Tonight is the first night of the last step of the Cup's glorious and triumphant return to its rightful northern home. The Canucks come into this game probably favored both in prediction and preference --

FAHK YOU FAHK YOU FAHK YOU

ORIGINAL SIX! ORIGINAL SIX! ONLY ORIGINAL SIX HAVE ANY RIGHT OR CLAIM TO LAHRD STANLEY'S CUP. ANY OTHAH TEAM IS INFERIAH TO OWAH HAWKEE SAWX, AS TOUGH AND STRONG WILLED AS THEY COME. EVEN WES WELKAH, BLESS HIS HAWT, COULD NAWT MAKE THIS HAWKEE TEAM ANY TOUGHAH. THEY WAHNT IT MOAH THAN THOSE GAWDAMNED CAHNADIAHNS. THEYAH NAWT EVEN A REAL COUNTRY. MONTREAL? FAHK MONTREAL. QUEBEC CITY? MOAH LIKE KWEEAHBECK CITY, AS MY FAHTHAH ALWAYS SAYS. JIM-O AND BEAN BOY TRIED TO GET ME TO GO TO FAHKIN' TORONTAH ONCE INSTEAD OF OWAH VEGAS TRIP, BUT YOU BETTAH BELIEVE I SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN RIGHT FROM THE STAHT. AND FAHKIN' WEST OF THEH? THEH'S FAHKIN' NAHTHING WEST OF TORONTAH! VANCOUVAH ISN'T EVEN A REAL PLACE! IT'S SEATTAHL JUNIAH, AND FAHKIN' SEATTAHL DOES NAWT EVEN HAVE FAHKIN' DUNKIN' DONUTS! NOBODY DENIES THIS!

/strangles TAWWMY with towel

You either love Canada, or you love Quinzee. There is no middle ground.

Puck drops around 7:10 CDT.