THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/2/2011

START SNITCHIN'. Professor Chamillionaire, known best for his pioneering work in the theory of trill matter and its dynamic behavior as it approaches the limit of "riding dirty," will surely have something to say regarding Arizona AD Greg Byrne's proposal re: Arizona fans actively snitching on improper benefits for athletes.

From Byrne's email:

My purpose here is not to judge or be critical of one of our peer institutions. However, the situation does give us another opportunity to proactively communicate with our fan base and internally on the absolute need to pay attention to the rules everyday.  We are one bad decision by a coach, employee, student-athlete and/or community member/fan from facing significant challenges that can damage our university and athletic program for many years to come. 

How this doesn't end up with ten phone calls a day reporting violations at Arizona State by Wildcat fans we will never know.

WE WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE DOING WHATEVER WE WANT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. The SEC coaches unanimously voted to reject a limit on the current cap of 28 signees per class yesterday, though the presidents and chancellors will likely make it official today. Honestly, we have no problem with an enforced 28 due to the horrendous public schools and frequent cases of sprained cerebrum you see in the SEC. So remember you smug Big Ten bastards, it's our bad public schools AND the greedy skullduggery of competition in the SEC that make signing math in the SEC so complex ( and we can't even do it DURRRR DUMB SUTHERNERS.) You can cut twice!

We're here to make your jobs easier, and sometimes take them by offering sick tax breaks and union-free shops to companies fleeing the Rust Belt. That and cutting underperforming linebackers: IT'S JUST WHAT WE DO.

SPEAKING OF BIG TEN AND FAILURE TO CREATE JOBS. Additional security personnel within the stadium could have helped those job numbers, and the cabbies of Madison probably could have used the work, and we won't even get into the billions of dollars* of income lost, but sure, you go right ahead and tell Wisconsinites they can't buy beer in the stadium.They'll just metabolize it from sodas and other liquids with their woodsy Badger superpowers like they always have.

*Not an exaggeration. This is Wisconsin we're talking about, and alcohol, and alcohol and Wisconsin.

STILL MORE TRESSELATION. Let's just, yeah, slow down on "Colorado's gonna do it in the 'Shoe, man!" Eddie George is lobbying for Charlie Strong at OSU, and if this gained traction the Buckeyes would be beyond lucky because Charlie Strong is wonderful and this blog has no reservations about that statement. He's awesome. Period. Eleven Warriors has a new banner, and that is sort of sad now that we're looking at it. We think we're trolling hard, and then Michael Rosenberg gets his supermechaGodzillaTroll on and leaves us in the dust.

THIS IS REASSURING. Why yes, Tim Tebow did have a headache before the LSU game where he returned from a concussion. 

OH PLEASE COME BACK PIRATE KING. Mike Leach is still in Key West, which sounds like a perfectly pleasant purgatory.

TWO HEROES, ONE WORLD. Swedish discus thrower and badass Ricky Bruch died this past week. His beard and traps will live on, as will this NSFW but fantastic picture of him. We don't know this man's name, but he's a hero, as well. The hand out? That's for balance AND style. He was indeed a boss, sir.

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