CRAIG JAMES FOR SENATIVE
by Spencer Hall on Jun 24, 2011 1:37 PM EDT
Email
PrintAll hate is unilateral and strictly bipartisan, because if our country can unite under one banner, it's in despising Craig James.
Hi Americas. I'm Craig James. You may know me from my works on ESPN, where I still work while not running for Senative. While not offiscally running for the senatives yet, I do still do works for ESPN, and this is not a constrict of interests. I believe in economic freedom and dogs and the touchdowns. Woo. Woo.
I'm a businessmant. A football playert. A God-fearing mant. A family mant who came from family, unlike my urponnent in the futures where I may or may not have urponnent.. He has no family. He has not mother. He may have just appeared here like a package delivered from wherever. You can't trust that.
I'm on also television which you can trust because that doesn't happen for bad people. The TV police don't allow that.
I believe we are defined by our value---
[A HORSE IS THROWN THROUGH THE WALL.]
What kinda bullshit ad is this, Craig James? You call yourself a politician? THERE'S NOT EVEN A DAMN GUN ANYWHERE IN THE AD? You afraid of America's original remote control?
/shoots tv on
/blows wart off foot with rifle
/blows top off motor oil can
/drinks motor oil
/belches flame and a tiny matchbox car
I think you are. It's like you don't give a rip about illegal immigration, either. You see that horse? No papers, horse? What's that you say, horse? Or shall I say, COMO SE DICE BUSTED, PEDRO CABALLO?
/shoots horse
Betty Lou! Steaks au cheval tonight! Lean protein straight off the hoof. That horse was my second cousin, but I believe in family farming, Craig James. You got a picture of yourself on a horse, but until you've eaten and killed what's yours by blood, voters won't take you seriously. Also, I do support the eating of illegal immigrants. They feed off us, well, we do the same to them.
Craig James: I don't wanna eat the peoples I just wanna Senatize.
Dale Peterson: Oh, and you're showin' people football footage. I see that Super Bowl footage in there. Most a these people don't remember the stumpbreaking you took in that Super Bowl. One yard on five carries? If you pass legislation and shit at that same rate, we'll have one turd come out of each end every six years. Your son had better receiving numbers than that at Texas Tech, and he catches balls like a fat gay virgin at a Miami circuit party: rarely, and not without making way too much noise before, during, and after.
Craig James: Hey you leave my son outta affairs he is a child who is twernty five and can't defend hisself--
Dale Peterson: What have you been, Craig James? You know what I've been, Craig James? I've been a real rancher, a politician, a banker*, a saleman, an amateur solo undertaker, a Mormon, a Jew, a pilot of vintage balloons, a marksman, a recovering manslaughter victim, a Marine, a father, a mother, an adult contemporary sensation, ameat-cutter--
Craig James: What kind of meats I only know the beefs.
Dale Peterson: All of it! Bear, human, dog. giant cicada, I cut it all because it was my job, and I loved it every second of it. THEN THE GOVERNMENT CAME AND TOLD ME I COULDN'T CUT HUMAN MEAT ANYMORE. I'm not hunting it, I'm just doin' my job! AHHHHHH
/shoots the governent
Craig James: Hoverment intermission I'm against.
Dale Peterson: OH YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE YOU WOO-HOOIN' PANSY. It's my second amendment right to swang this thing around. I'm talking about my gun, in case you wondered, but they couldn't keep this from dragging down the side of my Wranglers, either. Eyes up here, pretty boy! Stare but beware, because once it's outta the snare it don't care where, sugar bear, if you know what I mean. FREEDOM!
/adjusts Wranglers
/bendy tympani noise
Craig James: I'm running for Senative. Just wanna bring peoples together and make the speech.
Dale Peterson: Hell, you're just a talkin' Speak and Spell aren't you. I can put anything on this card and you'll read it, won't you?
Craig James: I stickt to talking punts.
Dale Peterson: Shit, you're ten times stupider than I thought.
Craig James: I'm Craig James, and I'm running for Senative.
Dale Peterson: I forgot. This ain't a real job like Ag Commissioner of Alabama. You want to be a Senator. You'll do just fine, won't you?
Craig James:
/smiles
/rides horse
/is elected twice
/at least we won't have to listen to him anymore on football
*Monopoly counts. [Cocks gun] DUDN'T IT?
379 comments
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Comments
I'm just voting for the gun.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
The gun is good.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
by purwho on Jun 24, 2011 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions 6 recs
The penis is evil.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Actual Zardoz quote.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Next week's Digi-Viking Patron Saint candidate?
Or he could also run against Craig James in the primary, I suppose…
The O is the new U
by jcolomy on Jun 24, 2011 7:05 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
.wut.
/bert.gif
Dad, I tied with Bart Simpson and "school sucks."
by Illusions, Michael. on Jun 24, 2011 2:23 PM EDT up reply actions
If he shot that dog in Reno just to watch him die I might be willing to support him, this not so much.
Who the hell jogs with a gun?
Killed by a coyote?
Unless you’re a small child, you probably don’t have much to worry about.
Kill, Bubba, Kill!
People!
He was jogging with a gun! Who does that? Did he not learn from Plexico that athletic waistbands cannot be trusted as a holster? We Texans are unreasonably proud of ourselves but the combo of Perry and James on the national stage is enough even the most native of us blush with embarassment
I do remember a story about a jogger in California killed by one, so I guess that could be legit.
Probably though, I just think Mr. Perry has a small dick.
Kill, Bubba, Kill!
by Spartan D on Jun 24, 2011 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
It's true, your honor.
This man has no dick.
by lhb98 on Jun 24, 2011 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
I've heard that coyote is learning to pack hunt from feral dogs....
We may not sufficiently scare them any more.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:32 PM EDT up reply actions
Without getting too spidery,
don’t a lot of Texans despise Craig James for his witch hunt against the Dread Pirate Leach?
We mainly just despise him for being Craig James.
by Dr. Norris Camacho on Jun 24, 2011 1:55 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Pretty much
Not enough people care about Texas Tech to care about what happened to the DPL.
My years in marching band have made me an authority on football.
Oh, and I have a Twitter.
by MagnaCarterGT on Jun 24, 2011 2:02 PM EDT up reply actions
Yes.
He will absolutely lose based on that alone. Everyone west of I-35 hates him and loved Leach.
by OJsApprentice on Jun 24, 2011 2:17 PM EDT up reply actions
Everyone west of I-35
So…both of them?
by PalmettoTiger on Jun 24, 2011 2:50 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
WesTex?
Haven’t seen that commentor around in a couple of weeks though.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 2:58 PM EDT up reply actions
I'm here
and I hate him. West of I-35 hates him for Leach and a strong contingent of Dallas hates him for SMU. The rest of the state hates for ruining perfectly good football on Thursday night.
by Wes Tex on Jun 24, 2011 3:48 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I almost called you a "him"...
Then I thought I remembered a comment about you being one of the ladies on here, so I went gender-neutral.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:50 PM EDT up reply actions
fair enough
At times I have shared some not-too-ladylike opinions (especially during the Leach firing) so I can understand the confusion. I imagine the Tuberville era may elicit some off-color remarks as well if “Baby I’m Burning” is any indication of what my future may hold.
PREPARE TO EMBRACE THE SHITTINESS
Tubs and Crxxm meeting was the perfect storm of completely inept offenses.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Perhaps Turner Gill
can raise the stakes with Tubs? Baby I’m Burning Part II? That sort of offensive display might really result in the burning of Lubbock
I'm one, technically.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Yeah, I'm about 3 miles west of 35.
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 3:58 PM EDT up reply actions
I"m about 7. driving.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
We may be divided by the I-35 corridor
but we are not divided on our James-hate. Get yur fingagunz ready for ballot casting against Craig James.
by touchdown H-town on Jun 24, 2011 4:19 PM EDT up reply actions
Hi.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
AH TELL YEW WHAT.
CRERG JAMES IS A REAL POLITIKIN GUY. YEW KNOW HE’S GONNA RUN A TOUGH CAMP-RAIN FOR STENTATE. AND YEW KNOW WHAT?
[Pregnant pause.]
I WOULD VERT FER HIM BECAUSE HE’S A BIG NASHNUL DE-FENCE GUY.
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 1:57 PM EDT reply actions 5 recs
Please sweet baby jesus god FSM in heaven do not let this come to pass.
Although I think campaign finance rules would force ESPN to take him off the air, so maybe this is okay.
by Erik T on Jun 24, 2011 1:57 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Texas has a tendency to elect stupid people to powerful positions
See: our U.S. senators, our governor, our board of education.
So, Craig James? In MY senate? (It’s more likely than you think.)
My years in marching band have made me an authority on football.
Oh, and I have a Twitter.
by MagnaCarterGT on Jun 24, 2011 2:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Texas is not unique in this respect
/when did the spider closet get a wet bar?
Careful, please.
________________________________
"Laugh about things, and stop wishing you won state when you were 30 years younger." -- B. Brian, Purple Y Ranch, October 2009
by Holly Anderson on Jun 24, 2011 2:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Fresh spiders!
Getcher fresh spiders, right here. Extra bitey!
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Jun 24, 2011 2:31 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
/posts entire contents of ndnation political board
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 2:31 PM EDT up reply actions
In the original German?
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Jun 24, 2011 2:41 PM EDT up reply actions 11 recs
That
is a very spidery rec for you, sir.
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 2:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Mike Godwin himself.
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Jun 24, 2011 2:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Thank you, thank you.
I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Jun 24, 2011 2:44 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Nobody in the closet yet!
This niiice, roomy closet. But kindly tread lightly, lovelies.
________________________________
"Laugh about things, and stop wishing you won state when you were 30 years younger." -- B. Brian, Purple Y Ranch, October 2009
by Holly Anderson on Jun 24, 2011 2:32 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Existential question.
At what point in the evaluation does the closet cease being a closet, and just become another room?
My inner feng shui master wants to know.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Sorites in reverse
Dad, I tied with Bart Simpson and "school sucks."
by Illusions, Michael. on Jun 24, 2011 2:58 PM EDT up reply actions
The spider closet is designed with NEGATIVE feng shui
because — well, we wouldn’t want anyone to be comfortable in there, would we?
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 3:13 PM EDT up reply actions
Not even the spiders.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
I want the spiders to be comfortable....
It makes them less bitey.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:23 PM EDT up reply actions
But that would defeat the purpose of the closet.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
Funny,
that’s exactly what Mike Leach right before Adam James decided he had to push it just a little bit further.
by Nick's Hat Band on Jun 24, 2011 2:38 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Full of spiders and still roomy?
So, is it a walk-in closet, or….
/stops to ponder size of spider closet
/realizes he’s thinking about a closet full of SPIDERS
/fetal position
My years in marching band have made me an authority on football.
Oh, and I have a Twitter.
by MagnaCarterGT on Jun 24, 2011 2:51 PM EDT up reply actions
Now you're gettin it.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:06 PM EDT up reply actions
Hell, every state in the union has a politician, or politicians, that brings them shame.
Not intelligent enough to teach someone, build/design something beneficial, be an effective researcher, entertain and/or be creative, afraid of math, or effectively manage a project and/or people?
You too can go into politics.
Just make sure that you attack the person and not the issue.
by Anonymous IV at Mono Lake on Jun 24, 2011 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
Just. . . Wow
“he catches balls like a fat gay virgin at a Miami circuit party: rarely, and not without making way too much noise before, during, and after.”
MAUAJI VOTED FOR OTHER GUY
OTHER GUY MADE BETTER KEBABY
by The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You on Jun 24, 2011 2:00 PM EDT reply actions 8 recs
Steve & Maua-ji auto-rec.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Can't we just get MAUAJI to eat Craig James???
and all our problems will be solved.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 2:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Even Maua-ji have standards.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Well, I understand you not wanting to devour Craig James, but.....
I thought MAUA-JI was trying hard to work into a mascot position here in the USofA.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 2:46 PM EDT up reply actions
MAYBE MAUAJI NEED START POLITICAL CAREER.
FATHER OF MAUAJI HAVE CONNECTION WITH MR. AHEMBE.
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 2:47 PM EDT up reply actions
IN MY CAMP-RAIN I AM GOING TO UPHOLD MY PARMISE TO TOLL THE ROPE FOR THA PEOPLES OF TEXIS
by Dr. Norris Camacho on Jun 24, 2011 2:02 PM EDT reply actions
WHY IS HE CONSORTING WITH FOREIGNERS?
Because college football is too important to be left to the professionals.
by Spencer Hall on Jun 24, 2011 2:04 PM EDT up reply actions
He was part of the downfall of two Texas college football programs
Making him an even better candidate than Bush, who only damaged one Texas baseball team.
I think bankrupting an oil company is even more impressive than
destroying two college football programs.
/areyouawizard.jpg
by BamaThrasher on Jun 24, 2011 2:10 PM EDT up reply actions
campaign motto
"set the game ablaze, i'm an arcade fire."
by whiskey_soup on Jun 24, 2011 2:16 PM EDT reply actions 20 recs
Craig James
screwing Texas<screwing up my saturdays. for the love of god man run! run!
FSU Football, making bad teams look bad since 2010.
Can't watch the video from work
but that first paragraph had me in stitches. so goddamn funny.
Dad, I tied with Bart Simpson and "school sucks."
by Illusions, Michael. on Jun 24, 2011 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
brb moving to Texas to vote for Craig James.
…
To get him off TV, y’all. C’mon.
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by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
That's probably the first time I've ever seen someone from Sakerlina called a yankee carpetbagger
This makes me giggle
I think everybody not from Texas is a yankee carpetbagger to Texans.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 2:39 PM EDT up reply actions
Generally, yes.
When you threaten to try to get Craig James into elected office?
Hell yes.
By the definition offered by most Texans
anyone outside of Texas and most of Louisiana is a Damyankee.
My new blog: Those Other Guys. Critiques welcome.
And a lot of people in Texas are just "Damn Yankee Transplants"
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 3:51 PM EDT up reply actions
/calls all the dead relatives
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 2:41 PM EDT up reply actions
I didn't know that Nolan Ryan was running against James?
I’ll wait for the bare chest debate before I decide.
Google's homepage celebrates too much shit.
Nolie...
…headlock…
…gameover…
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am. I feel like Wiley E. Bulldog-y.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jun 24, 2011 4:39 PM EDT up reply actions
Nolan is running against Crehg?
foregone conclusion
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by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 4:40 PM EDT up reply actions
You shall not cruthify mankind
Upon a croth of gold!
GET YOUR ASS TO MARS
by Run Home Jack on Jun 24, 2011 2:25 PM EDT reply actions 10 recs
Oh, bravo.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Exthelthior, thir.
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife!
/calipso’d
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 3:15 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Suffthherrin Succotathh
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 24, 2011 3:41 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Cannot wait
for Lou to have to talk about MACtion in a couple of years.
“Mark, you gotta rethpect what Mathathchuthetth hath done moving up to Eff Bee Eth footbaw.”
My new blog: Those Other Guys. Critiques welcome.
The dude with the rifle
needs to get his damn finger off the damn trigger.
/pet peeve
I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
by DrBundy on Jun 24, 2011 2:26 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Things have come to a pretty pass...
…when a Bama boy living in California and married to a Berkeley grad has a better handle on firearms management than a guy running for ag commish in Alab— Y HALLO THAR U MUS BE CHARLOTTE THA SPIDER, CAN HAZ “FUCK CLEMSON” WEB?
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on Jun 24, 2011 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions 6 recs
You sassin' Dale Peterson, boy?
Know who the last man was to sass Dale Peterson? Janet Hoskins, formerly Bill Parlanti of Leakesville, MS.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 3:35 PM EDT up reply actions
I cant even begin to count the fail in that Craig James video
but I think the best is “he was hired by CBS to begin his career as a commentator” while his ABC clips play.
"...I wonder if he'll notice my new tie today...."
by Dr. Norris Camacho on Jun 24, 2011 2:29 PM EDT reply actions
Out of frame to the right
a crane lowers Desmond Howard’s new tie for the day.
You get that chocolate milk!
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jun 24, 2011 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions 5 recs
That tie's as big as Bob Davie's forehead!
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
That's it. My funny bone has been shattered.
Have to leave work now.
by CVictoryJoyously on Jun 24, 2011 2:29 PM EDT reply actions
My favorite Karl Malone quote of all time...
(Discussing his farm): “My cows? Yeah, I consider them my pets. But I will eat them.”
/drafts Senate resolution 51432B
“Fuck Craig James” + threeve words of saying the same thing in different ways
you fucked Craig James on the platform?
It's not what you've done but what you are doing that matters.
Maybe next year the Ice Surface at Jobing.com should be frozen with the tears of Winnipeg. - TimmyHate of FiveForHowling to a troll after it was alleged Coyote fans do not know how to ice skate.
by AlabamaJammer on Jun 26, 2011 9:36 AM EDT up reply actions
Banking on name recognition due to the overwhelming number of people who routinely yell "Fuck Craig James!" at their TVs?
A bold strategy, sir.
Much easier to ignore the questionable quality of things that are covered in cheese.
by allicolls on Jun 24, 2011 2:35 PM EDT reply actions 5 recs
CraigJamesTilICantTakeItAnymore:
u wan play spies
(With apologies to The Dugout.)
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 2:45 PM EDT reply actions
CRAIG JAMES FOR PERSIDENT!
HE DON’T NEED NO FANCY LIMO, HE KNOWS WHERE TO GET A SWEET RIDE THAT WON’T COST THE TAXPAYERS NOTHIN!
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
PLUS
He can put Sherwood Blunt secretary of the treasury and WOOO $500 handshakes for everybody!
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
by Billy Gomila on Jun 24, 2011 3:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Meanwhile, in Mississippi...
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 24, 2011 3:08 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
follow that guy.
wherever he stops somthing fun will happen.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 3:09 PM EDT up reply actions 4 recs
that ain't mississipi
that’s Eugene, and he’s taking expired groceries to the footbaw staff.
Apropos of nothing at all, but hysterical
Posted over at The Smoking Musket (SB*Nation’s Wf’nVU blog)
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:12 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
thatsthejoke.jpg
But personally, I don’t think they were selling all that well when they weren’t “historical”
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:41 PM EDT up reply actions
No, I got that part of the joke.
I just was impressed that someone enterprised up the idea of making the t-shirts “historical” and still tried to turn a buck off of them. CAPITALISM, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
Don't they destroy all of the incorrect merch so that it doesn't get on e-bay etc?
by touchdown H-town on Jun 24, 2011 4:46 PM EDT up reply actions
They send it to 4th world countries
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 4:47 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I thought it was sent as "humanitarian donations" to underprivileged countries.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
Never sleep on a hillbilly....
We’re always hustling.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:45 PM EDT up reply actions
heck, they're 4 bucks.
i’d buy one just because.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 3:47 PM EDT up reply actions
"burnin' couch"
I’m sure they are higher than $4 given the local demand.
by Black Prairie Bullpuppies on Jun 24, 2011 4:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh noes!
Columbo is dead.
RIP Peter Falk
Perhaps my favorite of his roles:
PUSH THE BUTTON, MAX!
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 3:21 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Farewell, Peter, and thanks for the all the stories....
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:26 PM EDT up reply actions 27 recs
Criminally under-rec'd.
Get at it, folks.
by This Original Guy on Jun 24, 2011 3:35 PM EDT up reply actions
Harumph!
You watch your ass.
It's not what you've done but what you are doing that matters.
Maybe next year the Ice Surface at Jobing.com should be frozen with the tears of Winnipeg. - TimmyHate of FiveForHowling to a troll after it was alleged Coyote fans do not know how to ice skate.
by AlabamaJammer on Jun 26, 2011 9:40 AM EDT up reply actions
Just seen on Facebook:
“Oh, and who could forget his performance reading the book to Fred Savage in Never Ending Story?”
sigh…
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
HISS!
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:54 PM EDT up reply actions
I hope foul play wasn't involved, for I believe the case will never be solved.
RIP, sir.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Well god knows Mrs. Columbo isn't going to solve it.
Hell, that bitch couldn’t even find her way home with a spaceship.
My new blog: Those Other Guys. Critiques welcome.
"The Great Race"
is one of my all-time favorites. Natalie Wood emerging from the lake (http://tinyurl.com/3vg2pkw)? Yes, please, and I’ll be in my bunk.
"In general, I’m in favor of as much punctuation as possible, because it helps you spot the idiots. No offense intended, of course."
- ACS, 25-Mar-2011
by CleverScreenName on Jun 28, 2011 10:17 AM EDT up reply actions
I'll say this
If there isn’t a live chat with drinking games for any televised debate involving Craig James, I will be very, very disappointed.
I'll give some suggested recipies
from the Fat Little Girlfriends cookbook to go along with the evening.
.....
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 3:26 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
FTFY
American Cities EDSBS Commentariat
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
BUTTER BUTTER BUTTER
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 24, 2011 4:13 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
The gintifada has begun for the weekend.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
by purwho on Jun 24, 2011 3:26 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
House to myself this weekend.
Hello, liquor cabinet. Nice to meet you.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
Yesterday I picked up the missing ingredients for Sazeracs
Bulleitt Rye and Peychaud’s Bitters
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:28 PM EDT up reply actions
Had a few while in NO
i was disappoint.
...and the drunks all think I made it, and the girls all twist and shake it like they do; all my playground fears have faded, replaced with grown up nightmares that have come true...
by Boozy McHound on Jun 24, 2011 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions
It's easy to screw up
Too many places see “rinse glass with Pernod” and think HUGE WATERGLASS OF ABSINTHE OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. If you can’t taste all three ingredients, they botched it.
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
I'm not yet proficient at mixing Le Sazerac....
but I’m getting pretty decent at it.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:12 PM EDT up reply actions
Pernod? Goes great with seafood.
(This has been a test of the EDSBS Commentariat Obscure Reference System.)
by lhb98 on Jun 24, 2011 4:13 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
While I approve of this, I'm presented with a conundrum...
I have three choices, dear commentariat.
Your assistance, I beg of you.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 3:43 PM EDT up reply actions
I may need to borrow some of my Father's Day/birthday gift to my dad.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
Elijah Craig 18 yr old
is even better . . . . .jus’ sayin’.
I killed a six-pack just to watch it die.
by General Disarray on Jun 24, 2011 9:10 PM EDT up reply actions
not the middle one!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 3:46 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
THIS
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:47 PM EDT up reply actions
YESS
ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE COMMENGINTARIAT?
Most folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again, some folk'll.
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Jun 24, 2011 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Yessir.
Refreshing. It goes with so many things. Raspberry Simply Lemonade with Bombay and lime juice is what I’m sipping on right now.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
Noted. Will try this when I get the chance.
My Bombay is approaching empty. Meijer also offers Tanqueray for two dollars less than a fifth of Bombay. Any preferences between the two?
Most folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again, some folk'll.
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Jun 24, 2011 3:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Not really.
Then again, I’m still young so I’m not a picky drinker.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
Tanq for my $, all else equal
so cheaper Tanq is better Tanq
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Jun 24, 2011 4:16 PM EDT up reply actions
I also picked up a bottle of Hendrick's yesterday....
When I grow tired of mixing the the absinthe with the rye, I can mix it with the gin.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:53 PM EDT up reply actions
We would also accept Hendrick's.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
Which is generally not less expensive than Boodles, Bombay, or Tanqueray
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:58 PM EDT up reply actions
True.
Now, I want gin.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
WV does gin
If any of you live where you can get this, I very highly recommend Smooth Ambler’s Greenbrier Gin.
all for you.
no drinking this weekend.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions
wat
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 3:53 PM EDT up reply actions
i haz sad.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:56 PM EDT up reply actions
No gin tonight, son.
Aw, Pop, just a little.
No, son, not one drop.
I’ll grovel, as I do.
by dirt sandwich on Jun 26, 2011 1:34 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
You will always get a rec from me
for an “It’s A Wonderful Life” reference.
"In general, I’m in favor of as much punctuation as possible, because it helps you spot the idiots. No offense intended, of course."
- ACS, 25-Mar-2011
by CleverScreenName on Jun 28, 2011 10:22 AM EDT up reply actions
I don't understand this antipathy for Sapphire
Unless y’all’re just planning on stealing it for yourself.
/shiftyeyes.gif
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions
it's gin. gin is not allowed.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:50 PM EDT up reply actions
These words, they are english, and they appear to be arranged in a grammatically sound fashion.
And yet, they make no sense.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 3:51 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I am confused by this, too.
Unless she has a thing for gin like I have a thing for vodka.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
It might be quite similar to my thing for tequila.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:56 PM EDT up reply actions
Tequila?
There’s something else that will go good with my lemonade. Lord knows my parents won’t drink it anytime soon.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
friend in college drank tequila and diet dr pepper
on more than one occasion. he did not think this was strange.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
This friend of yours
Where the fuck was he from?
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions
Itawamba Mississippi
he was always trying to get folks to try it. “Come on! It ain’t that bad.”
yuck.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 4:03 PM EDT up reply actions
Itawamba Mississippi...
I think he was drafted late yesterday by the Lakers.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
That was former Uconn player Ater Majok
/still puzzled…
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:05 PM EDT up reply actions
My freshman year roommate did
Sunny D + Ezra Brooks……
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions
You can have mine. Oh wait, I don't have any of that either.
I do have 3 different kinds of rum, 2 vodkas and beer in my house right now.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
Buddy! Pal!
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions
OH I forgot the whiskey!
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Lover?
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:02 PM EDT up reply actions
makin me blush now!
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:02 PM EDT up reply actions
My two favorite liquors:
Tequila and Gin
/shiftyeyes
Most folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again, some folk'll.
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Jun 24, 2011 4:16 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
No gin and no tequila?
Madam, I’m afraid we can not be friends, even in the fake internet sense of things.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
I think of you guys as real friends...
/sighs
//heads off to intermurals
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
I am no longer afraid to smell tequila.
But yes, in the recent past just smelling it would induce the gag reflex.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Had that happen to me once. It lasted about two years.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions
I drank tequila in april.
I got 2nd degree burns because i was sitting out side drinking tequila.
She is a naughty horrible mistress. I choose not to play with her so that I may survive another day.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Everyone has horror stories about tequila.
I do not. And I don’t shy away from tequila. Strange.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
Is this some Purdue isn't there joke?
Cause I thought we dropped those.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
Possibly.
The worst thing that happened was part of a hilarious evening because it was my brother’s bachelor party, and it involved body shots at Coyote Ugly in Nashville. I guess I didn’t think it was bad because I wasn’t the most hungover one, and because I got body shots.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
I drank a fifth of shitty tequila in about 2 hours.
I drank half a fifth of shitty tequila with a friend in about 4 hours
I drink part of a fifth with 3 friends in about 2 hours
I mixed tequila shots, peppermint schnapps shots, hot damn shots, and other things over the course of an evening.
Drill was always finished. I will not seek out tequila.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:11 PM EDT up reply actions
You and me are friends because of this!
Most folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again, some folk'll.
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Jun 24, 2011 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions
Famous picture of me on internet
Where I am sitting in a chair with a tub of cheese balls in my lap, my hand is reaching into the tub, I am passed out drunk.
Thank you, Tequila.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
?
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:07 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
This happened to me for about five years
Luckily, it passed, and now I’m all like YAY TEQUILA
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions
i am a gin prohibitionist
i won’t ever drink it again, but you’re welcome to all that you want!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 3:51 PM EDT up reply actions
I was a gin guy in my pre-Mormon days
I liked the taste, but it was too strong a flavor to drink fast enough to get too far gone.
by This Original Guy on Jun 24, 2011 3:53 PM EDT up reply actions
^^^^ Best input so far!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 3:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Best joke on Alf, ever.
Time to date some of the commentariot…
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
Alien Life Form
too easy
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:56 PM EDT up reply actions
I was talking about the specific joke, actually.
Willy had a friend from college over, and she had a drinking problem.
He, of course, sought out Alf’s counsel.
Willy told Alf that they called his friend “Boilermaker” in college.
Alf responded with “She played ball for Purdue?”
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
My older brother had an ALF. It talked.
I know ALF ate cats.
2004 BCS National Champion Purdue Boilermakers
Alf was always after the Tanner's cat "Lucky".
His favorite meal was a BLT – Bacon, Lucky, and Tomato.
/Fuck, I’m old.
Some people have a pet peeve. I have a peeve menagerie.
by DrBundy on Jun 24, 2011 6:03 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Just kidding! HA!!
/puts on sunglasses
//imitates Risky Business dance scene
Replace Bombay with
and you have a winner.
It was too much money
I keep hearing this
I’ll have to change up next time I purchase.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 4:22 PM EDT up reply actions
and fresh cucumber slices
peeled.
Trust me on this, I’m a drunkard.
by Grib on Jun 24, 2011 4:23 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Absolutely!
Hendricks and cucumber is delicious.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
My interest, you haz it.
Restocking this afternoon, must try to avoid inevitable Otter/Mrs. Dean Wormer internal dialogue when buying cucumbers.
/eternally13
It was too much money
by The_Tusk on Jun 24, 2011 4:42 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I'm taking notes.
Forgive my ignorance, does the addition of cucumber eliminate the need for lime?
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 4:42 PM EDT up reply actions
I will always trust a drunkard when it comes to drinking.
Alcoholics are not to be trusted. They will drink anything from shoe polish, mouthwash, etc.
by Anonymous IV at Mono Lake on Jun 24, 2011 6:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Scene from "Casablanca"
Evil Nazi Major Strasser to Rick: “What nationality are you?”
Rick (Humphrey Bogart): “I’m a drunkard.”
Charmingly corrupt French Chief of Police: “That makes Rick a citizen of the world!”
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 7:02 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Casablanca autorec-unrec-rerec-unrec-rerec-create-new-account-to-rec-again.
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
More juniper flavor (w/o overpowering) if that's what you're into.
Try it at a bar before buying the bottle if you’re not sure.
It was too much money
If you can find a way to combine all three
then you are better man than I Gunga Din
#drinks third High Life at 4:45p on a Friday
Tonight, tonight the strip's just right,
I wanna blow 'em all out of their seats.
We're callin' out around the world, we're going racin' in the street.
-the Boss
by diego tutweiler on Jun 24, 2011 4:44 PM EDT up reply actions
A Vision Unveiled
Americans for a Better Texas is about disconnecting people with the values, ideas, and founding principles of Craig James. We hope you’ll join in this essential conversation to engage, learn and share the values that guide and ideas that transform.
by This Original Guy on Jun 24, 2011 3:31 PM EDT reply actions
I am a registered voter in the State of Texas
For those of you who wish to NOT see Craig James on football Saturdays, my vote is very much for sale. You may bid independently, or pool your funds if you wish.
Shall we open at $50?
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 3:31 PM EDT reply actions
This. Me too.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 3:34 PM EDT up reply actions
Shit, we lose votes we're paid to count.
by This Original Guy on Jun 24, 2011 3:36 PM EDT up reply actions
Yeah, Chad's my wife's godson and he just had a baby and all.
For all of you literalists, Chad didn’t have a baby, his wife did.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 3:44 PM EDT up reply actions
QUIET OR YOU'LL RUIN THE GRAVY TRAIN FOR EVERYONE
Ahem.
Allow me to re-phrase non-Texas commentariat:
If you do not shower me with teh pay palz and EDSBS merch, I GUARNDAMNTEE YOU that I shall vote for Craig James’ opponent. I shall volunteer for the opponent’s campaign. I shall form a Not-James PAC.
The choice is yours. Pay me, or continue to deal with James during your footbaws.
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 3:57 PM EDT up reply actions
I feel like there's a misplaced "not" in this post. It would seem that paying you moneez results in Sen. James.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 3:58 PM EDT up reply actions
if he's "ruling"
he can’t screw up thursday night football
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions
Whoops, you are correct
THREAT AMENDED TO INCORPORATE GRAMMATICAL CORRCTION NOTED ABOVE
PAY ME NOW OR SUFFER, MORE
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:03 PM EDT up reply actions
Addendum Amended
for spelling mistake.
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:03 PM EDT up reply actions
Do you accept drachmas?
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 24, 2011 4:06 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I prefer
[picks random other currency]
Zloty.
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:10 PM EDT up reply actions
How about
the Bitcoinz????
I killed a six-pack just to watch it die.
by General Disarray on Jun 24, 2011 9:12 PM EDT up reply actions
It depends
Is Craig James running against dignity and/or decency.
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
I'm sure you get tired of people telling you this, Fearless Leader
But, oh, that is such brilliance you leak out of your fingertips.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
OT: Grant Wahl on the Twitterz: "Never figured out why so many people don't tip the person who cleans their hotel room."
Tipping hotel maids, yay or nay?
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
Tipping $10? Acceptable.
Tipping $100? Awkward invitation.
by lhb98 on Jun 24, 2011 4:09 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
/walks out of shower naked
//gets raped by hotel maid
///burbz sits in the shower, crying
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Jun 24, 2011 4:23 PM EDT up reply actions 7 recs
I asked the Concierge for a woman....
and thought the maid’s outfit was her little kinkiness.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:25 PM EDT up reply actions
multi-night stays, YAY
Particularly if it’s a drinking adventure.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 4:09 PM EDT up reply actions
The oft-mentioned trip to Dogfish Head and brewpub
We left the hotel smelling like ass, puke, shit…or a mixture of all three.
We each tipped $20 to the staff left to clean THAT up.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
If I'm only there for a night or two, no.
However, I used to stay in hotels for weeks at a time whilee working, so YES. It greatly enhances your comfort to tip the maids.
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:10 PM EDT up reply actions
This.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:12 PM EDT up reply actions
I forgot to mention that the new avatar is very nice....
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh thank you.
Thanks to tGoJH as well, again.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:20 PM EDT up reply actions
The notion has never occurred to me.
The only times I tip in a hotel is if I call down for something & tip the person who brings whatever it is up to my room. Or when I’d forget weed in my room in my young & foolish days.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions
After living so long in places that don't tip as a cultural rule
I have no idea when and what I’m supposed to tip. Please just charge me more, and pay your workers a decent wage. Don’t make me a. do math and b. make judgmental evaluations of your service that aren’t really judgments of you, that are really judgments of me. No one looks at a small tip and thinks “oh, I screwed up, I should do better in my work”—they look at it as “dang, that guy’s a cheapskate”. If it were simply at restaurants, I could probably handle it, but it seems like nowadays you have to tip everyone working you run across. I don’t want to have to tip the guy who picks my bags off the baggage carousel (because dude, I got it), the guy who drives the airport shuttle, the guy who pulls my bag out of the back of the shuttle, the separate guy who takes them into the hotel, and the other guy who takes them up to my room. JUST LET ME CARRY THEM SO I DON’T HAVE TO SPEND $40 TO GET MY BAGS IN MY HOTEL ROOM. If you want to have people who do all this, then pay them, and put an extra $40 or whatever on my hotel bill. Or, don’t put the charge on, and let me carry my own damn bags.
/hates tipping
//not about the money at all
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 4:40 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
People pick up bags off of the carousel for you?
Seems more likely I’d just tackle the motherfucker who just tried to steal my bag.
Well, they were wearing uniforms
and pushing carts asking if I they could get my bags.
No, you may not. Because I just flew from Japan, and don’t have bills smaller than $20s, and don’t want to break one, and I’m not tipping you $20 to get my bags and put them on a pushcart. GO THE F*&^&* AWAY.
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 4:48 PM EDT up reply actions
It's basically anyone who provides a service.
Your newspaper kid should get a yearly tip. So should your stylist if you seem them on a regular basis. Feel free to shoo away people when you don’t want the help. Like Mtner said, if you stay at a hotel for an extended time, tipping is smiled upon because well, let’s face it you live there, and have personal maids. You don’t have to tip the grocery bagger or the guy who gets stuff out of your car if you don’t have an ungodly amount shit. Plus, half the time, I"m sure they are bored.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
by Chloe Denmark on Jun 24, 2011 4:52 PM EDT up reply actions
LOL Newspaper? No there. And I do my own haircuts, so good there.
I sort of get the hotel thing, but it’s not something I’d ever heard of until like 2 years ago when my parents were aghast I didn’t leave money for the maid every day at Disney World.
And yes, I do have to tip the grocery bagger, but that’s because the commissaries on base hire people on a tip only basis. If I’m in a real grocery store, I don’t tip because usually I’m getting the one or two things we couldn’t get on base.
This is mostly just a pet peeve of mine, and I should probably stop typing before I get spidery. I’m used to getting excellent service and not having to pay “extra” for it. I understand in my head that the system is different and that service people here get paid less because they get tips, so I’m really just making up their salary shortfall, but it seems to be a very stupid system to me, having seen it work much better the other way.
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 5:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Do your own haircuts?
Flobee?
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 7:07 PM EDT up reply actions
Mach 3
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 7:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Shaving your head
is not “giving yourself a haircut.”
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 7:20 PM EDT up reply actions
It eliminated the need for me to go to a "stylist"
so for purposes of this conversation (ie, having to tip), it has the same effect.
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 7:24 PM EDT up reply actions
Doubly Rec-Worthy
for cutting your own hair (I give a pretty good high and tight if I say so myself) and baggers at the commissary who take your bags all the way to your car. Brings back many fond memories of my Army brat days.
"In general, I’m in favor of as much punctuation as possible, because it helps you spot the idiots. No offense intended, of course."
- ACS, 25-Mar-2011
by CleverScreenName on Jun 28, 2011 10:38 AM EDT up reply actions
Pretty much this.
I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT YOUNG (weeps) MAN PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DOING ANY NUMBER OF MENIAL TASKS ON MY OWN, THANK YOU.
/tips $2 out of guilt
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by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 4:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Not necessarily.
For instance, I do not leave less than a standard tip unless something has transpired during the meal which the server should know damn well is going to result in me stiffing them. Servers know the difference between a cheapskate and a pissed-off customer, believe me.
My new blog: Those Other Guys. Critiques welcome.
Did that ONCE
/CSB
The server making lewd comments towards two of my friends seemed a bit out of line at a place where none of us knew this assclown.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 4:55 PM EDT up reply actions
Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.
But whatever. This is one of the reasons it’s best for me to just move back to Japan.
毎日は土曜日であるべき
Notre Dame Fighting Irish by birth and undergraduate degree
U. Hawaii Warrior because the government pays my grad school tuition
by Kelly's Gyros on Jun 24, 2011 5:08 PM EDT up reply actions
I've lived here (meaning the US) my whole life
and I don’t have a clue about that either. Before this I’d never heard of tipping hotel cleaning staff (bellhops/valet service, yes, although I tend to avoid either if possible for the same reason you do). It’s pretty much standard on cruise ships (and you’ve usually got the same crew for the entire trip, which is often not true at hotels), but otherwise the thought hadn’t even occurred to me.
Restaurants, I’m used to it (though I’d rather they just charge the extra 20% and pay the waitstaff more). Anywhere else, it simply doesn’t occur to me – if I’m paying for a service (haircut, newspaper delivery, airport parking with shuttle service, etc.), it seems like a natural assumption to me that the cost of said service includes wages for the server. (Lord knows it’s true at car repair shops – they’re even helpful enough to break out the cost into $Threeve for parts and $Texas for labor.)
It’s not because I wouldn’t pay more for it if need be, but unless they’re providing service above and beyond the standard that’s what their employers are supposed to be paying them for. Jack the bill up a little to cover it if you must. And it’s not because I don’t appreciate what they’re doing; if I didn’t I’d save the money and buy the newspaper (hypothetically; I don’t get newspaper delivery anyway) at the store every day on the way to work instead. It really has nothing to do with the money and everything to do with “why am I supposed to decide directly what your wages are?”.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
Believe me, if the I charged 20% more and the concept of tipping went away, your service would dip considerably
and yes, then I’d have to fire the waitress, but by then you’ve had a terrible time at my restaurant and I’ve lost you as a customer forever. The logic behind having a separate minimum wage for servers, is murky at best, and downright stupid at worst, but because of it I can afford to keep an extra waitress on staff even on slow nights as a “just in case.” Now that it’s so ingrained into the culture, there’s no way to get rid of it. If the waitstaff were paid the same rate as a bartender or a cook, my job would be a lot harder, you’d wait a lot longer for a table, your meal would cost more (because you’re so used to tipping, you would do it out of habit and end up paying the 20% twice), and there would be less incentive for good service.
I felt something impossible for me to explain in words. Then, when they took her away, it hit me. I got scared all over again and began to feel giddy. Then it came to me... I was a father. ~ Nat King Cole
Now that I've thought about it a bit more
it makes a little more sense for stuff that’s more personalized (orders at meals, bringing drinks, etc.), although I suspect servers get the shaft at least occasionally because the cook screwed up, not through their own fault. And yes, it’s probably too much a part of the culture (at restaurants, at least) for it to change even if it were a good idea to change it.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
For hotels, I generally put the "Do not disturb" sign on the door for the entire trip...
I’d rather have the same towel instead of having someone going through my stuff every day. I know they probably don’t, but they might, and I don’t want to deal with that.
So, I leave a tip when I leave, but it keeps me from having to have a couple of bucks every day.
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?" -Pinky
"Cleveland is a giant petri dish of masochistic enabling." -Londonjoe
"Some mathematician has said that pleasure lies not in discovering truth, but in seeking it." -Tolstoy
Not occaisionally
although I suspect servers get the shaft at least occasionally because the cook screwed up, not through their own fault.
All the fucking time. Which is why I make it a point to tell my waitresses and cooks that if a customer complains about anything to do with taste, tell me, and I will personally go speak to them. I absolutely can’t stand the people who eat the whole meal, then complain afterward that it wasn’t good. I’d bar them from entry if I could.
I felt something impossible for me to explain in words. Then, when they took her away, it hit me. I got scared all over again and began to feel giddy. Then it came to me... I was a father. ~ Nat King Cole
I'll leave a couple bucks at the end of my stay if they've done a good job.
i don’t leave $ nightly though.
Kill, Bubba, Kill!
Went back to family-style Southern cooking restaurant
For lunch. Got the chicken fried steak, and it was gravy-covered deliciousness:
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:15 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
????
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
You, sir
are correct!
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:23 PM EDT up reply actions
/heart boner
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:24 PM EDT up reply actions
new term of art.
thanks for learning it to me.
I’ll grovel, as I do.
by dirt sandwich on Jun 26, 2011 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions
That also means there was biscuits too.
LUNCH OF CHAMPIONS
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:26 PM EDT up reply actions
With real butter
and honey
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 24, 2011 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions
AND BYOB
….at least it is in Roanoke.
"I find nothing more depressing than optimism."
by Truffle Shuffle on Jun 24, 2011 4:40 PM EDT up reply actions
Love Babe's
Always hit that when visiting CowTown.
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am. I feel like Wiley E. Bulldog-y.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jun 24, 2011 4:45 PM EDT up reply actions
Gravy rec.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Jun 24, 2011 4:20 PM EDT up reply actions
A Challenger Emerges!
Why yes, that’s chicken fried bacon
And yes, there is country style gravy for the dipping.
/Myocardial infarction OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 4:21 PM EDT up reply actions
wht, yes.
yes this is pure unhealthy deliciousness
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 4:22 PM EDT up reply actions
<^>
Hey Oliver Luck, I'm tired of being the winningest football program to have never won a National Championship. Thank you for doing something about that.
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jun 24, 2011 4:24 PM EDT up reply actions
What the deuce?
I don’t even know how to handle that picture.
by T-Jax, Field General on Jun 24, 2011 4:25 PM EDT up reply actions
fork, steak knife and some drawn butter.
OOOOOOH HEY DV IS UP
Fish meat is practically a vegetable
by Bourbon_Meyer on Jun 24, 2011 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Ethiopian style
/shows self out
//hello NDnation
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 24, 2011 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
That's either the world's largest lobster tail or a 3oz filet.
nomnomnomnomnom
It was too much money
by The_Tusk on Jun 24, 2011 4:33 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Siamese Cat auto-rec
Wat? I like Siamese cats.
Some people have a pet peeve. I have a peeve menagerie.
Seal point, too
/alsolovesiamese
You could hire a baboon, and you should win eight games.
-- Former WVU Heach Coach Don Nehlen on playing in the current Big East
by An 'eer with a beer on Jun 24, 2011 7:09 PM EDT up reply actions
I have a seal point kitten
named Sake. I have only spent 2 years of my life without a Siamese, and those are years I don’t like to talk about.
#Team Siamese
Some people have a pet peeve. I have a peeve menagerie.
That steak is tiny
It’s on a saucer dish for chrissakes.
I felt something impossible for me to explain in words. Then, when they took her away, it hit me. I got scared all over again and began to feel giddy. Then it came to me... I was a father. ~ Nat King Cole
I only eat the Dale Peterson approved dinner....
Tonight, tonight the strip's just right,
I wanna blow 'em all out of their seats.
We're callin' out around the world, we're going racin' in the street.
-the Boss
by diego tutweiler on Jun 24, 2011 4:45 PM EDT up reply actions
looks like it is a whole chicken fried up
(minus legs & wings, that is)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 24, 2011 4:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Good news everybody!
I just looked it up and it turns out you don’t have to be a registered party member to vote in Texas primaries. Just need to establish residency now.
This is true
/learned during 2008 primaries
//not one step closer to spider closet
Today?
Don’t forget to pick up tonic on the way home…
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am. I feel like Wiley E. Bulldog-y.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jun 24, 2011 4:45 PM EDT reply actions
Honestly, I thought this was going to have an appearance by
the Detestable Mr. Leach.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
He was elected in a bloodless coup
All smotherings
"When a woman says "nothing's wrong," that means everything is wrong. And when a woman says "everything's wrong" that means EVERYthing is wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off." H. Simpson
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