THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/20/11

CHEEK BY JOWL While whispers that Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU continue to spread like wildfire (where there's smoke there's five hookers perhaps killed by Craig James while he was at SMU???), the physical pain of another James, perhaps, in some ways, helps us as a society move beyond their tragically unsolved, premature passings. Thank you, Adam. In one way, you crumbled to the ground, not unlike the aforementioned five hookers, perhaps baselessly alleged to have been killed by a high prominence certain not-candidate for Senative. This probably fails to draw attention away from the clearly baseless, malicious rumor mongering that Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU. We condone no such gossip, here say, or hurtful speculation around these parts. On the other hand, by distracting us, we as a society can collectively heal, and together, move past the latest in a long series of internet scuttlebutt, this idle chatter in particular related to the canards that Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU. Thank you. For being you.

MAKE THOUSANDS OF ILLICIT PHONE CALLS LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY

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(H/T: PodKatt)

LSU skated. Like a boss. By having their compliance department cooperate and self report clear violations early, despite doing their best The Wire impersonation, the Taffymaster-in-Chief and co. will enjoy but a mere slap on the wrist in the form of one year probation. We did it, you guys. Our nothing-but-Amazing Grass cleanse gave us the karmic bump we needed to enjoy an unadulterated season of the new Les Miles buddy comedy with Steve Kragthorpe.

Meanwhile, that sound you heard from Columbus in the distance...

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In spite of Ohio State's athletic leaderships' collective incompetence, if anything, their respective compliance department has been brown nosing the NCAA with the best of them as each violation came to light and in general has a strong reputation for being amongst the leaders in noncore self reporting. But worry not, haters and trollgaze dreamers everywhere: With three weeks and change to the Buckeyes' "day in court", there's plenty of time for a point shaving scandal, arms-for-butter fiasco, or the world's most corrupt game of Plinko to come to light.

THE 2011 PLAYER HATERS' BALL IS OVER Whether A&M needs the SEC more than the SEC needs A&M (or, you know, if neither really needs anything to do with one another), BON and EDSBS Live co-pilot Peter Bean has taken Aggie behind the proverbial woodshed with the force of a thousand suns. When TexAgs discovers this development six weeks from now, it will be so on. U MAD FARMER?

OH, I-U FANCY? While Riddell is beyond confused why anyone would leave Oklahoma to coach Indiana football, the Hoosiers have taken a far more pragmatic approach to reinventing their prosaic football program. While wearing your school colors and leaving it at that is a noble pursuit, Indiana will have to continue to rely on Soviet brainwashing technology to sell 17 and 18-year-olds on spending 4-5 years of their life on the corridor between Illinois and Ohio. Carry on comrades.

YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT'S A PADDLIN' In all their chart-and-graphy goodness, the USA Today acts like this is even a question:

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Will Muschamp has already whipped most, if not all, of his friends. He will whip his wife, children, in-laws, parents, grandparents, and all living people within a 3000 mile radius of Gainesville if this means Florida's return to eliteness.

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