THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/14/2011

CLIFF HARRIS SHOULD JUST HITCHHIKE WITH DOLLAR BILLS STAPLED TO HIM NEXT TIME.

 

The car that Oregon Ducks cornerback Cliff Harris was traveling at 118 miles per hour in was not his own, and did not belong to Terrelle Pryor or a family member, and that's when Oregon has to explain how he ended up in a rental car paid for by an employee of the university.

"So, I rented the car for my own purposes on Friday. Cliff Harris and his licensed friend, who showed me his license, asked to borrow it and paid me the full amount in cash that I paid for the rental," said the woman, who agreed to speak to KEZI, on condition of anonymity.

Sure, let an 18 year old borrow your rented car for cash. At the very least it's someone being really dumb in letting a pair of young men borrow a rental car, and at the very worst it's the dodge Oregon uses to get around the messy details of actually giving a player a car. Motor pools and rentals are a common way programs circumvent this, and now you understand why players drive a lot of Chryslers. (The ballingest car on a budget, straight from a rental fleet and either rented outright or titled over through processes that are deviously legal.)

But we're sure there's a logical explanation for this, and that Cliff Harris will become more than familiar with the charms of keeping shit locked down on the pedestrian beat in the walking-friendly streets of Eugene, Oregon.

WE NOW THROW DOWN THE AKRON/OKLAHOMA CHALLENGE. To the man or wo-man who can take the lowly Akron Zips and beat the Oklahoma Sooners on the road on Heisman and document it fairly and squarely, we will present an EDSBS t-shirt and our undying respect for completing the worst-over-first challenge for 2011. (You won't do it without cheating, but then again, [SEE: COLLEGE FOOTBALL.]


STAY SNITCHY. One thought we had while deseeding some donut plants in our backyard last night. If Phil Fulmer does indeed land the Tennessee Athletic Director's job, we can dial back up one factor in the SEC's unique brew of bitchiness, internecine tribal warfare, and blatant cheating: snitchin'. Fulmer was the master of the tattlefax in his day, having ratted out Alabama twice over in the Albert Means case, but would certainly be a calming influence on any attempts Dooley would make to expose current capers in recruiting because really, how did that benefit the rash young man? WE KID HE'S GONNA HELP THE SEC GET UP TO MID-90s CAGE MATCH STATUS WOO LET'S DO THIS---

HE DIED, WAS BURIED, AND AROSE ON THE THIRD DAY WEARING AN ESPN CLIP-ON MICROPHONE.  Just yeah really wow yeah that we no um sure.

OF COURSE, BUT READ IT AND THEN SAY "YEAH, OF COURSE." We want to coach a youth football team with Chris Brown one day so he can elucidate the finer points of football strategy, and then watch as we lead the kids in a chorus of "Spongebob Squarepants" and call cover zero every play. 

NORTHWESTERN LEADS THE NATION IN NAPPING. From Pat Fitzgerald:

The No. 1 commodity every college football player has is sleep. He is going to get his sleep. I'm not worried about that. We're probably the No.1-ranked napping team in the country.

Leaders, legends, and napmasters, in other words, or just one more thing for your friends at Northwestern to be smug about for no reason. "Oh, we slept. You sleep all you want at Northwestern. It's great just like everything else at Northwestern." 

MORE ON THIS IN A CUPDATE BUT: Is stealing 400 pounds of copper wire and attempting to sell it to a local scrap metal dealer a recession Fulmer Cup crime, or THE recession-era Fulmer Cup crime? The only thing that could exceed this in degrees of hobo-osity would be being beaten by a railyard bull for hitching a ride on a freight train, and it's probably only a matter of time before that happens. (Cliff Harris says the train was a rental.)

HE'S MORE LIKE A SAFETY, WE THINK. To be fair to Pat Dye, babies are hard to size up.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker