THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/25/2011

REAL LIVE ACTUAL FOOTAGE FROM THE HOLGORSEN INCIDENT. It's from a security cam, but we're pretty sure that's him, and Bill Stewart, and Li'l Wayne.

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It's good to see the Wannstache working, but you know that as a dealer would have the worst sullen bitchface as he creamed you eighteen hands in a row and shrugged his shoulders. According to The Smoking Musket, Holgorsen may have had a similar incident at another WV casino last month, and the pattern is clear: West Virginia's casino bartenders are mad unchill, and need to loosen up. <---ABSOLUTELY CORRECT ASSUMPTIONS. 

AWWWW, WE'RE SO NICE. Running back Mike Blakely, who recently decided that the pro-style offense of Charlie Weis would not in fact be a good match for his skills and left the University of Florida, will transfer to Auburn with a full release from Florida. Blakely will still have to miss one year as he sits out due to NCAA eligibility rules, but Blakeley's high school coach described Muschamp as "a class act" for granting Blakeley his full release. We would add "doing the only fair thing considering coaches can at any moment bail on their schools unless their contract specifies otherwise," but that is kind of a given at this point. Muschamp could have been a dick, and he wasn't, and that's nice for everyone concerned.

Best of luck to Blakely on the Plains, where hopefully he will enjoy the same academic benefits package Charles Barkley enjoyed in the Mammary Studies Program.

When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.

Godspeed, and we ain't mad atcha.

HOUSTON NUTT WANTS TO FIGHT. Someone. Anyone. Come on. GIGGITY. GET THIS. He will also figuratively battle against oversigning rules because he is Houston Nutt, and preachers don't listen to the fire marshal when it comes to putting asses in the pews, do they? No they don't, because salvation doesn't believe in fire codes or the NCAA's bylaws. BOTARKUS! SIGN 98 AND BE SAVED.

THE RACE FOR CHEESE TOAST CONTINUES; TATE FORCIER WANTS YOU TO JOIN FRIENDSTER FOR NETWORKING AND OTHER PROFESSIONAL OPPORTUNITIES. Russell Wilson appears to be pitching himself to Auburn and not the other way around, something that seems so bizarre to us until we remember that Gus Malzahn is smarter than we are, so it's cool, Gustav. You know something we don't, and that is probably a permanent condition football-wise.

Meanwhile, Tate Forcier is interested in University of Awesome, the 2001 Miami Hurricanes, a seat on the League of Nations, and other kinds of science-fictive opportunities.

MORE MIKE LONDON NEWS THAN HAS EVER BEEN IN ONE PLACE EVER. Bill C's exhaustive reviews are nice because they remind you how bad you are at statistics AND educate you on teams you otherwise examine by saying "Um, I know two dudes' names and that they're not good. NEXT!" Bill C. doesn't want you to be that man, dammit, so read his Virginia preview.

WHAT IT COULD PROVE WE'LL NEVER KNOW. By now it's established that Jim Tressel is the principal who ducks into the office when a fight breaks out in the hall and ignores the gym teacher dating his students. Whatever SI digs up on him can only confirm the established image short of finding something like "JIM TRESSEL RAPED AND MURDERED A FORD AEROSTAR IN 1990." (He did, but we've killed several cars due to neglect and mental torture, so someone else will have to report that story. The '87 Ford Escort station wagon, to be fair, was killed in self-defense.)

BROS FOREVER. Open two tabs. Read Jon Bois' analysis of the mind-altering Fleer Metal series in one, and then go back and forth between it and these bros for life and reflect on what an age of marvels we currently enjoy every day.

MORE HOLGORSEN SECURITY FOOTAGE AFTER THE JUMP! UNALTERED AND REAL!

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