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And here’s where I save your life. Because the truth about hyperpartisanship is that it is an...

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And here’s where I save your life. Because the truth about hyperpartisanship is that it is an absolutely miserable and unpleasant way to be a sports fan. No one talks about this, because (a) people who complain about rage in sports tend to want to mourn some lost standard of politeness, which has nothing to do with anything, and (b) because hyperpartisan fans are the most outwardly invested in their clubs, there’s a presumption that they’re the most authentic or admirable supporters, even if they’re also, everyone knows, unbearably obnoxious.

Don't drive the highways of the sporting life angry, or in Brian Phillips' words, "You can be a crazy tattooed ultra and still be fine, for that matter. You just can’t be an idiot." We're football absurdists for a lot of reasons--reasons we're trying to write down in the kind of indulgent book we don't want to write, but sort of have to--and one of them is mental health. We can't genuinely hold a grudge against too many teams for too long, even that failed collection of Alabama Fan College Dropouts known as Florida State, because it's too much effort in the end, and it obscures the things you really love about your team. (Vicious safeties, big white evangelical quarterbacks, coaches who run up the score, and eye-scorching orange uniforms, to name a few.) Oh, some games still stick out, but they weren't unfair, or any more or less unfair than anything else random and stupid in life. We still get mad about games. But live long enough and you can't carry that around without becoming the zombie who bit you in the first place. Hack the infected limb off and live, or else wake up craving brains and stumbling around groaning about those refs in the 2003 FSU/Florida game forever. /getsangryalloveragain /deepbreaths /readswhatjustwrote /moredeepbreaths

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