THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/28/2011

THE MOST COMPLIANT MAN IN THE WORLD DOESN'T SOUND VERY COMPLIANT. In the true spirit of bureaucratic newspeak, it's all too apparent that the "Most compliant man in the world" is anything but. BUT WHAT IF I'M BETTING ON MY TEAM, MR. (Non)COMPLIANCE?

We appreciate the LSU media department going overboard to flood the Youtubes with Les Miles bowing up on his own daughter and giving us a "Most Interesting Man in The World" parody with full buy-in from its cast members, but the school that really should have gotten into this game earlier is Ole Miss. "I don't often drink beer, but when I do I ruin a quality transfer rule for everyone. Stay GIGGITY, my friends."

BECAUSE THEY STILL ALLOW THAT TRANSFER RULE IN THE NOBLE BIG TEN. The folks at Bucky's 5th Quarter seem pretty chuffed at Wilson's transfer. (Though they want to know where the code name "Cheese Toast" comes from, and Commander War Dog Eagle is all too happy to debrief them on the matter. #Phrasing) Wilson's transfer, we remind you, only opens up the quarterback race at Wisconsin to yet another candidate, and is by no means a guarantee you won't get another lead-footed play-action monster as your starter. (We kid. He's going to start.) 

MAYBE HE WANTS A COACH WHO DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A VULGAR BOATMAN. The best summary of Dennis Erickson ever came via The U when one Miami player called Jimmy Johnson the teacher, and then referred to his successor Dennis Erickson as "the substitute teacher." A kinder way of referring to the veteran coach would be to say he is a "journeyman," which is just bullshit code for "will win for two years with someone else's players before nose-ending the program into the nearest cornfield, losing control of players, recruiting with decreasing zeal, and effectively handing out checks to old buddies before packing up and moving on to the next destination." Shocking, then, that someone else would notice.

MORE ON THIS IN A BIT BUT.  We told you Larry Scott was from the future, or the West Coast, or both.

BE NOT SURPRISED. UGA, Alabama, and Vanderbilt (and Auburn) sit pretty high on the Brooks Brothers douchebag-o-meter in terms of BB goods purchased. Remember that only Joe Paterno can wear whale pants with irony, and not you white boy, because on you it's just living up to a stereotype. (Now a black dude in Brooks Brothers is just intentionally messing with your head, and an Inuit tribe member in seersucker is a hallucination indicating you have ergot poisoning.)

RUTGERS IS POSTING A LOSS AND PROBABLY JUST WRITING IT OFF UNDER THE GUISE OF SOME CONSTRUCTION COMPANY OR SOMETHING. Rutgers athletic department siphons off the largest financial chunk of any D-1 athletic department, but you know there's really not a price tag for "protection," is there?

CHANNING CROWDER LIVES BY HIS OWN RULES AND THEY ARE WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF A BROKEN MOTORCYCLE HELMET. Channing Crowder's accomplished so much in this life: tackling wild hogs for fun, coming as close as one human being could to being a life-sized Tasmanian Devil during his undergrad escapades in Gainesville, taking off his helmet during the great 2003 FSU/UF brawl and daring someone to come near him (no one did,) rolling a car off a Miami offramp and simply walking away from it and not showing up for a few hours...it's an impressive resume, sure, but let's just add "infuriates Ohio State fans" to it and put another notch on that life-sum bedpost, shall we?

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