For those of you who haven't been paying attention, tonight's Game 5 match-up has several interesting subplots.
Subplot The First.
With Dirk Turning into the Walking German Murder Machine (all credit to Venture Bros.) in the 4th quarter of both games 2 and 4, can he finally shake the lingering bias most casual fans have of him as being a "Soft Euro". My money is on no because HE AINT MURICAN N WHYCOME HE AINT PLAYIN WITH HIS BACK TER THA BUKKIT LIKE OL' GEORGE MIKAN? THAT SUMBITCH WAS A MAN BY-GAWD!
Subplot the 2nd
Will this photo be on the side of a milk carton tonight as it should have been for game 4? Yes, yes, I know he played great defense and rebounded well but when you are actively marketing yourself as the greatest B-baller on the planet (Which he is IMO) turning into a pass-whacky contested 3-ball shooter is uh, not what Miami is paying you for. (You're there to sell luxury boxes and jerseys, natch) Both of which happen much more regularly when you win rings. Is he just tired? James has played insane minutes and maybe the cost of having all that freakish strength is that his motor is going to wear down after awhile. Or, he comes in tonight like Sampson after his hair returned and tears down the House of Cuban. Either way, we win as you get to surf the Schadenfreude all the way back to South beach for Game 6 or watch a genuinely unique athlete destroy all before him.
Subplot Number 3
Fountain of Youts
The F*&^ing Matrix is putting up nearly the same numbers as Lebroner in this series AND defending him on most possessions. Didn't the league agree he was a washed up journeyman 3 years ago? I am assuming that Mark Cuban is feeding him a tincture of Panda Bile and ground rhino horn before every game to "make him strong" as my SE Asian bro's like to put it. Well, that or he and Jason (formerly "_ason") Kidd made some sort of Benjamin Button deal with the devil to get one more series out of legs and knees with a LOT of miles on them.
Subplot the 4th (Which is mostly an excuse to post Butt-hurt Lebron picture)
Did Batman just get punked out by Robin?
Well, or Robin got punked out by Batman. For arguments sake Bosh is Vicki Vale in this scenario (if she were a quarter Raptor, a quarter chicken, a quarter Encounters from the 3rd Kind tall skinny alien, and one quarter Cloris Leachman.) At any rate, has the dynamic between Miami's two Alpha's become dysfunctional enough that they will begin a Shaq vs. Kobe style feud?
DEAR COTG, please for all that is evil, venal, and petty in me let this be so.
One other parting shot of actual Baskety hoop analysis type stuff. With the injuries to Dallas' front line, do the Heat need to feed the post early and often to force Tyson Chandler into foul trouble? His rebounding and interior defense have limited Miami's ability to attack the lane like a drive-and-kick team must if they want to keep pace with Dallas' offensive punch.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. YOUR AUTHOR WILL BE GETTING SLOPPY ON WHISKEY AND A SMUGGLED CASE OF PEARL.