Dave 1: Hi I’m Dave Neal.
Dave 2: And I’m Dave Rowe.
Dave 1: Or maybe it’s the other way around.
Dave 2: Who knows? Welcome to another edition of Coach’s Cooking Corner on Jefferson Pilot Sports and Food, a division of Raycom, part of the Lincoln Financial Group, and, like everything else, soon to be a wholly-owned subsidiary of ESPN.
Dave 1: That’s right, Dave. Every week we bring you a different side of your favorite college football coaches, who bring the same "Jew day Farve" to the culinary arts as they do the gridiron battle.
Dave 2: Fancy talk there, partner.
Dave 1: Just reading the card, Dave.
Dave 2: And whether it’s the swamps of Florida or the hills of Kentucky, East for Lowland shrimp and grits or way out West for the spicy shrimp and grits of Louisiana, we cover all of America’s great coaches and cuisines.
Dave 1: I heard we might visit Arkansas this year.
Dave 2: Don’t be ridiculous, Dave.
Dave 1: Anyway, Dave Archer is out this week.
Dave 2: But our colleague Dave Baker is down in the kitchen with this week’s guest host and a very special visitor.
Dave 3: Thanks, Daves. With us today is second-year Tennessee Vols coach Derek Dooley. Little D, we’re so happy to have you here.
Precious: Thanks Dave, Dave, Dave. I’ve loved the show every since y’all let dad come on to do his roasted pork right after he lost the Sugar Bowl.
Dave 3: Which time?
Precious: Not sure.
Dave 1: So basically that just eliminates 1981.
Precious: Touché, Dave. Anyway, I’ve brought along my mother today to help out and she's . . .
Barbara: Hey, y’all! I’m so excited to be here today, y’all!
Dave 2: Barbara, the pleasure is all mine. May I say you look just as lovely as that night we first met in Jacksonville in 1966.
Barbara: Oh look, y’all, Little Stevie threw another interception! Ha, good times.
Dave 2: Plenty of cocktails that night.
Barbara: None that we’re gonna share today. Y’all, you are just gonna love what I have planned for y’all today, y’all. First I’m gonna…
Precious: Mom, I’m the guest host.
Barbara: Quiet honey, mamma’s workin’. Today we’re doing my famous baked butter chicken. We’re gonna serve that with my buttery corn pudding and thyme-butter sautéed chanterelles.
Precious: Wait, isn’t that a mushroom? Doodlebugs and criminalities! Mushrooms? Please no! It’s a fungus, mother. A fungus!
Precious: I’m still shivering. I need to calm down. Someone bring me some ice cream.
Barbara: You can have all you want, honey, but after dinner. Anyway, y’all, first thing you wanna do is get you two pounds of butter out of the fridge. Some people say unsalted, but I think the salt keeps the heart strong. While that softens, start working on your chicken. Divide it into eight pieces like so. Now I’m saving the back bones and the wing tips to make stock later, so I’m gonna put this bowl in the fridge and get my herbs and veggies.
Precious: Are you trying to get us all killed? Jesus Christ and General Jackson! You didn’t wash your hands. Then you touched the refrigerator handle with your chicken-covered salmonella mitts!
Barbara: Stifle down, honey, I’ll wash ‘em right quick.
Precious: You think that’s washing? Holy jumping weasel critters on a hot cross bun! That’s not enough soap to even create the hydrophobic environment necessary to encapsulate the bacteria. And you call that scrubbing? Here, watch me…
Dave 2: Well this seems like a good time for a commercial break. When we come back, Barbara’s going to show us how she gets the unique texture of her corn pudding by mixing it directly with her hands.
Precious: Oh for the love of all that is holy and sanitary! That’s it, I’m…