THE BALLAD OF BILL STEWART AND DANA HOLGORSEN
by Spencer Hall on Jun 6, 2011 10:45 AM EDT
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PrintThis really required some country ballad-in'.
Six months ago on a cold dark night,
Bill Stewart's career died 'neath the stadium lights.
There were few at the scene, but they all agreed,
Your offense, coach, makes our eyeballs bleed.
And he walks these hills, trailing Long Black FAIL..
And he visits reporters, stabbing Dana's tail.
Nobody knows, nobody will, nobody knows, but whittlin' Bill.
The Judge said son, what's all this for?,
Whittlin' Bill said, "I though Jeff Mullen could score."
Bill texted his guy, said "Dana was playing Keno,
Got drunk and angry, got kicked from the Casino."
And he walks these hills, trailing Long Black FAIL..
And he visits reporters, stabbing Dana's tail.
Nobody knows, nobody will, nobody knows, but whittlin' Bill.
Now the press has found out that Bill carries a blade.
And is stabbing around to keep getting paid
While Dana's parties may make Whittlin' Bill frown
He got one one thing Bill lacks, and it rhymes with "touchdown"
And he walks these hills, trailing Long Black FAIL..
And he visits reporters, stabbing Dana's tail.
Everybody knows this much is true
Bill Stewart can whittle daggers, too.
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Oh, my.
Bravo.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
ditto
dear leader once again raises the bar.
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 11:19 AM EDT up reply actions
Rec'd, grudgingly goddamn it, but rec'd nonetheless.
"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." ~ Joseph Campbell
Thanks
Now a song that exists nowhere else but here is stuck in my mind for the remainder of the day.
On the upside, it has replaced the usual Radio Disney song rotation that had previously been banging around in my head.
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them, well, I have others."
Mountaineer pr0n threadjack
by Board Certified Scrotologist on Jun 6, 2011 10:57 AM EDT reply actions
just getting warmed up
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever
-Mark Twain
Also, Fuck Clemson.
by Gamecock2002 on Jun 6, 2011 11:07 AM EDT up reply actions
That was lit by an incoming Freshman, wasn't it?
EVERYONE knows you burn the cloth-covered couch and sit on the leather one.
Dumbasses.
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
I blame the parents for not instilling proper values in these kids....
Now, get off my lawn.
"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." ~ Joseph Campbell
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 7, 2011 11:34 AM EDT up reply actions
Looks like a hot date.
/shows self out
by LoneStarHoosier on Jun 6, 2011 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions
can someone refer me
to the WV-Couch Burning meme?
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 11:18 AM EDT up reply actions
Couch burning Meme
It happened naturally
Although in some cases accelerants were also used.
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
sweet jeebus
/moonshined
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 11:57 AM EDT up reply actions
I've done some fine couchburning myself
My old rent house was a dump. Every time someone moved out they left their couch behind because they didn’t want to bother moving it. we ended up with about 6 after a while. We had a fire pit in the back yard and one thing led to another…
by touchdown H-town on Jun 6, 2011 12:16 PM EDT up reply actions
He fixed the cable?
...and the drunks all think I made it, and the girls all twist and shake it like they do; all my playground fears have faded, replaced with grown up nightmares that have come true...
by Boozy McHound on Jun 6, 2011 12:20 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Is "he fixed the cable??"
…the new “cool story bro”
i fully expected to get “cool story bro” ’d
by touchdown H-town on Jun 6, 2011 1:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Strange!
In East Lansing, during moving seasons, the tradition is to leave as much junk as you don’t want at the curb as possible, because it’s guarenteed SOMEONE is going to drive by and grab it
Pound, Green! Pound!
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Jun 6, 2011 12:22 PM EDT up reply actions
As good as this is
Damn Yankees “High Enough” will be in my head all damn day.
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by TheMattROb on Jun 6, 2011 10:58 AM EDT reply actions
At this point,
many descendants are both.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
self-hatred, what up!
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 6, 2011 2:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Lefty Frizzell up in dis bitch!
It’s all coming together!
...and the drunks all think I made it, and the girls all twist and shake it like they do; all my playground fears have faded, replaced with grown up nightmares that have come true...
suitable covers include:
emmylou
seldom scene
the band
not suitable:
dave matthews
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions
Johnny Cash off of 'Live at Folsom Prison'
With the guy in the audience laughing midway through.
by Mango Stasi on Jun 6, 2011 11:21 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
yes.. forgot that one
the guy laughing is probably the guy who fled and looked a lot like me.
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 11:25 AM EDT up reply actions
I'm gonna have to ask
you omitted a few versions I enjoy:
Willie
Stoney LaRue
...and the drunks all think I made it, and the girls all twist and shake it like they do; all my playground fears have faded, replaced with grown up nightmares that have come true...
by Boozy McHound on Jun 6, 2011 11:43 AM EDT up reply actions
FUCK EVERYDAYSHOULDBESATURDAY
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 6, 2011 11:08 AM EDT reply actions 12 recs
Shawshank-style elaborate plan
The staregic genius that is Holgo knew this would be the end result of him getting drunk in a casino. It was all part of the plan to get the old man out of the way.
by touchdown H-town on Jun 6, 2011 11:48 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
The greatest trick Holgo ever pulled is convincing WVU he didn't exist at the casino...
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
by Dogrel on Jun 6, 2011 11:52 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
He lets Stewart go
He waits until the end of the season and then he goes after him. He burns his couches, he burns his mattresses, he even burns the couches Stewart used to own and he burns the couches he lost change in. And like that he was gone. Underground. Nobody has ever seen him since. He becomes a myth, a spook story that old ball coaches tell their kids at night. “Rat on your team, and Dana Holgorsen will get you.” And no-one ever really believes.
by touchdown H-town on Jun 6, 2011 12:09 PM EDT up reply actions 10 recs
Holy Friggin Crap!
Seriously rec’n this. Pure artistry. Bravo!!!
Like I said,
in West Virginia a man will do most anything to keep his mind occupied. Turns out Dana’s favorite hobby was gettin’ himself an early promotion, one Vodka-Red Bull at a time.
by touchdown H-town on Jun 6, 2011 11:52 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
HOW IS BABBY FRIED?
"Fandom is irrational and emotional and therefore should be fun." - Wolverine Liberation Army
by SPORTSGEEK42 on Jun 6, 2011 11:42 AM EDT up reply actions
He fired himself, man
/BigLebowski’d
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
mark it a zero dude.
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 11:57 AM EDT up reply actions
No, Dana, these men are nihilists.
There’s nothing to be afraid of.
"I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Prince Phillip
by Go Big Rev on Jun 6, 2011 12:08 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Say what you will about the tenets of WVU fandom
At least it’s an ethos.
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
by Dogrel on Jun 6, 2011 12:10 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Bill was a good whittler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors… and whittler, and as a coach he explored the stadiums of the American South, from Jacksonville to Charlotte and… up to… Tempe. He was fired, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you fired so many bright flowering young men at Ohio State, at Pittsburg and at Colorodo. These young men gave their lives. And so would Bill. Bill, who loved whittling. And so, William Theodore Stewart, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Ohio River , which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince
by Mango Stasi on Jun 6, 2011 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions 20 recs
ohhhhhhh Rec'd
Well done, sir.
There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.
- Woody Hayes
by Culp's Freaking Hill on Jun 6, 2011 12:19 PM EDT up reply actions
No, without a hostage, there is no ransom.
That’s what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 12:13 PM EDT up reply actions
You want a toe?
I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me.
There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.
- Woody Hayes
by Culp's Freaking Hill on Jun 6, 2011 12:17 PM EDT up reply actions
I mean, a young Coach-in-Waiting
in the parlance of our times. I mean, you know?
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by TheMattROb on Jun 6, 2011 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions
In an attempt to mend fences here . . .
. . . Bugs Bunny has been appointed to mediate this dispute in traditional Appalachian style.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Jun 6, 2011 11:58 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Rec'd x 70000000
By the ghost of Rick Danko
Tonight, tonight the strip's just right,
I wanna blow 'em all out of their seats.
We're callin' out around the world, we're going racin' in the street.
-the Boss
by diego tutweiler on Jun 6, 2011 12:10 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
reply fail
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
erp! failure fail
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
it makes no difference, night or day
the shadow never seems to fade away
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
by Sasquatch Love on Jun 6, 2011 12:15 PM EDT up reply actions
HOW DO I POLITICAL INTRIGUE?
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 6, 2011 12:20 PM EDT reply actions
dunno
Auburn is gonna suck in 2011. Let's all embrace that. I will. It seems to work.
by cowcollege on Jun 6, 2011 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
please don't let him be from Wf'ingV
Players who should be in the Hall of Fame: Pat TIllman, Dwight White, Donnie Shell, L.C. Greenwood, Ray Guy, Steve Tasker, Jack Butler, Greg Lloyd, Andy Russell, Cris Carter, Kevin Greene, Curtis Martin, Willie Roaf, Andre Reed and Jerry Kramer
"Baseball is like church. Many attend, but few understand." Wes Westrum
Canal Street Chronicles resident Steelers Fan
by WVPiratesfan on Jun 6, 2011 12:34 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh, I dunno....
….Looks a bit like Doc Holliday on a bad hangover.
a combination of
Bad Boys, Necessary Roughness, a fifth of Turkey, and Caligula
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by TheMattROb on Jun 6, 2011 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Not really sure that beer mixes that well with Red Bull.....
or it could be totally brahsome.
"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." ~ Joseph Campbell
There are not enough couches in the state left to be sacrificed for this amount of brahsomeness
They would have to start raiding West Pennsylvania and Southeast Ohio to find acceptable sacrifices.
"My mistress is pooped, the reds have Oklahoma, and I'm going to bed."
-Hodge Podge, Bloom County
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. "
"In practice, there is."-Yogi Berra
That team would average per game:
500 yards passing, 6 TDs, 7 INTs, two kegs, 1.5 suspensions, 3 pregnancies, 1 DUI and be a million dollars in debt.
I was gambling down by Charleston, and I took a little risk
Send lawyers guns and money, the s**t has hit the fan.
by Raoul Duke MU on Jun 6, 2011 2:39 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
I have rarely seen a song
that so easily sings itself…
seriously, this took 2 seconds to have the melody floating in my head
Never piss off a special teams coach
they will attack you in special ways you will never dream of
He whittles to distract you from his true nature.
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