PAUL JOHNSON'S TV BREAK IS RUDELY INTERRUPTED
by Spencer Hall on Jun 22, 2011 3:12 PM EDT
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The offices of Paul Johnson, football coach and bass fishing show aficionado.
Paul Johnson: What the hell is that on my damn tv?
PR Guy: We're here from EA Sports, coach. You're supposed to do a spot for EA's new edition of NCAA Football.
Paul Johnson: I don't give a E-A-E-I-Oh what you're here for. It's 2:00 p.m. I'm watching Bass Monsters and that's final.
PR Guy: Coach, I appreciate your time, and remind you that you're contractually obligated to do a five minute spot with us promoting the game.
[shows Paul Johnson endorsement contract he signed as part of his contract, which he just sort of signed without looking while making the fiercest of wanking gestures]
Paul Johnson: [Rolls eyes so hard he scratches his corneas.] Fine. Then we're putting on Bass Monsters.
PR Guy: We really appreciate it. These photographers are here to take your picture and some video.
Paul Johnson: I ain't wearing makeup. You get what you get here. Paint is for NASCAR, houses, and whores, you hear me?
PR Guy. That's fine. Coach, this is the game we've got up here. As you can see, we've even included your playbook in here.
Paul Johnson: We don't have a playbook, son. It's all up here. [points to temple]
PR Guy: Well, coach, we must have access to your brain, because look, it's all here!
Paul Johnson: You mindstealing son-of-a-bitch WAIT. Wait just a second. You don't have our playbook. What does that say?
PR Guy: That's our updated passing playbook.
Paul Johnson: For us? Passing?
PR Guy: Yes, coach. You see---
[Paul Johnson laughs for the remaining three minutes of his contractually required time.]
Paul Johnson: Son, there's two things that fall of the back of a mule: old drunks, and what this game is. If you need me, I'll be watching Bass Monsters and not caring about your sissynerd Barbie Football games.
Paul Johnson turns on Bass Monsters and ignores the term "breach of contract" and everyone else in the room.
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Paul Johnson doesn't care what the media says
and he will prove this by repeatedly talking about the media
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 22, 2011 3:17 PM EDT reply actions
I admittedly enjoy Paul Johnson a little too much.
Way too colorful to be associated with the Institute.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 22, 2011 3:17 PM EDT reply actions
Georgia's new DC?
The twitter
Anfield Asylum, sbnation's very own open zoo for the most dangerous game: Liverpool fans
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
You Mindstealing son-of-a-bitch...
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 22, 2011 3:22 PM EDT reply actions 10 recs
How dare they try this shit when Bass Monsters is on?
The nerve.
And the best part, is that he's Learning.
A Classic
This needs to become our next Rich Brooks skit.
Paul John does not give a shit
Neither did Rich Brooks
Whiskey
Bourbon
Bitches
Don't give up, don't ever give up ~ Jim Valvano
Bass Monsters?
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 22, 2011 3:56 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
I enjoy...
…that Ass Monsters program , as well
by TiderinMS on Jun 22, 2011 3:58 PM EDT reply actions 9 recs
I just did GIS search for Ass Monsters...
here is the first SFW photo
by jokastrength on Jun 22, 2011 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Why don't you take a seat
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 22, 2011 4:06 PM EDT up reply actions
Here's the third one
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 22, 2011 4:06 PM EDT up reply actions 9 recs
of the 3, thats the only one that seems to apply
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
Lord-a-mercy
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 22, 2011 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions 8 recs
Would you like some lemonade.
I’m going to just put this laundry up. I’ll be right down.
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is." -Sir Francis Bacon
by Stuck in the Plains on Jun 22, 2011 8:20 PM EDT up reply actions
Here's the third result from "bass monsters"
I was confused until I realized “bass” is also an element of music favored by clubbies with nose rings that stare at themselves in the mirro
Paul Johnson: not giving a crap about what you have to say since 1987.
Here's the eleventeenth result
"Without spirits the men cannot support the fatigues of a long campaign" - Maj. Gen. Nathanael Greene
by TheDutchWonder on Jun 23, 2011 8:52 AM EDT up reply actions
Passing Playbook?
At 1:45 of this, there is an 87 yard TD pass. Johnson basically drew the play in the dirt on the sidelines before that series. Maybe he used a whiteboard or something, I dont know, but he made up the play on the fly.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
Using your quarterback to throw the ball?
I think I’ll pass.
YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 22, 2011 4:20 PM EDT up reply actions 11 recs
Did y'all get permission...
to use Miami’s soundtrack for your highlight video?
"Without spirits the men cannot support the fatigues of a long campaign" - Maj. Gen. Nathanael Greene
by TheDutchWonder on Jun 22, 2011 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions
Yes, Tha U said the song was not long enough to fit in all of Jacory's Pick 6's
by wreck17 on Jun 22, 2011 4:32 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
"Achilles Last Stand"
isn’t long enough to fit in all of Jacory’s picks.
/jacoryforheisman.com
"Without spirits the men cannot support the fatigues of a long campaign" - Maj. Gen. Nathanael Greene
by TheDutchWonder on Jun 22, 2011 4:38 PM EDT up reply actions
Posting a highlight video from a game against Vanderbilt?
by Spears on Jun 22, 2011 5:02 PM EDT up reply actions 5 recs
I can post the 2008 GT-uga game if you want
But Johnson didnt have to create any new plays on the fly for that win. Base plays worked just fine.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
You guys are so adorable . . .
when you pull out the one win you have over Georgia since the Clinton administration. You know, the 3 point come from behind victory.
same way we think you are adorable
playing dress up.
/trollface.jpg
by BamaThrasher on Jun 23, 2011 12:10 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
BAMA FAN OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
Shocking.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 23, 2011 8:57 AM EDT up reply actions 9 recs
TROLL TIDE
Weoejuwejhdjwe!
Twitter
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Jun 23, 2011 10:01 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Almost as impressive as this:
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 23, 2011 10:46 AM EDT up reply actions
1. How many goals are on a basketball court?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
2. How many players are allowed to play at one time on any team in a regulation game?
a. 2
b. 3
c. 4
d. 5
3. In what league do the Georgia Bulldogs compete?
a. ACC
b. Big Ten
c. SEC
d. Pac 10
4. What is the name of the coliseum where the Georgia Bulldogs play?
a. Cameron Indoor Arena
b. Stegeman Coliseum
c. Carrier Dome
d. Pauley Pavilion
5. How many halves are in a college basketball game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
6. How many quarters are in a high school basketball game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
7. How many points does one field goal account for in a Basketball Game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
8. How many points does a 3-point field goal account for in a Basketball Game?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
9. How many officials referee a college basketball game?
a. 2
b. 4
c. 6
d. 3
10. How many teams are in the NCAA Men’s Basketball National Championship Tournament?
a. 48
b. 64
c. 65
d. 32
11. What is the name of the exam which all high school seniors in the State of Georgia must pass?
a. Eye Exam
b. How Do The Grits Taste Exam
c. Bug Control Exam
d. Georgia Exit Exam
12. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in home games?
a. White
b. Red
c. Black
d. Silver
13. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in away games?
a. Pink
b. Blue
c. Orange
d. Red
14. How many minutes are played in a college basketball contest?
a. 20
b. 40
c. 60
d. 90
15. How many minutes are played in a high school basketball game?
a. 15
b. 30
c. 32
d. 45
16. Diagram the 3-point line.
17. Diagram the half-court line.
18. How many fouls is a player allowed to have in one Basketball game before fouling out in that game?
a. 3
b. 5
c. 7
d. 0
19. If you go on to become a huge coaching success, to whom will you tribute the credit?
a. Mike Krzyzewski
b. Bobby Knight
c. John Wooden
d. Jim Harrick, Jr.
20. In your opinion, who is the best Division I Assistant Coach in the country?
a. Ron Jirsa
b. John Pelphrey
c. Jim Harrick, Jr.
d. Steve Wojciechowski
Hey, Dawg fans should show Coach Johnson some respect
his current winning percentage against UGA (.250) is HIGHER THAN THE CAREER BATTING AVG. OF SLUGGER MARK LEMKE (.246)
SUCK ON THAT LEG HUMPERZZZ!
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 23, 2011 9:08 AM EDT up reply actions
Pretty sure it's actually .333
But this still certainly qualifies him for rarified air.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 23, 2011 9:36 AM EDT up reply actions
1 of 2 dawgs can do math
seems about right.
And it is .250, he lost to yall once at GSU.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
/Mendoza nods in approval
//Rob Deer offers a fist bump
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
by CoastalCowbell on Jun 23, 2011 9:43 AM EDT up reply actions
MATH?
reggieball.jpg
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 23, 2011 10:03 AM EDT up reply actions
Also, if your school cant even count the number of games two teams have played
bringing up math isnt your best comeback.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
We don't really need to concern ourselves with comebacks when 9-1 is sufficient.
But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night. You may seriously be King of the Butthurt.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 23, 2011 12:24 PM EDT up reply actions
1-0 in MNC's
since I became a Tech fan.
1990 more than makes up for a few extra losses.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
Yeah, anytime you can beat the #24-ranked team in the Citrus Bowl
and call yourself champs, you have to do it.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 23, 2011 12:48 PM EDT up reply actions
I'll try this one
Tech has a losing record against Georgia in every sport they play at the NCAA level (except Men’s basketball, which they have lost two straight at and have not won a game in Clarke county since Gerald Ford was president)
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 23, 2011 1:37 PM EDT up reply actions
If you enjoyed this
visit every blogs.ajc.com post ever published.
by Jean Shorts Torture on Jun 23, 2011 4:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Dammit. Forgot about Southern.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Jun 23, 2011 10:35 AM EDT up reply actions
Puts him in great company
Same record that Heisman had against UGA under Cunningham. You know, before Cunningham left coaching to join the army and serve his country because he didn’t hate America.
Yep, drawn in the dirt.
Don’t yell, think, and out-think ’em.
DODD LIKE.
by DressHerInWhiteAndGold on Jun 22, 2011 8:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Ive gotta tell you, when you said "Paul Johnson's office" I was expecting something more like this...
"All you need is bacon and a dream."
by jc001 on Jun 22, 2011 5:04 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
GOTdangit, forgot to change the channel
by Dr. Norris Camacho on Jun 22, 2011 5:35 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Well, it is probably playing on GTCN.
Passing? Who needs passing?
by RamblinWreck007 on Jun 23, 2011 12:00 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I was expecting the thread to be at 200 comments of video game and beer talk.
Slow day?
"Fandom is irrational and emotional and therefore should be fun." - Wolverine Liberation Army
Now Playing: Xenogears
by SPORTSGEEK42 on Jun 22, 2011 6:58 PM EDT up reply actions
Afraid of angering Admiral Johnson.
He has powers.
Passing? Who needs passing?
by RamblinWreck007 on Jun 23, 2011 12:01 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Until the CI hits...
Looks like Dignum final got caught up with Whitey
/knowsJacks’’Whitey’diedinmovie
HOW ABOUT A SPOILER ALERT WARNING BRAH
jk, I’ve seen it also
Dawg fan by birth,
no longer in Beaumont by the grace of God.
by Dawg in Beaumont on Jun 23, 2011 10:01 AM EDT up reply actions
Expiration date?
I’ve always wondered what is the acceptable time period before one can talk about movies/books/shows without worrying about SPOILER ALERT. Personally, I’m of the 2-3 year frame of mind. If you haven’t seen it 3 years after it was released than you’re on your own.
Three years sounds about right
But err on the side of caution if the spoiler involves someone getting killed, fucked or married.
by Mango Stasi on Jun 23, 2011 10:18 AM EDT up reply actions
Which is frustrating for Game of Thrones, since the book is 15 years old, but the series is only completed by a week.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
I go to most recent...
…because most likely it is the current TV show that has people talking…so SPOILER ALERT unless you know the group already read the books years ago.
GoT: Had DVR’d that series and finally watched the first episode (which may actually have been the second episode) the other day. I must say, it hasn’t hooked me in.
It depends on how dark you like your stories.
Since the interest has been resparked by the series, I’ve been using it as my guideline, mostly. I just enjoy watching people get all huffy when I get close to dropping a “spoiler”.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
Agreed
Figured 5 years since The Departed was released covered that…
There is also the caveat that books, in particular, should be approached carefully with kids in school…. You know, no need to ruin “To Kill A Mockingbird” for the teenager reading it for the first time.
Ha
DARTH IS LUKE’S FATHER AND DIES AT THE END
"Listen, if the Miami Heat were playing the Washington Generals I would pick the Washington Generals," Barkley said with a chuckle.
by Burrito Electrico on Jun 23, 2011 11:00 AM EDT up reply actions
SHE HAS A PENIS
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on Jun 23, 2011 12:22 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Finkel is Einhorn!
I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
by DrBundy on Jun 23, 2011 1:28 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Dumbledore dies!
Oh, and Ron ends up with Hermione and Harry ends up with Ginny…and they have a son they name Severus.
How had I not thought of this yet
outstanding
by BamaThrasher on Jun 23, 2011 3:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Its a sled
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
For tv shows, I figure 3 weeks
in case someone had to dvr it while on vacation or something.
Especially if its a TV show of a novel published in the mid 90s.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
by gtne91 on Jun 23, 2011 11:45 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
For movies: while in the theatre
Going to wait for DVD, you takes your chances.
the secret ingredient is ... love?!
by gtne91 on Jun 23, 2011 11:46 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I figure I'll wait until the DVD comes out to mention that Jon Snow is really a vampire.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
Neo is the matrix.
wait. Is that right? I don’t even remember where the third one went.
Weoejuwejhdjwe!
Twitter
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Jun 23, 2011 11:19 AM EDT reply actions
Straight to DVD?
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes
by Neodymium on Jun 23, 2011 1:24 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Third Matrix movie?
That’s just crazy talk. Might as well try to convince people there’s a third Division 1 school in Indiana besides IU and ND. Let’s not be silly.
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