This really required some country ballad-in'.

Six months ago on a cold dark night,
Bill Stewart's career died 'neath the stadium lights.
There were few at the scene, but they all agreed,
Your offense, coach, makes our eyeballs bleed.

And he walks these hills, trailing Long Black FAIL..
And he visits reporters, stabbing Dana's tail.
Nobody knows, nobody will, nobody knows, but whittlin' Bill.

The Judge said son, what's all this for?,
Whittlin' Bill said, "I though Jeff Mullen could score."
Bill texted his guy, said "Dana was playing Keno,
Got drunk and angry, got kicked from the Casino."

And he walks these hills, trailing Long Black FAIL..
And he visits reporters, stabbing Dana's tail.
Nobody knows, nobody will, nobody knows, but whittlin' Bill.

Now the press has found out that Bill carries a blade.
And is stabbing around to keep getting paid
While Dana's parties may make Whittlin' Bill frown
He got one one thing Bill lacks, and it rhymes with "touchdown"

And he walks these hills, trailing Long Black FAIL..
And he visits reporters, stabbing Dana's tail.
Everybody knows this much is true
Bill Stewart can whittle daggers, too.