For Buckeye fans, this offseason has been one to forget
from guys trading rings for tattoos, to fancy cars players always seem to get.
but nothing could prepare us for the news that made Columbus shook,
that our dear sweatervested Saint Tressel, was a dirty cheating crook.
He didn't just dominate the Big Ten, and take our program to it's peak,
He told his players to visit hospitals, and to call their moms at least once a week.
He preached honesty and virtue, and we never suspected it wasn't true,
would you ever think a guy dressed like Mr.Rogers, would ever lie to you?
Its even sadder that he was undone by comparably minor crimes,
like neglecting to send emails, and ignoring discounts on new rides.
If you're going to screw up so bad you have to resign in disgrace,
you might as well pull a Woody, and punch a dude in the face.
Us scarlet and gray faithful remain completely baffled
how a guy could go from Bible reading, then turn around and fix a raffle.
To represent such integrity, then break the rules and sin?
I guess if anybody deserved the nickname "Senator", it might as well be him.
I guess it's kinda fitting, since on our championship day,
the bucks were led by a RB who now might be in Guantanamo Bay.
Now the NCAA says they're going to launch an investigation of sorts
even though their investigative arm is just two guys at Yahoo! sports.
So for now the news looks awfully bleak, but the news isn't all doom and gloom.
Our Alma Mater is still great, and there will be real football soon.
and we can still enjoy some of the greatest college traditions in all the land...
(unless some asshole gets busted for giving free tattoos to the band)
Also, Fuck Clemson.