We snapped a number of shoddy pictures from our sideways seat in the main media room of the SEC's annual coach-and-pony show. Many of them were taken midsentence and made some of college football's most renowned figures look like gassy babies. Enjoy?
PRELUDE TO A STEAK
Before we get too far into this, a word: Everybody remember this little number from the Wynfrey's website?
We ask because it's still there, and because the following literature placed in everybody's rooms did not dissuade us from the notion that we were in for some unwanted erotica with our sirloin strips:
To the TraveLOLgue!
Steve Spurrier has, as his default facial expression, the most immaculate U MAD face we've ever seen on a real human. He also wore a pink tie to Media Days despite showing up the color of sunburnt brick, and looked fantastic. Your argument is invalid.
We had nothing to do with this, but would have if we'd thought of it: John Brantley's 2010 passing stats were projected at the front of the room during his interview session. MEAN.
This is the only sincere compliment you'll hear us give Kentucky all year: Joker Phillips has what it takes to be a successful D-I head coach, by virtue of having perfected the Nick Saban Patented Veiny JawClench after just one season. Look at that form!
Girding our collective loins (gross), we return for:
According to several Auburn fans of our acquaintance, Gene "THE GOON" Chiznap has never been photographed with visible teeth. This is as close as we could get.
Dolla Bill always says Doolander looks like one of our kittens. We never got that before. We totally see it now.
ALABAMA, OR, THE PART WHERE WE ARE ALL BEATEN WITH SACKS OF ORANGES BY NICK SABAN'S DOLL EYES
In photos, James Franklin meshes well with his doofy counterpart SEC skippers. In person, he's immaculately dressed and a polished salesman.
EXEUNT, PURSUED BY BOWDEN
Via friend of the program Brian, here's an ESPN bus parked outside the convention center.
ENH--holy shit, Florence Alabama. And we'll bet all the money in our pockets against all the money in yours that Terry Bowden was clinging to the underside of this bus the whole way down to the 'Ham with his unusually prehensile fingers and toes, hissing, I'm still in the game, boys!