THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/10/2011

We blame any typos on being mildly concussed.

SOMETIMES WE FORGET WHY WE LOVE ATLANTA. It can be a bit much: the heat, the zombies, the spitting bullets out of your morning cereal. It can all be a bit much, but then we crest the hill just between a rehab clinic and the Shriner's Temple on Ponce, coast for a bit, and gaze up at a billboard with Rob Corddry in clown makeup and scrubs, and then take a deep breath and say: it's gonna be okay, daddy, Adult Swim is still here.

That the leading paid surrealists in America* take an active interest in college football just means that EDSBS didn't invent anything, but was in fact invented by the groundswell of people who find both football and Sealab 2021 to be humorous high callings in life.

*This is wrong and you know it. The right answer is "The Ole Miss Coaching Staff."

THIS MAY SHOCK YOU BUT REPORTS ARE CONFLICTING AND CONTRADICTORY.  Green arrows help with learning comprehension! We learned this from Brooks, who despite our mockery did put together a very thorough summary of Dennis Talbott, the lamprey attached to the sharkbeast of Terrelle Pryor who allegedly sold memorabilia signed by Pryor and other Buckeyes. Talbott denies this, but did not deny he once owned a car with "T. PRYOR" as his license plate. Man, this makes us feel so much better about that tattoo of Noah Brindise's name we have on our right buttock.

BTW, it is fifth-grade-gay if you have another man's name as your license plate. The only exception to this is if you have "DNYTRJO" for Danny Trejo, and then it's just a sign of proper respect. You may get prison tough like Trejo only if you actually go to prison, and if there's unpaid taxes in all of this--voila! There you are. (They wouldn't go to prison over this much cash, but the idea of a judge in the sentencing phase making Pryor wait, and then wait, and then wait for his commitment to white-collar prison X or Y is bitterly amusing to us.)

THAT"S A FINELY CARVED BUYOUT YOU HAVE. West Virginia  negotiating Bill Stewart's buyout, a process that may be done as soon as this morning because Bill Stewart is an awful backroom rumor assassin and now the world knows it. We know this because of some fine reporting and work by Matt Hayes. If you find the bold taste of Matt Hayes too bold for your liking, you could always go to the lite version in Joe Schad's reconstituted piece rewritten entirely without links or credit here.

A GRAND SLAM. Well, Russell Wilson obviously likes beer more than chestbumps, no matter how newly second-degree Presidential they might be.

SWEET WE CAN FINALLY RUN THE [NAME REDACTED] SIMULATION! From an E3 preview of NCAA 2012:

Also, you can focus on your coach’s career as well, and start out as a simple coordinator and focus on your specific area of expertise.

Special teams coach to head coach? LET'S WATCH THE MAGIC HAPPEN. Also there's something about DBs covering routes properly, meaning this year's complaint will now be "WHY CAN'T YOU THROW THE BALL GRRRRR." (The slant will still be open all day long, however, since no video game football game has ever not let the slant be open all day long every day.)