THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/24/2011

JOE PATERNO ACTUALLY SAYS CAPISCE LIKE ALL THE TIME. Not because it's Friday, but because watching Joe Paterno actually say "capisce" and talk to Tamba Hali's daughter is just something you should watch any day of the week.

"If you don't want to come to Penn State, don't come to Penn State." We don't know many recruiters who would throw that out there as a pitch, but there's Tamba Hali, NFL player and Kansas City Chief, standing there with his daughter. Joe Pa is the best zombie overlord ever. Long may he reign.

AND ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT COIN. George O'Leary testified yesterday in the wrongful death suit against UCF filed by the family of Ereck Plancher.

O'Leary said he knew Plancher had sickle cell trait and described the March 18, 2008 workout as "non-taxing."

UCF is fighting the case based on their assertion that Plancher had a heart defect. We have no idea why this is in court, or why UCF is fighting the case in the name of a coach who already had a history with player abuse and who ran another player into the turf the following year. Don't ever leave it to lawyers, or at least lawyers who don't read EDSBS. They're all horrible people who enable worse people to get in the way of adults settling business.

YOU CAN LEAVE IT TO LAWYERS IF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TENNESSEE FOOTBALL. The questions we most want to see out of Tennessee's large pile of questions: can they get through a season without linebackers spontaneously combusting on the field, and can Tyler Bray replicate the second half of his season last year when going through the real part of Tennessee's schedule in the first half of 2011. If he is going to do that, it would be nice if he waited until after week three to do that. Love, us.

In related news, Erik Ainge is retiring from football, hopefully to do something sober and quiet.

WE HAVE DECIDED TO PROVIDE ADDITIONAL OVERSIGHT FOR OVERSIGHT. Ohio State is in the process of overhauling their athletic program, a move that may include housing oversight in an entirely separate arm outside of the athletic department.  [DISSOLVE] [FADE]  Meanwhile, in North Carolina: HE BROUGHT MY PA INTO CONTACT WITH AN AGENT, HE BROUGHT MY MA INTO CONTACT WITH AN AGENT, AND I'M VOTING FOR HIM ANYWAY. (Brett McMurphy thinks Davis is out, but we're a habeas corpus dude in the most literal sense of the word. Then again, we thought Tressel would survive, too.)

A FEW GOOD COACHES. RRecruiting services were not to be touched. Officer Bellotti is dead.

IF YOU HAVE BALLS, YOU'LL BRING BACK BIFF AND BENNY. The Michigan live mascot must return. Any other choice is a half-measure. At halftime you could feed him something adorable and defenseless, like a mouse or the Indiana defense! Our only other acceptable proposition is still to put Lloyd Carr in a high-collared suit and bowler while having him nod from the sidelines as "The Michigan Man." He does not applaud, because that is for plebes.

WE DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD EITHER. Arkansas State (JESUS)  has a fight song, and Arkansas has a symphony. These are both surprises.

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