LAWYAS OF EDSBS: We're knocking off early for the long weekend, leaving you to live spicily as best you can in our illustrious absence. We trust you've absorbed enough Digital Viking episodes in this long death march of an offseason to pilot the good ship EDSBS without us, and in the spirit of the holiday weekend, invite everyone to share their most ignominious barbecue stories in the thread below to kick off Friday discussion. Where in your cookouting lives have you gone most horribly wrong? Don't be shy. This is a safe place. Virulent arguments over what, exactly, constitutes "barbecue" are encouraged. Political discourse, religious nattering, snitty recriminations, and creepy efforts at flirting are decidedly not. Y'all take care, now, and we'll see you Tuesday. If you'll bow your heads for just a moment, we'll have a word to the only deity we honor around here:

Crazy Old Testament Football God bless and keep the USA, country of college football and therefore the very most important country, and all of us in it, and our propane tanks, and our wood chippers, and our smoker racks, and our dicey pool covers, and our unnecessarily tinkered-with watery domestic beer bottles, and our dogs with mild cases of alcohol poisoning, and most especially our boat-towed floating trampolines this weekend. Amen.