THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/30/2011

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RIP, BULLY XIX. Mississippi State's Tatonka Gold, aka Bully XIX, was euthanized yesterday morning around 10 a.m. after a long decline in his health. The mascot served from 2001-2009, and thus had already endured a lot of pain in watching the Sylvester Croom era play out before his horrified, albeit slightly hooded eyes. He did have a small part in barking on the final game of the unfired [NAME REDACTED] era, and for that we will forever owe him. RIP, Slobberbeast. 

WE'RE LOOKING FOR ATTORNEYS WHO LOVE TILTING AT WINDMILLS.  Category 5ers, we're all about helping you find work, and so is Mark Shurtlieff. Upside! Gain business for your firm, impress boss, work one step closer to the day when you'll quit this soul-sucking job and just open a fucking bar make partner. Downside! You'll have to go to Utah, and not for skiing or to buy trucks full of illegal guns.

WELCOME TO TEAM EXAGGERATED SECONDARY SEXUAL CHARACTERISTICS. Mere proximity to Charlie Strong will no doubt force Tyler Gabbert, incoming transfer to Louisville from Mizzou, to go through the important secondary puberty all players experience when exposed to his powerful mutagen of a musk. Do not attempt to wax the double-ply chest pelt you will grow, and remember that taping your ever-growing penis to your leg should be done gently. GENTLY, WE TELL YOU.

SHOWER SANDALS, YOU SAY? Sounds like a deal to us!

MICHIGAN STATE'S GOT AN UNDERRATED BALLSINESS TO THEM. One receiver on a 4th and 1 play-action? You do like playing blackjack nude on the wing of an SR-71, don't you Mr. Treadwell?

DO NOT CLICK THIS. Seriously, don't, it's Joe Paterno using the internet the way you do, and it's NSFW.

GORILLA SHIRT? YES GORILLA SHIRT.

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