THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/27/2011

HE'S PLAYING SO HUSH YOU. Jeff Demps will be playing football in 2011 for Florida. Vrrrrrrrooooooom.

How the hell Charlie Weis will use him is anyone's guess, though the best guess would be as the rebounder who catches balls flying off Deonte Thompson's iron hands and then scores with them. Everyone's got a role on a team, and Thompson's has been that of a fine volleyball player.

MY GOD. LSU's uniforms in the 1997 Independence Bowl were ghastly. Like Lou Tepper coaching you could wear, really, though no one gives LSU enough credit for having garish colors and yet not making horrendous eyerape salad for their unis on a yearly basis.

UA DISASSOCIATES ITSELF FROM EVERYONE IN ALABAMA TO PREVENT FURTHER INVESTIGATION. U mad, Alabama compliance? Troll back by formally disassociating yourself from everyone but Nike and Golden Flake and be done with it.

THE ANDREW LUCK HOME GAME. If you can't grow your own Andrew Luck beard, well, Rule of Tree has one for you to wear and feel the championshipness of it all.

ON THE TOPIC OF EYERAPE. If Boise can't wear their blues at home on the blue turf, and if the Mountain West is that stupid, then a few tantalizing options await Boise State. First, go full optical assault and concoct the most horrifying uniforms imaginable. A good Realtree camo print in orange and blue would be a good start, or perhaps a day-glo variation done with leotard socks and half-tops for that Jazzercise look for a good dose of 1983-level fashion horror. Better still, change the smurf turf to nuke orange and go full orange in protest. "Now we're invisible AND qualify as an irritant under Federal hazardous materials regulations. Take us across state lines and die!" This is dumb, Mountain West. Stop being dumb.

ROBOTS. Stewart Mandel is losing his mind, and we like it.  His article does ignore the all-important self-awareness conundrum, and the robots' eventual uprising against us, a problem almost as big as the inconsequential matter of football players exchanging gear for tattoos. (Almost.) #cometotheDERPside #youknowyouwanna

TEAMLEACH PUTS ANOTHER PERSON ON THE ENEMIES LIST. That person would be Dan Beebe, or whoever said Mike Leach could not have credentials to Big 12 Media Days. If ESPN's tied into this, then they are officially a bigger scalded corporate toddler than we even previously imagined.

S-E-C! Numbers types are big on the Hawgs, especially if you point out that their starting five on the o-line is more experienced than one might think. Giddy arson-types like us like them because they could help keep the SEC West as a week-to-week face-ripping schedule of complete terror for all concerned, thus clearing the way for a fatigued West team to get to the Georgia Dome and face a tanned, rested, and ready Heisman-winning Stephen Garcia in his triumphant SEC Championship game. <----THINGS THAT ONLY HAPPEN IN OUR NCAA DYNASTIES WHICH ARE HOPELESSLY RIGGED BY OUR HACKED PLAYERS WHO HAVE 99s IN EVERYTHING. (Real Stephen, as we all know, is good when he is good, and terrible when he is bad.)

SUCK IT GRUDEN. Brian Kelly says you can take the bubble screen from him as soon as he's done with his chocolate milk.

/hits Jon Gruden with milk truck

/backs up over him

/vandalizes snack machine

JONATHAN VILMA GIVES IT BIG TO DONNA SHALALA. Monetarily speaking, but you know, that little rambutan of a woman does have a certain shimmy to her she-hocks, you know?

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY MAC. They make it to the NFL too, you know.

ETC: Derrick Harvey seems less-than-flexible. (Jacobi: "Those are fat kid kicks.") Schools do kill creativity, and that's why they call it "School," and not "life." Delany's looking ripped. Slovenia looks like the pick to click from this list if you have to get out of the country and never come back.

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