - Arthur Bach
very cool
"Put me in a college football stadium press box on a Saturday afternoon, and I'm more giddy than a 13-year-old at a Miley Cyrus concert." - Mark Schlabach
by Matt 'n' The Hat on Aug 1, 2011 2:11 PM EDT up reply actions
I met this guy - a crazy coon-ass crooked Leezyanna politician - who told me how to deal with my excessive sweat
He gave me stacks of money to put under my arms. Very cool.
by Albino Tornado on Aug 1, 2011 2:56 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
I'm not complaining about it this year.
PLZ TO KEEP YOUNG MASTER FLOYD OCCUPIED WITH LEGOS AND OTHER WHOLESOME ACTIVITIES THX.
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Aug 1, 2011 1:54 PM EDT up reply actions
LOL NO SIR F U ARRESTED FOR SELLING CRANCH COCAINE
Ambitious, but rubbish.
by UMBAI on Aug 1, 2011 1:59 PM EDT up reply actions 8 recs
Rec for cranch
"THIS IS EVERY SCOTTISH WORD EVER: LAPHROAIGFRAOGHRAFLAGLLAPHLAIG" - Joe Paterno/BHGP
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Aug 1, 2011 2:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Cranberry Ranch: Brought to you by the fine folks at Ocean Spray and Hidden Valley
Das Twitter, just like Das Boot. Only with fewer Germans. And no boat.
by emc503 on Aug 1, 2011 2:10 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Delicious on cottage cheese when there is no ketchup available.
by Dr. Norris Camacho on Aug 1, 2011 2:13 PM EDT up reply actions
flagged for cottage cheese
"Hello, Nicholas Sparks. My pets adore your children's books." -Spencer Hall
Also, Fuck Clemson.
Flagged for Ketchup on cottage cheese
Cottage cheese is at it’s best with salt & pepper.
I’m a purist like that. I guess that’s why my friends call me Whiskers.
Supporting the Kenji Jackson Approach for every day situations.
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Aug 1, 2011 2:57 PM EDT up reply actions
Sadly, if they made it in a spray version
I’d eat it on salad. My trademark salad is butter lettuce, grilled chicken, feta, cranberries (and/or blueberries, strawberries), pecans.
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
Sounds like my go-to takeout lunch option in downtown DC
Salad with roasted chicken, dried cranberries, dates, pecans, corn, tomatoes, and goat cheese, with lime-cilantro vinaigrette.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
Where do you find this concoction of semi-healthy lunch goodness?
/time in dc spent eating badly, need new option
Brown Bag
I think they have several locations downtown.
http://www.brownbagonline.com/
Breadline at 18th and Penn also has great salads.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
I found of pic of ND players enjoying post-game lollipops today
Maybe that will work.
by Truffle Shuffle on Aug 1, 2011 2:43 PM EDT up reply actions
Slow Summer
With Auburn having gone K2 seemigly spontaneously out of the gate, the FC competition just hasn’t been the same this year. I’m all for integrity of the rules and whatnot, but just this once can we open up the competition? Perhaps lift the “double-points weekend” from COD Black Ops. Maybe just put Auburn into the FC HOF and let everyone else duke it out? Or we could install a playoff format and give a Big East team a fair chance at playing for the title – non-BCS schools deserve a chance, too.
"Some of my best friends are Alabama graduates" - Jay Coulter
by PantslessPatDye on Aug 1, 2011 2:15 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Is this year a record?
I don’t recall anyone breaking 80 before…
Hallucinogenic love drugs, sir. The pagans were taking them. We were trying to fit in.
31 points for Mr. ETJ3
It’s Babe Ruth-ian.
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on Aug 1, 2011 2:57 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Sadly, no team had ever broken 80 in TOTAL points for the Fulmer Cup.
In one night, Auburn went from tied for somewhere around 76th all-time to 1st.
One interesting note: the Lee County judge has given Mike McNeil release to go to North Carolina to play football somewhere (didn’t read the full article, so not sure where) this fall. Which kinda leads me to believe that the prosecution doesn’t exactly have the evidence or case to warrant the charges that they all received. But it is what it is. They were charged, and by FC rules, those are the points we get stuck with.
Chairman of the Frivolous And Wasteful Committee On Avocado Peels (FAWCOAP).
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Aug 2, 2011 9:43 AM EDT up reply actions
YIPES
CALL THE POORS, JEEVES, IT’S TIME TO BUILD AN ARK
Das Twitter, just like Das Boot. Only with fewer Germans. And no boat.
by emc503 on Aug 1, 2011 2:47 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
YES PLZ TO SEND HERE KTHX
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
There are 3 fucking College Football games on right now
What the fuck, I’m not ready for two-a-days coach.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
Fuck, I need to buy something
I dont have a desk anymore, makes the laptop +2 30 inch monitors (previously poker devices) and 50 inch tv configuration a little tougher.
IKEA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Spiders are Satan's basket weavers
I hate IKEA so damn much
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 3:07 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?
by Dr. Norris Camacho on Aug 1, 2011 3:09 PM EDT up reply actions 6 recs
Step two: don't fuck the board by yourself
Get a friend to help you fuck it.
by Broncanous Mendenhall on Aug 1, 2011 3:10 PM EDT up reply actions 5 recs
Crafty Swedes
A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance
HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boilermaker Blog
I don't even want to know what that 3rd panel means.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Aug 1, 2011 3:10 PM EDT up reply actions
Don't fuck your bookshelf on a hard surface.
Fuck it on something soft, like a rug.
by Broncanous Mendenhall on Aug 1, 2011 3:12 PM EDT up reply actions 9 recs
Beat me to it.
"Without spirits the men cannot support the fatigues of a long campaign" - Maj. Gen. Nathanael Greene
thetwitter
by TheDutchWonder on Aug 1, 2011 3:12 PM EDT up reply actions
Step 4
If you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, use the special IKEA bat-phone to call someone who also doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing
...and the wind cries McGuffie
by ScreaminOwl on Aug 1, 2011 3:28 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I find the idea of Ikea weird for Scandanavians
I assumed you all simply made your own wood furniture by felling trees in the back yard and whittling them down into quaint, well crafted tchotchkies.
And then raped all of the English women.
"Oh so if he's not Muslim he just gets a pass? That's called profiling mother and I don't do it!" - Sterling Mallory Archer
by Nick Petrilli on Aug 1, 2011 3:16 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
How do I furniture?!
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
by allicolls on Aug 1, 2011 3:42 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Now, now
Uncle Stewart may have had trouble with a lot of basic concepts, but furniture-making was not one of them.
Troof.....
He whittled his bride, Karen from Morgantown, their entire bedroom suite, living room suite, the dining room table and eight chairs, plus the breakfast nook. Bill’s production fell of slightly when he was elevated to Hea Coach and only had time to carve six fron porch rockers and a dozen picture frames.
The voices in my head sound just like Hope Solo. No wonder I do all these crazy things
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 1, 2011 4:09 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
He whittled his bride?
That actually sounds about right.
by T-Jax, Field General on Aug 1, 2011 5:11 PM EDT up reply actions
He whittled FOR his bride.....
He may have whittled his bride, but that knowledge is beyond my ken.
The voices in my head sound just like Hope Solo. No wonder I do all these crazy things
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 1, 2011 5:30 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
"Sales appears to take his cuts very seriously on and off the field"
A proud example, to which all puns should aspire.
Let's GO ORANGE
clap clap clapclapclap.
Wait. We aren’t winning games? Just losing players? I am sorry I made the correlation between arrests and wins…sigh.
/Orange win Big East.
//Loses by 50 in Orange Bowl.
Live to fly!
Go Gators!
Also, Craig James allegedly murdered 5 hookers while at SMU.
Bah
/only lost by 50 in the Orange Bowl once
//and that was in the 1950s
///still, 0-Orange Bowls. Fiesta we actually won once, and Sugar we at least Tyed once. National Championship year won the Cotton.
Losing by 50 in a random game against Miami, though, that happened depressingly often…
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